A
female
age
41-50,
*andus
writes:why do i allow this to happen?Me and my boyfriend were home cuddling on the couch watching tv all of a sudden he leaves and picks his uncle up. He brings him back to the house they drink beer and vodka. Then after a while his uncle whispers something in his ear and they decided to go to his grandmother house. So i texted him i didnt get a answer for a hour i called no answer then i dosed off for two hours. Texted when i woke up he answered im at my grandma so i drove over there. His uncle come running to the car before i could even get out good he in the house with grandma but he was outside in the laundy room. Why i dont know so he came to me and said u think i been cheating. Don't u i havent im to drunk then five minutes later im everything but my name he told me he hates me. Im not what he wants its somebody else and he stayed out all night with his phone off. I didnt hear from him till ten the next morning. He does this everytime he drinks now. I believe everything he said about me he meant it why am i putting up with this? I feel like he has control over me and i cant leave he knows what to say to make me feel worthless and i need him please help!
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female
reader, candus +, writes (18 November 2010):
candus is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you so much for your answers
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 You have the strength to leave him. Prove him wrong and leave him without a word. When he starts wondering where you went or why, he will remember and he will see how incredibly wrong he was. You know it is not impossible. You know you can do it and there is no reason why you should abstain from it.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, dcSNsrawkward +, writes (18 November 2010):
I've worked at a woman's shelter, and I can tell you this much:
It's not your fault, it's never your fault. You are the victim here.
Verbal abuse is despicable, because he knows what to say to make you want to stay, but in this instance you need to listen to your gut. Please listen to your gut. Don't feel guilty, because he will try to make you feel guilty, but you need to leave. There are people out there who care about you, and you deserve someone who is worth staying with, who won't mistreat you and get drunk without thinking about other people.
Remember: The only reason he will ever reassure you he isn't cheating or try to "make up" is that he wants to make sure you don't leave. Don't fall for it, it could only escalate from here. If you accuse him, make sure you're around a friend that you trust when you do it. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. If you want to leave, make sure he isn't there, make sure you have a place to go (a woman's shelter or a homeless shelter), get your stuff there, and then break up in public or over the phone. Don't tell him where you are.
Is there an area woman's shelter you could go to to seek confidential help? Tell them the situation and let them guide you through this, I wouldn't seek the guidance of the average person because many people don't understand how men use the power of the system and stereotypes to control women.
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