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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: okay so here I go again..my husband and I separated..he cheated 4 years ago I was unable to forgive so much fighting he ended up finding another woman...again....well I kicked him out...its been 6 months now the kids dont talk to him his family my family all hate him...he told me then he never wanted to be married and that I made him hate marriage..he even said he loved me but was not in love with me....Valentines comes and he starts to text me if im out....hes nice!! hes apologetic! and he is trying to be very helpful...but I am now ready to move on....!! I cannot believe the men I have come into my life....my self-esteem is boosted again...lolwell, I got myself a place and he (MY EX) was shocked he wanted my to stay with my mom for ever I guess....what I want to know..is he avoids separation papers., he wanted to have lunch with me...he has done a 360 I am so confused...I dont know what he wants..6 months ago he met a very unattractive woman and says he is friends with her I dont believe him I asked if he was having sex with her and he said it was none of my business.....it cut like a knife I took that as a Yes..!!I am torn I dont know what he wants if he has a change of mind I could see today when he asked me out for lunch that he was not the crazed man..he was 6 months..we were married 22 years and together for 24 please help me on this ...one ...what could he possibley want...
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFloridaCatGirl Your not only beautiful, but very wise too!! I hear you on everything, he is messed up I see it, in the way he tries to talk to me I was thinking it was guilt, but the valentines text to see if I was out with anyone..wow that was a shock. He must of been thinking about it all day, he is going thru mid-life crises I know, but it has totally destroyed our marriage we very happy, and that is way I was horribly devastated, but I am better now, and feeling more stronger as the days go by..but yes he would have to do some deep counselling, and right now I am not ready to take him back not for a long time..lol.....I guess I was just wondering if everyone felt that he is still in love with me....??
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 I’m so sorry that you are going through this ordeal. You’ve been on quite a roller coaster ride. Let me get this straight… 4 years ago, your husband cheats on you, you struggle to forgive him (completely understandable), arguments ensue, instead of working on your marriage, your husband finds a new lover, you kick him out, you finally begin moving on and finding happiness, this cheater begins to miss you, and you are considering taking him back?
How has this man changed? I would guess one of three things… he got tired of his mistress, she got tired of him, or he is still seeing his mistress and wants his family too. In all likelihood, he realized you were moving on, and he wants what he can’t have. I imagine he thought you would just wait in the wings, while he shacked up with his mistress. Unless he underwent counseling for his issues, I’d contact a good divorce lawyer.
I realize you have been with this man for 24 years, but ask yourself… where was your husband when you were hurting and needed him most? It’s a case of too little, too late. You have just started healing and feeling good about yourself again. Allowing this man to come back into your life, is a huge gamble. Personally, I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of reconciling unless he went through extensive counseling on his own AS WELL AS marriage counseling. And don’t forget, he told you he loved you, but was no longer “in love” with you.
The thing is… you are well on your way to recovery after being betrayed and abandoned. Are you willing to risk going through all this suffering again, for the sake of a man who has done nothing to redeem himself? This is a man who thinks only of himself and his own desires. You deserve so much better than this.
I look forward to hearing back from you. What do you think will do? Keep your chin up!
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (18 February 2011):
I’m so sorry that you are going through this ordeal. You’ve been on quite a roller coaster ride. Let me get this straight… 4 years ago, your husband cheats on you, you struggle to forgive him (completely understandable), arguments ensue, instead of working on your marriage, your husband finds a new lover, you kick him out, you finally begin moving on and finding happiness, this cheater begins to miss you, and you are considering taking him back?
How has this man changed? I would guess one of three things… he got tired of his mistress, she got tired of him, or he is still seeing his mistress and wants his family too. In all likelihood, he realized you were moving on, and he wants what he can’t have. I imagine he thought you would just wait in the wings, while he shacked up with his mistress. Unless he underwent counseling for his issues, I’d contact a good divorce lawyer.
I realize you have been with this man for 24 years, but ask yourself… where was your husband when you were hurting and needed him most? It’s a case of too little, too late. You have just started healing and feeling good about yourself again. Allowing this man to come back into your life, is a huge gamble. Personally, I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of reconciling unless he went through extensive counseling on his own AS WELL AS marriage counseling. And don’t forget, he told you he loved you, but was no longer “in love” with you.
The thing is… you are well on your way to recovery after being betrayed and abandoned. Are you willing to risk going through all this suffering again, for the sake of a man who has done nothing to redeem himself? This is a man who thinks only of himself and his own desires. You deserve so much better than this.
I look forward to hearing back from you. What do you think will do? Keep your chin up!
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