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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm almost 17 but my boyfriend's recently just told me that he's 45 after telling me 7 months ago that he was 26.He was too scared to tell me in case that i would dump him. He really loves me and i really love him too, but where would we get from this?He looks 30 so i would get away with telling people that he is that age but eventually i'm going to have to tell people.I don't want to have to leave him so what should i do about it? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2006): I think one the key things is - will you be able to come to terms with the fact he lied to you or will that always be a problem?Personally, my trust would be shattered and I don't know if I could trust him again but that is just me. Other people may be able to forgive and forget. I think you need to look at wether it is the age gap or the lie. Which is the issue for you? If it is the lie, can you forgive him and move on? or if it is the age gap - do you feel comfortable to be involved in someone much older?Find out what the sticking point is and address it. Good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): You are both attracted, and you know by instinct that he is truthful you might be safe.The trouble with men that age if they are trying to pull young girls who are easy is that they might just try to give them a baby.On the other hand, you might be in a and have found a very caring boyfriend.I would think that relationships with 20 years difference are all right for women in their 20s but rather unconventional earlier than that in today's society.Biologically it is sometimes very natural for women to fall for older men.Just be friends and the close and be careful of trust and that you know enough about him, does he volunteer information? Good luckRelationships is all about experience, you can only learn from them, perhaps try more conventional relationships or perhaps learn from this one which will perfectly decent, be the judge or meet some of his friends to see what they think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Like eyeswideopen - what's the big deal? Just because other people are more conservatives in their views, doesn't mean you have to. Weigh it in yourself to see if it's worth pursuing this relationship with him. You need not ask for advice from us. Feel for it from your heart and soul cheesy song starts playing... 8]
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Like eyeswideopen - what's the big deal? Just because other people are more conservatives in their views, doesn't mean you have to. Weigh it in yourself to see if it's worth pursuing this relationship with him. You need not ask for advice from us. Feel for it from your heart and soul cheesy song starts playing... 8]
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Like eyeswideopen - what's the big deal? Just because other people are more conservatives in their views, doesn't mean you have to. Weigh it in yourself to see if it's worth pursuing this relationship with him. You need not ask for advice from us. Feel for it from your heart and soul cheesy song starts playing... 8]
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Like eyeswideopen - what's the big deal? Just because other people are more conservatives in their views, doesn't mean you have to. Weigh it in yourself to see if it's worth pursuing this relationship with him. You need not ask for advice from us. Feel for it from your heart and soul cheesy song starts playing... 8]
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reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (25 January 2006):
 Hey,
You are really young and I dont think that going out with a 45yr old is the best thing for any 16 yr old, he might as well be your dad. He lied to you about his age, do you think that something I wrong with that because Just think of it this way. You could never lead a normal life with this man. When all your friends are going out with their bf's for movie your's is going to be at the office. I hope that you make the right decision. You still have the rest of your life to find a man that you can love.
Good Luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): The same thing happened to me. I was 22 he told me he was 35 but he was really 45. I found out later that wasn't the only thing he had lied about. Have you met his family? Has he met yours? I know their opinion doesn't matter but if you're embarressed to take him home or he doesn't have any family that is a sign too. Why does he want to settle down with a 17 year old? Kinda odd. Are there children involved? The age gap is hard to deal with. I think you should get rid of him and find someone your own age that has similar interests. I know he makes you feel good. But realisticly what kind of future could you both have together. At 17 you still have a lot of growing up to do and he is probably set in his ways. Is he older than your parents? Just think that if he lied to you over that he WILL lie over over things.
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reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (25 January 2006):
 The fact that he has lied tells me that he isn't too bothered about lying to people he loves and could well do it again. I know he's come clean now but now you're just left confused.
That's a big age gap, he must look really good for his age!!! If you think the relationship is strong enough to survive through this, then of course, you can make it work. However, first, you must ensure there's nothing else you should know that he's been hiding from you.
I know how hard this must be, there is a rather large age gap in the relationship now but people do make it work very often. Make sure you work to get that trust back and I hope everything works out. Oh yeah, if he's lied about anything else, GET RID! You don't need a liar in your life. Good luck
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 January 2006):
 Let me sort this out...he told you he was 26 and you think he looks like 30 but in truth he is 45?! If you don't have any problems with age difference then what's the deal? Unfortunately you indicate by the tone of your letter that you do indeed have worries about a 28 year age difference. I sure don't blame you. When you are 45 (prime)he's going to be 73. Yikes!
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