A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went on a date with a guy I met online and it went well, I wasn't feeling a huge amount of chemistry but we were able to hold a conversation and 3 days after the date he asked me if I'd like to hang out again, and I agreed. I messaged him later that week to make small talk and he seemed unresponsive. Then the morning of the day we were supposed to go for lunch he messages me and says "sorry but I'm going to cancel today. I'm emotionally messed up and I don't think we'd be a good match"I'm really annoyed and I feel like he knew he wasn't interested but instead of saying nothing, he just wanted to get an ego boost by getting me to agree to the second date. I'm also annoyed that he had the option to cancel sooner and instead waited until the last minute. I have no idea what to say to him or if I should just say nothing but I want to tell him off. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 October 2016):
 It's totally normal to feel bad, rejected, even small, after the way this guy treated you. However, don't take it personally. You have to be thick-skinned in the big bad world of dating. You're putting yourself out there and you'll meet all kinds of people. It's all part of the experience.
At least he was honest and didn't string you along for sex. In today's day and age, count that as a blessing!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 October 2016):
 I would advise being the "bigger guy" here and just message him saying something along the lines of "No problem. I hope you get yourself sorted out soon and meet someone you click with."
That way you are not sounding bitter (which you really have no reason to feel, given what you have said), and I guarantee you will feel better than ranting at him for the slight you feel he has dealt you.
I hope YOU meet someone you click with as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2016): This isn't about you right? he said he has emotional problems...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2016): Sweetie, don't let your ego blow this all out of proportion. You're taking it too personally. Like HoneyPie says, don't read too much into it.
You should only get upset when strung along for weeks and receiving hot and cold responses. People have to evaluate their own feelings, recount the past date, measure the chemistry on their end; and weigh the pros and cons. He may have asked in spite of the fact you weren't "feeling a huge amount of chemistry." Sorry he wasn't able to call and upset you sooner.
I learned while in the dating pool to maintain my cool and retain a certain amount of emotional-cushioning for being stood-up or rejected. I didn't set my expectations too high, nor set my standards too low. I stay comfortably in the middle, and I remained calm. Girlfriend, you wouldn't believe some of the stories I could tell you over a glass of wine! It would curl your hair!
He hurt your feelings, but learn to spring-back; so these all too typical online snafus won't damage your self-esteem.
You gotta wear your big-girl panties when you're dealing with these flakes. Online dating gives you a lot more options and selections; and with that comes a lot more disappointments!
If he says he's emotionally messed-up; girl, you ducked a bullet!
Sometimes people are being nice to you by not admitting you were too eager, boring, jittery; or made them nervous. Sometimes once they meet you, they feel undeserving after thinking it over, and just decided to spare you the pain. It's not always what you think. Don't be cynical or bitter, or that says something about you!
He said you weren't a good match, after giving it more thought. He didn't outright blame you. You weren't feeling him anyway, maybe he picked up on that! So this shouldn't have plucked any nerves.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2016):
 Don't read too much into his actions.
Instead, YOU decide if a guy is someone you want to see again or not. If he cancels LAST minute it can mean a few things, not all bad. One can be an emergency, one can be he regrets asking for a second one, or he got a "better" offer that day to do something else.
Seems like you weren't really that into him either so why waste time telling him off? He might actually have had a real emergency (he might not), either way. I'd leave it at that and look elsewhere for someone to date.
You didn't really feel any chemistry with him on the first date but gave him a chance for a second one. Which I think is a good thing. However, he wasn't interested enough to make that second date happen.
So feel free to see what else is out there. You can block this guy or give him a second chance... It's really up to you.
Getting mad, I get it... but it's a waste of your time on a guy you barely know.
At least he didn't string you on for weeks or months.
HIS LOSS.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (7 October 2016):
 But...you weren't feeling with HIM either! So why waste either of your guys' time?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 October 2016):
 I understand you being angry and upset and wanting to tell him how he made you feel, but don't. Why lower yourself to his level. Just ignore the message and hold your head up high. He is the one messing around not you. Prepare for the next online date, hopefully he has better people skills :-)
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