A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Making this short because I just recently found out. I don't know how to tell any of my friends about this either but I've been dating this guy I work with for about 2 months and all this time I thought he was 25 because that's what he told me. He even looks like he's in his 20's. Well... I did some creeping because it got me wondering why he asked me if I liked 80's music.. And he has like 4 properties. I went on his fb and there's a post from 2009 saying "the big 33" it freaked me out. So I typed his name and the hs he graduated from and it says class of 94'. How should I tell him about this???? I'm only 19 and the thought of it really grossed me out. It sucks so much because I really liked him we see each other every day and work at the same place! -_- He just started college at the university too so what should I do??? This has NEVER happened to me. Ever. And I don't even want to tell my friends because it's embarrassing
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate! He's too commited and I'm not looking for that type of relationship. I'm going to be 20 and it's spring break. I realized he's way too old for me and I can't date someone as old as my mother lol. I'm going to stick to guys around my age no older than 5 years :) thanks everyone!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2014):
 OP, no one can tell you not to date someone. It's up to you. But if you have to lie and not tell your best friends about a relationship then there's something wrong.
You are an adult, he is as well. You are free to do whatever you like. If you are okay with it then why do you need our approval?
Personally, I would not be okay with a guy lying about his age and I would not be comfortable to lie to my friends and family about dating him either.
But if that is what you want to do, go for it.
I just think he sounds like one of those creepers. But whatever, it's your life, spend the time with him if that's what is important to you.
Good luck, be safe and by all means, if you are sexually active, take sensible safe sex precautions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): Don't get into lying, just tell people, it's your choice who you date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe're talking again. He asked me to be his gf, I said yes. But I told my friends and people I work with that I'm not talkin to him anymore. I really do like him. I just don't want people thinking I'm a fool because I'm back with him. I just want to keep it on the low with him, is that bad? And he already told someone we work with that we're together. And they're going to see us together tomorrow on a movie date because that's where we work at... By the way he only lied to me about his age. Everyone at work already knew how old he was and they thought I knew too. They never mentioned anything to me because " we looked happy and cute together"
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2014):
Hi OP, any followup? Did you speak to him or decide to cut him off for misrepresenting himself?
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (19 February 2014):
Lying about ur age by a couple of years is ok. I've done it. I like to say I'm 27 or 28 rather than 30 which I will be this year. But 33 is a large age gap for a 19yr old. Whether u meet up with him is ur choice. He may have felt embarrassed about his age and because he liked u, thought it'd be ok to say he was younger. But how did he think you'd never find out? He's hurt u granted and if u meet up with him, be on ur guard. What else has he not told u about? There could be more. If u do meet up and decide to forgive him, because you like him do u think u could give him another chance? That's the hard part. Take a few days to digest all of what's happened and see where u want to go from here. Don't make decisions when ur upset.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2014):
 OP what do you think he wants to talk about?
how hard it was to lie to you? (really he did it with a straight face for how long?--do you not think he would have continued this as long as he could?)
how youthful he is? yeah well 40 is right around the corner for him and that's solidly middle aged and men really start to feel their age around 40 or 45....
if you want to forgive him lying... that's your call but if he can lie to you about his age, what else do you think he can lie about?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's not giving up at all... He wants to meet up for dinner and talk about this. I developed feelings for this guy and everyone is telling me to ignore him.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2014):
Just tell him to stop calling you. Say you accept his apology but that you do not date men twice your age. That he will be forgiven if he doesn't lie about his age to anyone else and that he stops trying to make contact with you. If he persists you can tell him he's being a stalker creep as well as a liar.
Then block his number and deal with him at work as though he was just another colleague.
I expect the good news is that the next time you date a guy, you will know a lot more about him before you get too close, knowing what you know now. Life has an unpredictable way of providing lessons when we least expect them.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
thanks for the follow up.. he's correct... telling the truth after a lie is hard... and owing up to your own aging is hard too.
BUT your comment "my friends are pissed too" is misplaced.
YOUR FRIENDS have no room in this relationship. IT is between you and him. Your friends could be THRILLED and it would should not matter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I've been ignoring him ever since I called him out. He's been blowing up my phone apologizing and asking me to forgive him. I told my friends too, they are also pissed off just as much as I am. It sucks because I really liked this guy. But him lying to me about his age is something he shouldn't have done. He said he's been trying to tell me the truth but it's not easy.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (17 February 2014):
 This is a bit tricky because if he's aged 37-38, then presumably he's your senior at work? A manager or something? And why's he enrolling in college/Uni at his age, when he's already a successful man with 4 properties? I mean, it's not against the law to study at a later stage in life but this is creepy it he's a 37-38 yr old man working with 19 year olds, enrolling at Uni/ college and posing as a 25 year old.
