A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.....I have a little prblem.. It may seem silly to most but to me its a big deal..I hate porn or any form relating to porn weather its a girl stripping or full sex I just hate it.My views on this is if a guy or a lassie has pron in their phone or on dvd r whatever then my view is they cant be happy in their relationship (if they are in 1 that is)... So my bf knows this and came home the other day with 2 videos of porn on his mobile and I hit the roof for the fact that he knows how I feel about it and they were disgusting.He says I'm over reacting and that he has them for a laugh , I'm sorry but whats there to laugh about?! When I asked him to delete them he took the huff, So I asked him "Did he have them cos he isnt happy in our relationship?"and he laughed at me and walked out the room....I havent mentioned it again as I know it will cause arguments and I dont want to argue with him over it as we have done so in the past and he made me feel bad and said that having porn or watching pron was part of being a man!!! Am I over reacting???
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): I don't think it's silly at all... I have the exact same opinion. I caught my boyfriend masturbating over porn and i hit the roof, kicked him in the balls and broke up with him. To me it is cheating. Whats so horrifically terribly ugly and putrid about me, that he has to masturbate over some skinny fake breasted blonde bimbo pleasuring herself with a dildo??? Nothing! I'm not fat, im not the ugliest girl around... When i asked him to stop he just told me to fuck off and deal with it. He doesnt respect my wishes, and your boyfriend obviously doesn't respect yours. Honey the best thing you can do is get rid of him. Do NOT listen to all these pricks that tell you to watch it with him.. Because he's sitting fantasizing about the pretty skinny chick on the tv who he WILL masturbate over later, while you are just enjoying to be in the moment with him... Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): My bf and I have had an ongoing dispute over his use of porn for the last year.He watches it as often as possible,daily even, even tho we are are having frequent sex, and uses it he says to relieve tension and just for fun.He knows very well that I have an extreme aversion to porn due to past experiences, and that it upsets me greatly but he still continues and lies.We are even starting couple counselling soon as our relationship is at rock bottom, yet he still continues with something that affects me on a very deep level.I dont know if I can stay with him , or anyone who uses porn to this extent and will not consider my feelings.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Imagine a chef who managed to close down all other restaurants so that customers could only eat his food. Say this chef was also able to prevent people from even looking at other food, whether in food magazines or watching the food channel, or whatever. No other food is left to crave but his. If he managed it, all he'd have to do is feed people mac and cheese maybe once a week. Now his underachieving life is safe and secure.On the other hand, it might be less work and ultimately more rewarding to simply put some time in to become an awesome chef himself.Men in general have no respect for people who spend all their energy insulating themselves from challenge. A woman's "porn-makes-me-feel-insecure" argument sometimes sounds like that to males. That's why men can't quite sympathize with it. You ladies make perfect sense to one another when you talk about the negative feelings you endure when you feel like you're being compared to the chicks in porn. But you're never gonna get through to the guys if that's all you've got.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): If he can't respect your wishes over porn then he obviously doesn't respect you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): I feel the same way with my bf. however he doesnt watch porn, because he says i am perfect and i make every other girl look ugly to him (this is his choice). he doesnt even masterbate because he says he wants me to do it for him because he feels it should be a joint thing!! that doesnt mean that its a one way thing because it never is. we do everything together and i`m with him everyday and every night, His friends are my friends. We even work together. if my bf thinks this way then why cant any other guy?. he should respect how you feel because if he doesnt then is that showing that he really loves you if he makes you upset. My bf would never hurt me in anyway. We have been together for years and i couldnt cope with another man. I dislike the majority *man* kind through personal experiences. and my bf is the best thing that could ever happen to me.
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyjomo +, writes (8 August 2007):
omg I totally know where you're coming from, I posted a very similar question. I think it's hurtful and disrespectful if your partner knows that it upsets you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Yes it's normal for him to look at porn (occassionally). Even men in committed relationships look at it sometimes, but most of us gals would rather NOT know about it. (It's so hard to measure up to someone who's been surgically enhanced and air-brushed to perfection, for God's sake!) Tell him you understand male hormones, you just don't want it crossing your path because it's disrespectful to your feelings and to the relationship, so he needs to remove it from his mobile phone. My guess is, he probably does it just to push your buttons. Once you stop freaking out about it, and act like it's no big deal, he'll probably start behaving better.
...............................
A
female
reader, skye +, writes (8 August 2007):
 I agree with MYP here. Speak calmly with your man and make it clear that you find this unacceptable and it makes you feel insecure in your relationship with him.
All relationships are based on trust and mutual respect. If you dont have this you have nothing. You are aware of which issues you are willing to compromise on and this obviously isnt one of them. So let him know that his reaction hurt you and you dont want this to be a continual problem between you both in the future as it has done in the past.
Stick to your guns and be sure he is aware that you will not put up with this EVER.
Good luck,
Skye
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Ok i don't think you are overreacting because you have made it very clear to him that you do not like porn, thats you opinion and you are entitled to it, everyone has different views on porn.
Now your boyfriend on the other hand obviously does like it and i don't think you should try to change that in any way he had it on his phone so it was personal to him, as much as you don't like it if you can't except him for who he is and what he likes then maybe you should think about getting out of the relationship you are in.
There are things that my husband does that i don't like and the other way round but that is just part of who we are so we except it.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): Not at all. He either doesn't have any sensitivity and respect for how you feel or perhaps he just doesn't think your being serious. If the problem is that he has no respect for your feelings, then who needs him? he sucks. But if its that he thinks your kidding and not taking what you say seriously then you need to somehow assert yourself and let him know that you are absolutely serious and that it hurts you and it's gotta STOP.And don't let him manipulate you to think that you are in the wrong. Guys do that just to get their way. And just so you know you are in the right ask yourself this: Would he act this way in front of his mom or sister? Or would it piss him off if some guy did that to his mom or sister. If the answer is yes, then he has no respect for you. But if the answer is no then that's just how he is. Take him or leave him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): hi, i think porn is to peoples own choice, your bf should respect your view on this but then why whould he stop looking at it if he likes it, he would only go behind your back, try to find some porn yourself at whatever level and see if you like it, why do you find it so disgusting, im a glamour model and get offers to do porn but turn it down but i still enjoy watching it!
...............................
A
female
reader, Unique1  +, writes (8 August 2007):
Wow, you know my man used to say that but he was lil betther than that. I had a problem even if he would watch it once in a while (even if every guy does) so he told me its reality, part of being a man... However, even somone with his opinion who tried to convince me took some time and realized that other than once in a while is too much and saw/realized my points and why i didnt like that. Having it on his phone is too much. I definately think so.He should've delited it when u asked. Maybe you over reacted at first and it got him mad but still, later he should've delited them. On the other hand, if he had them for some time now, you shouldnt care because he cant enjoy it or get hard or anything when he seen in planty times already... this is just to help you not stress aobut it until he relizes his mistake.You shouldnt let him convince you that you totally over-reacting because he shouldn't have that in his phone.That is just my view though
...............................
A
female
reader, myp +, writes (8 August 2007):
 ok wll he needs to respect your wishes and get over his macho trip. If u dont like it then you need to have a long talk about where u draw the lines in your relationship and whats acceptable to both of you. If he cant respect your request and jus blows off the whole issue then maybe u need to get a new man. He should respect how you feel and do what he can to make you happy jus as u should for him, he needs to learn to compromise.
best of luck
-Myesha
...............................
|
