A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about a month now. Actually, we have dated before, over a year ago and it lasted about 10 months back then. We remained really good friends while we were not together, even though I was dating someone else.After I broke with that someone else, I had a FWB situation with a guy. it was amazing, and not just the intimacy. He is a really great guy and I feel like there is something more. We still kept in touch since I got back with my boyfriend. I miss him sometimes and he basically (not in so many words) says he does too. I don't know if I believe him or he just wants to get back in my bed. But he is not the lying type either from what I know. Even if there is something more, I don't really know what it would lead to either.My boyfriend and I have always been really good friends. But sometimes he really drives me nuts as a boyfriend. And honestly, I don't see myself with him for a very long term, and I feel like the love I have for him is more of a best friend type. I am curious to give it a try with my FWB. But I don't know. One thing I know for sure is I am not a cheater, and I don't want to break up with my boyfriend because I don't want to lose my friend. But it will probably happen sooner or later because, again, I don't see myself with him few years from now.I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 yes it will probably end with your boyfriend eventually and either you will remain friends or you won't. Personally I think it odd to remain friends with a former romantic partner other than causal contact. You can say you are friends but in reality you are merely friendly.... there is a difference.
as for what you should do... you are emotionally cheating on the current boyfriend and you owe him better than lies and deceit.
EVEN if your FWB doesn't work out, you are more into him than the boyfriend... you already gave it a go with boyfriend 10 months ago and now ONE MONTH in and you are seeking answers...
better to end it with boyfriend now whether or not FWB wants more or not.
As for FWB... you can try it out but if it was meant to be more than FWB unless you shot him down when he tried for more, it's probably all there is.
DO NOT be afraid to be single and un partnered. I think the BIGGEST mistake women make is being afraid to go it alone.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Kudos to Cerebus for a thorough and thoughtful reply. Read it twice and follow his guidance....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): First things first, OP. Why are you with a guy you see no future with? Are you one of these women so scared of being alone that she'll string along men in relationships she doesn't want just so she never has to be single?
You're being very unfair on him by wasting his time like this and with all due respect friends don't do that shit to each other so you're not being a good friend to him either. End it as soon as possible and go back to being friends. Tell him you gave it a shot but your heart just isn't it.
Forgive me, OP, but only weak minded selfish people need to wait until they're sure they have someone else lined up before they leave a relationship, so if that's what you're doing here, try and have enough respect for the guy you're with now not to treat him like a stand-in while you go find someone you really want to be with.
I think you'll find people like that get found out really quickly and people learn not to trust those people.
FYI: You pretty much are cheating on your boyfriend emotionally with this other guy, OP, by talking the way you do with him about missing each other intimately. You are cheating because you're pursuing other guys romantically while you're with him.
So perhaps instead of doing what you want, maybe you should what's right here and end the relationship before you start considering your other options.
I mean what's the hold up? You need to sure the other guy will be waiting for you before you do? Then grow a pair and woman up. You really don't want to find out the hard way what happens to people who treat others the way you're treating your current boyfriend by going behind his back trying to find another guy before you dump him.
As for FWB guy I doubt he misses you in the way you hope. If he liked you he would have tried to get you to be more than FWB's when he had the chance. I hate saying that too because I have a feeling by telling you he's most likely only interested in sex you're just going to use that as an excuse to stay with your current guy and keep stringing him along.
If what I'm saying is not your intention and you're not purposefully playing this guy then you need to let him to go soon as that's the best chance you have of keeping him as a friend. Maybe you're just an indecisive person in general, well, OP, that's even less of a reason for people to trust you. How can people ever trust a person who can't even make a simple decision to do the right thing?
Dump your boyfriend and if you respect him you'll give it a bit of time before you shack up with your FWB. You see the honourable order of things, OP, is to wait until you're single before you start considering your options.
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