A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,There is much wisdom here, so I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my situation.I am not where I want to be in life. I do not make enough money, and am not sure about my career. Because of this situation, for years I have held back from dating. I am now in my late 30s.Recently, the loneliness has been adding to my frustration. Some friends tell me I should date already and find a good woman. But I reply that I should wait until my life is where I want it to be. They counter that a good woman will HELP me get my life where I want.So my question is this:Should I wait to get my life in order, or should I begin to explore the dating front even though I am imperfect, not wealthy, etc.?I hope you understand what I am asking. If not, I can clarify. Thank you!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 August 2011):
 IF we wait to do things till things are perfect very few things would ever get done...
If I had waited to have babies till life was perfect, I'd be childless... If I had waited for life to be perfect I would not have gotten the job I started with which GREW into the job I have now and is a great job.
I would not be with my most IMPERFECT boyfriend now...
WAITING for perfection means constantly waiting. My life was OK.. now that I am an imperfect woman with an imperfect man having an imperfect life I'm happy and together we are working towards being BETTER...but as we both say over and over "it will NEVER be perfect" half the fun is striving to be better than we are...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. Now it is just a matter of letting it sink in.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (8 August 2011):
 You do not have to be perfect or wealthy.
Address what seems out of order in your life, but do it for yourself first.
Examine if you think the things that need to change are reasonable or if someone of substance SHOULD accept you for who you are.
There is a big difference between someone who is jobless, in a financial hell, has a sketchy pass, lives in his parents basement and wants a sugar Momma until he finds himself....
VS. A nice guy who has a job and a means to support himself and is actually on the path of making something out of his life and not waiting on someone else to make it for him.
I disagree that a good woman will help you get your life where you want. In a couple, you help eachother and support each others dreams and needs. You accept each others priorities and values.
I think if you are ready to have a relationship and have the means to at least take care of yourself, share in the cost of dating and be upfront with those you date about circumstances you believe are holding you back.
Chances are you will do just fine:)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): Of course. A man should always date throughout his entire life, wether he's happy with it at the moment or not. We are hard-wired to mate women. Don't fight your own nature, just go with it.
This whole "first get your life on order" thing is just society and parent's programming. Get rid of it and make your own rules, if you feel like seeing women, do it.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 August 2011):
 Here's the thing: do you expect you'll magically understand all the intricacies of dating and relationships the moment you decide to start? Or do you expect there will be a learning period, perhaps a long one?
Once your career and life are "perfect" - if there is such a thing - you'll then be dating blind. Start now, when you still have the flexibility to move to a new place to be with someone, or to be away from someone. Start when it doesn't matter if things work out, rather than waiting until you're fixated on building a relationship, *any* relationship, rather than a good one.
Besides, wealth helps, but it's not the be-all and end-all. It's a substitute or supplement for confidence and power.
Read this and give dating a shot.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
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