A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so i've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 5 months now, and i just don't know what to do anymore. i've been friends with him since we were 11, and i thought we knew so much about eachother, but ever since we've been going out he's just seemed to change. he's clingy and gets very easily jealous. even when i talk to boys that we are both friends with, he gets paranoid and thinks i like them, which is really bugging me. also, the worst thing of all is the fact i think he's constantly lying to me. he told me that he had HIV about a month ago. at first, i thought he was kidding, but he has mentioned it quite a few times since then. the thing is, we started having sex before he told me, so i'm left with the options that either he's lying about a serious issue just to get me to pity him, or he had sex with me without telling me he has a life-threatening disease which i could have caught (even though we've always used condoms).i know that either way i will be upset, but i just don't know how to ask him whether or not he was lying to me. i mean, he says he was born with it, but i don't know enough about HIV to question it. but, i feel he's just lying, seeing as he has always seemed pretty healthy and in the many times i have been to his house, i have never seen any medication. i know i don't want to be with him anymore, he's a great friend, but just not the best boyfriend for me... i just need to know what to do.thanks alot. (:
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condom, hiv , jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): Hi. No he is not the best boyfriend for you. I'm sure he isn't lying about having HIV. Why would he lie about that? People with HIV can appear very 'healthy and normal'. The best advice is to assume he is telling you the truth and get yourself off to your nearest GUM clinic and get tested as soon as possible.
Anyone with an infectious disease should always tell a potential sexual partner BEFORE commencing a sex life with them. It is just what you do!
Your boyfriend did not have your best interests or safety at heart and that was horrendous of him. Condoms are OK but they can split, tear or slip off during sex. You might not even be aware it happened if he kept quiet about it. Condoms should be inspected after use to make sure they are still fully intact. If they aren't then you must go along to a GUM clinic and explain a condom broke. Then you'll be treated with a preventative medication for a month. Did he explain that to you? Also there is a risk of contracting HIV through oral sex.
He is most likely being clingy with you because he knows you might chose to leave him now. So he is starting down the path of manipulative behaviour, which will eventually leave you feeling very miserable. None of this is healthy for you.
In my opinion it would be better to explain that you can not be with someone who could,
A. Knowingly expose you to a life threatening illness and not tell you, just so he could have sex.
B. Not love you because...see above!
C. Become jealous and clingy over ordinary things like friendships.
Then leave him.
Please do go and get checked and don't sleep with anyone else until you have the all clear.
A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Please leave him, immediately.
He has lied to you, put your health at risk and you are so young with your life ahead of you. He is jealous and possesive, these last 2 issues are enough of a concern, let alone the HIV.
Please let this one go, he is not the person you thought he was, he is a manipulator and a liar and he is displaying very worrying abusive traits. You deserve a nice, romantic, loving relationship at your time in life, not a heavy antagonistic abusive one, where your actual health is in jeapordy. LET HIM GO for your own sake.xx
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (8 August 2011):
 The man lied to you about exposing you to a disease that could change the rest of your life.
That is a pretty big thing to withold from someone.
From your post, it does not seem like you trust this person any more, so why allowing them in your life?
Get tested. (You will have to do it more than once unfortunately). Get yourself to a clinic and talk about the risks and get educated about HIV/AIDS.
I think you already know what to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): well if you're not going to be together any more, whether he actually has HIV or not is irrelevant. The important thing for you is to get tested to make sure you don't have it - better to be safe than sorry!!
If you don't want to be with him, tell him. don't string him along. Just explain how you feel, but that you love his friendship!
keep us posted! x
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (8 August 2011):
 Leave this guy. He took advantage of you and lied to get what he wanted. And he doesn't let you have any friends. Unfortunately, HIV can be given through sexual contact and even making out. So it's most likely that you could have it. Break up with this guy and then go to a doctor to test for it and if you have it, learn about the best treatment options. And always be safe and don't have sex with anyone until you can fully trust them.
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