A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is telling me I have to stop controlling him. I have been with him for over a year now this march an we have a 5 month old together too. Yes I have trust issues with him bc of our past, my trust has gotten stronger an better with him, within a year, but I just found out he has a facebook which he swore he didn't an he made a point too delete mine an that same day he went home an got on his. Then I heard a facebook notification go off on his phone an he wouldn't let me see it, he started makin up lies about what it was, an then he still wouldn't show me soo I new he was lieing, then he finally broke an told me he messaged a girl months an months ago a ex girlfriend that he fell hard for an he didn't want me too pick up his phone an see a message from her. I was pissed he not only lied too me once but one after another until he seen I wasent buying it. But he kept it from me! Now I'm constinatly wanting too know where he's at 24/7 who's he with, what he's doin, everything its driving me crazy, I look through his phone like a nut, his history an everything. I feel like this is gonna be the death of me why can't I just trust him like he trusts me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): He's not trustworthy. You are too controlling = He wants to mess around with the x and whomever else on FB!
A
female
reader, dollface1  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Hi
Firstly I'am so sorry.
I know exactly how you feel I used to be very controlling and im still struggeling to trust men, because of what men have done to me in the past.
firstly stop going through his stuff, wait it will come to you. the truth always comes out and when it does you can gun him.
remember guilt eats at a person, relax learn to trust yourself and your judgement.
relax, don't look for a fight, if he loves you enough he will stop his crap without you telling him to. test him and his judgement, don't freak out, if you do he won't tell you anything, epescially if you snooping and he knows you are. when he tells you something, say thank you baby I appreciate you telling me this in this way he will always tell you things instead of hiding them.
men don't like women who moan at them, they start to rebel against you because the feel like they can't do anything and they caged in!then you fight and when you fight they start to wonder, why they even with you and you don't want that!
remember without trust a relationship won't survive, don't let him know you don't trust him keep it to yourself, you can still keep an eye out but don't let him know, play a game with him. i know its crappy keeping your emotions inside but it works. in time he will either show you, you can trust him or not without you snooping.
when his phone goes off pretend it doesn't bother you, keep yourself occupied with other things focus on yourself instead of him and he will focus on you.
if you notice the lieing continues, give him an ulitimatium and say if this continues im leaving and take it from there.
hope I helped
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A
female
reader, Cherrie_StPierre  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Because he's untrustworthy! You keep giving him chances and then he keeps lying and covering up stuff. You really need to sit him down and have a good long talk about this. If he loves you at all, he will take into consideration how hard he is making it for you to trust him. tell him you can't live like this, it's eating away at you. You need to be honest with him, even though he's not being very honest. If you can't trust him, you can't be together. Maybe you should tell him that. I am not saying you should leave him at all, but you should basically scare him with the thought that you are thinking about it It should turn his way and realize that he's only making your trust for him worse. xoxoxox
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