I assume you're going to stop dating him? I hope it doesn't make things weird for you at work, and I hope his enrolling at college was a lie. Or at least you can avoid him assuming you're not taking the same classes.
He sounds like a weird one, and I would tell your friends about him. Who cares about embarrassment, I'm more concerned that you're safe.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 February 2014):
if my math is right.. then you are 19 to his 37... 16 years.
which if you were 30 and he was 46 would not phase me at all...
The bigger issue is he lied. The fact that HE lied to you and you trusted him is nothing to be ashamed of.
IF your friends give you grief for HIM being a liar, you need better friends. YOU did nothing wrong other than TRUST someone.
The sad part is, if he had told the truth I would tell you to carry on... I'm 13 years older than my husband so I have no issues with age gaps but the problem is the older partner normally needs to be very hesitant to "tie the younger partner down" when they are not, I worry more.
HE LIED because he's not coping well with his age... hence his comfort level with a 19 yr old and returning to college. The reason you guys get along so well is probably due to his immaturity. THIS is not a good thing and you will probably out grow him in a few years even if you stay with him.
Cerberus is right in that he will give you a whole song and dance routine to make it seem reasonable that he lied. IT is not. IF he lied about this, how do you know he doesn't lie about other things (like a wife and kids)? You don't. And now you will never trust him.
NO trust means NO relationship.
I would do him a favor and tell him just that once you verify it's him and it's the truth...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): He's been lying to you for two months and given his age he pretty much knows a relationship is all but impossible so he's pretty much been using you too.
I'd dump him, and I wouldn't ask him for an explanation either he'll just feed you a pack of lies about being scared about you not giving him a chance and might try to sweet talk you when the fact remains he knows only a casual sex thing is possible with a girl your age.
OP he's older than 33 unless he somehow graduated from school at 14.
Just make sure you have the right guy, I'm not questioning your creeper skills but be sure it's the guy you're seeing and not someone with the same name.
The only reason you should feel embarrassed is not creeping him earlier. Everyone who meets someone new they want to start dating should extensively vet a person online first, especially women.
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female
reader, StyleAdvice +, writes (17 February 2014):
There is nothing embarrassing about it...only you can decide whether such an age gap is acceptable to you and your circumstances. Your friends will be behind you all the way, although your parents might be worried.Look him straight in the eyes and ask why he felt the need to lie to you and whether he thinks that a relationship based on a lie would have been acceptable to him. I believe that to be more of a problem than the age gap.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): Honey, Run!!! He's 38, and your 19!! yes age should'nt matter, but if he was a straight up guy he would of told you his age from the start. It would of made him, a man who knows he's older, and young at heart, with self esteem giving you the option to decide. The fact that he lied just shows he is a bit of a predator,and wants a younger woman. The lying is already a bad sign. What else is he lying about You can do better. Goodluck and take care Bella!! :)
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reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (17 February 2014):
 If age is just a big thing to you and coupled with the fact that he lied, dump his sorry ass and just say to your friends that it did not work out. Move on and don't panic/stress
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reader, crushed_by_love +, writes (17 February 2014):
The age difference needn't be a problem. There's a lot of theories about the ideal age difference between men and women, especially considering the rate at which they mature as people. So in that respect, it COULD work, particularly if he's young for his age.However, that said, my advice would be to dump him! Why? Because he's a liar. If he can't be honest with you about something that can't be changed or denied, you can't trust him in a relationship.I think you know that too which is why you're asking the question. The not wanting to tell your friends aspect wouldn't come into it if you were really into him but now the trust has been broken, you're looking for a reason to finish it that doesn't make you look like you've been duped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): don't tell your friends, you need to talk to him, and find out why he lied. dump him if he doesn't give a reasonable answer. he could be after anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): Don't panic, if he's the one that lied to you then your friends will understand when you tell them and they'll no doubt be quite concerned that he lied to you. The best way to confront him about this is to be straight with the truth, tell him you looked on his Facebook and saw his real age and that you're not happy about it or the fact he lied. If he loses his temper then he only has himself to blame. You're not in the wrong here and so your friends will understand. If you don't like the age gap then you need to be honest about it, but it's not embarrassing because a lot of people have massive age gaps in their relationships. Just be honest.
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