A
female
age
41-50,
*ordicWife
writes:Well, here I enter 2010 with a broken heart after a three year relationship and a year and a half or marriage. My husband was suppose to join me and my family for Christmas. I left early due to my brand new born nephew and my love was suppose to show up days later. In the mean time, he drops me off the the airport, kisses me, talked the moment I landed...but days before he was suppose to come but instead he sent me the most painful email telling me he will not join me anymore and that he filed for divorce. He said he has been thinking about it for a while and even planned it..he changed his number, his family won´t talk to me cause he asked them not to, I feel like they support his decision and I feel like such a fool and humiliated in front of my family and friends. I love my husband, we had our arguments that he never got over..(I forgive and forget, but he holds it in), he changed his number so that I can not get a hold of him, I found out that he moved to Hollywood to make it big in a band instead of following through our plans to have a family next year...I feel like I do not know this man anymore. He hurt me to me tremendously but I would be willing to forgive and forget and have him back. I consume my days with the thoughts of how one day he will realize how much he misses me and he will remember of all the good we had. It was more good than bad, but right now all he wants is to set free and get divorced. Am I just day dreaming or this will never happen again??!I can not function right, I am taking two antidepressives, I don´t feel like living, all my dreams of having a family are shreded, to be with him is all I ever dreamed of. I can not picture my life without him. He said on his email that this is the hardest letter he has to write and that he still cares for me, but we are better of without each other. I feel like I have ruined my marriage, I am feeling guilty and hopeless about saving my marriage. I offered the couseling option, medication for my slight depression..I offered it all to him. All he said is that his decision is final and that I need to move on. Is there still a chance he will come around. Please help me. (I feel like a teenager all over again)
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female
reader, Armywife +, writes (7 January 2010):
I'm adding myself to the list. I'm soo sorry. I know what you are going through. Me and my husband have been together 7 yrs. He is in Iraq right now and last month he just stopped emailing or calling. On Christmas eve he sent me an email wishing me and everyone a merry Christmas and that was it, he didn't tell me he loved me or missed me... Then on dec 28th he sends me an email that says he wants a divorce, he's not happy, the sparks not there, he doesn't feel the same about me like he did in the beginning and that we need to go our seperate ways. He told me something was missing. So he hasn't called in prob a month and a half and the 28 or 29th was the last email I got from him and I haven't heard from him since. He told me he wanted a divorce in an EMAIL!!! I know he wants a divorce but he's left everything up in the air. I don't even know when it will actually happen. He hasn't even told his family thAt he is divorcing me. I have cried and cried and cried and I don't think I can cry another tear. I've been faithful and supportive through it all and this is how he tells me. Yes I'm crushed and yes I'm struggling day after day trying to understand And accept what he is telling me. I've asked him not to do this and at least call and talk to me And he hasn't... If this is what he wAnts I have no other choice than to let him go. Things are slowly becoming clearer to me and I'm just taking it one day at a time. I love him enough to let him go. Why would I wAnt him to stay when he is so unhappy with me...why would I want to stay with someone who doesn't even want or appreciAte me...why would I wAnt to stay when I give and give my entire heArt and get nothing in return... Think about how unhappy u are right now, u don't want to live or love like this. You deserve hAppiness and reAl love! You are going to make it through this! I'm not saying it's going to be eAsy but that's okay... Just let it all out girl! We are going to get through this! I've been praying about everything and I'm starting to find peAce. We have our whole lives ahead of us! Get excited about your future! Just work on yourself and leAve the rest in gods hands...just give it time. Everything will be okay. if you need to talk just let me know okay. U are not alone in this and u Are stronger than what u think.
A
female
reader, NordicWife +, writes (2 January 2010):
NordicWife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI woke up this morning feeling so desperate...I am turning 30 in a few days. I feel so hopeless to save my marriage since he is not emailing me back..I actually quit emailing him the day before Christmas, yet I found out that he went in my email and read stuff I talk to our common friends since he told them to stay out of this situation..The only thing that keeps me going it the thought that I am going to see him in LA after some time of cooling off and when he sees me he will realize he still loves me. Am I pushing my luck? It can´t be any more worse than this I am feeling right now. I know there are people out there having it lot worse than I am ...I have my health still, I have my parents arm around me each time my eyes get watery, a roof over my head, but not a husband I am still in love with. Should I go to LA and try find answers and try winning him back??? Will any good come out of this?? This thought is the only thing that keeps me going to be honest. Thanks for your kindness on helping me out.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 January 2010):
 I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. I can't imagine the pain you are going through.
Right now you need to concentrate on yourself and dealing with each day as it comes. It seems that he has put a lot of thought into this decision and as much as it hurts, you need to take him at his word. Maybe down the road he will change his mind, but none of us can say for sure. Please take care of yourself in the meantime, and I hope things get better for you soon.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): My husband of eleven years left me over a month ago. Sounds like you and I both didn't have a very nice holiday season. As I read your story, it felt like mine. Bless your heart. We don't need to feel "guilty" or embarrased ANY more. Gosh, I know how it hurts. Especially when his family which became your family won't speak to you anymore. Mine either. Including my step children. We will get tired of crying after awhile. We will heal. Let's heal together.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 January 2010):
There's no chance he will come around I'm afraid. You married a man who simply wasn't up to standards, and he couldn't even tell you he wanted a divorce to your face. Frankly, that shows how pathetic he is. Get a lawyer and get all you can out of him, then move on. I know you're looking for reasons and for closure, but if you waste time looking for them, you'll spend the rest of your life alone and unhappy. For whatever reason, he wants to move on. Let him and find a guy who really does love you.
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