A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everybody,Please help!My boyfriend left me when i was a month pregnant.I take care of myseslf during all my pregnancy time.I had never heard about him and I did not know where he was neither.I took over everything on my own,no child support,and I have my baby's custudy.After 13 months he wants to get back with me and he pretends that he is the best man,and he will be the best husband.I still love him,but I want him to pay back for some years before we can rejoin.Any sugestion please,My baby is 6 months,he wants to marry me before the baby can be older,i do not know what to do.My parents hate him now,and i do not feel like leaving my career for him anymore.I thank anyone who will take a few second to answer. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): I really thanks to everyone who spends their times to support me via their ideas.I love the advices and I will try to apply them.Thanks
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (25 March 2011):
You gave yourself the best advice that you can ever receive: “I still love him,but I want him to pay back for some years before we can rejoin.” He needs to work to get back where he was and that comes with a lot of begging anything less isn't worth it. Let him be a man and take care of his responsibility as a father and some day husband. He would have to show me in deeds and that mean he'll be basically maintain two households until I am for sure he on the up and up.If he had a good relationship with your parents then it will be his part to fix it and you don't interfere in helping him in anyway. Your child needs a good relationship with his/her grandparents so that’s his job and not yours. He needs to earn his way back that way he want try this again.
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A
female
reader, shiori +, writes (25 March 2011):
marry him. he obviously is trying to make up for the mistake he made.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Depends on the situation. If the pregnancy was accidental - or worse, against his express wishes - then you can understand why he would need some time to come to grips with things. Guys have zero choice regarding pregnancy, but are still expected to be responsible for it; the combination can result in some erratic behavior.
If that's the case, I'd say let him back into your life, but tell him you aren't making any promises until you've decided whether he will be a good father. Consider it a trial basis. No retribution, no harsh words, just giving him the chance to live up to the decision you both think is right. The standards for being a good father will be mostly up to you. Your parents might have some valuable input, if they can get past his disappearance in the first place.
On the other hand, if you and he meant to get pregnant, he has no excuse. That would be a situation where he is not able to live up to the role of a father, if he promises to do it but bails at the first sign of hardship.
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A
female
reader, JenL +, writes (25 March 2011):
 abandon a woman after she's pregnant is the worst. no matter what the reason is, it is cold-hearted & irresponsible. i will never be able to forgive such a guy because i can never forget the betrayal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really thank you guys,I ask him to wait for two or three years without any serious relationship.If he can he will do it,otherwise he will get discourage and leave me alone.To be serious this is my plan,but it will be a chock for all my surroundings if i choose to live my life with this man.I have a heart for him,but i do not forget all he has done to me and my family.I want to stop all communication with him,but i answer,or even call him back with no interrest.Love is terrific,help me find a way to survive it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): I think it would be very hard to trust again that someone won't hurt you that way again after doing all of that. It's up to you, but I would not marry him until he proves he's going to stick around this time and that he will be a stable part of his child's life. Don't quit your job for sure. Your parents are right to be worried and to hate him for hurting and abandoning you this way.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (25 March 2011):
 A few questions please...Why did he say he left you without even giving you a way to contact him?What made him come back now? Why would you have to give up your career for him?And last why is he in such a hurry to marry you now, without proving himself first by trying to be there for you and the baby for awhile, to show you he has really changed?
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A
male
reader, Tecno258  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I think what you need to do is find out what made him leave you. Was he afraid of being a father? If so is that the kind of man you want to be your child's father? Also what made him come back? Another thing you need to consider is that you have made it this far without any help from him. Do you really need him. Can you trust him after leaving you when you possibly needed him the most? Sorry I couldn't be more help.Hope I helped,Tecno258.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): I would tell him we have to start fresh and not rush into things we are not sure about, good luck!
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A
female
reader, kaykay1989  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I don't blame your parents to be honest but why all the sudden change of heart you need to make him understand he can't pick and choose when he wants to be in and out your babies life.I had a dad like that and it was the hardest thing for me you begin to think what did you ever do wrong. Hes out my life permenantly now his decision not mine. But I would think long and hard and not to rush into getting married because I think he's really got to prove himself first properly.Putting a ring on your finger isn't enough proof and i don't think you should give up your career just yet as i say you need enough proof before you start making any sacrifices for him. If he loves you as much as he says he will understand and won't rush you. good luck xoxoxox
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