A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been talking with a good friend of mine for a few weeks. We met about 3-4 years ago in college, where we hung out amongst a few friends for a couple of years. It was about half way through that I developed a crush on her, but she had a boyfriend so I didn't do anything about it. Then college ended and we kind of lost contact when we both started uni... Maybe a couple of messages here and there.Anyway, a month or so ago, we got back into regular contact. Since college she'd broken up with the boyfriend from college as well as a long distance relationship with another altogether.Well my crush on her has apparently only grown over the years and I am on the verge of asking her if we may be more than friends. We've kind of flirted back and forth through IM, but we're about an hour train trip away... And since we're both students, we're both quite busy, so it might end up being long distance except for certain holidays and weekends.Anyway, my question is in regard to how I should ask her out. The following is what I feel I should send:"Well let me start by saying that I am glad we are back in contact. It is always a joy speaking to you, even when we don’t have much to talk about. And above all else, I respect you and value our friendship.Now saying that, lately I keep getting this sense that you may have feelings for me beyond our friendship. Whether or not this is true, I am uncertain. However I am certain that I have these feelings for you. Please know that if I had been able to ask you this in person, I would have. The reason I did not ask over the phone is because I know how you dislike speaking over the phone, and the last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable.If you don’t feel the same way, then don’t worry about hurting me. I can take it; and I will try to stop any awkwardness from setting in. I would rather keep you as a friend than lose contact with you again.I would of course understand if you are wary of such a situation as this, but you must know that I would not ask were I not completely sure that the feelings I have for you are genuine and long-lasting. So I would ask you plainly if we may be able to become more than friends?"Basically, is there anything that can be improved? I really care about her and don't want to scare her away.Thanks.LongRange And Torn
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crush, flirt, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): It didn't go well. But we respect each other enough and our friendship was strong enough to withstand it. And who's to say what might happen in the future? Perhaps she might one day develop the same feelings I have for her? But I won't hold my breath. I'll get up, dust myself off and get on with life.
Thanks again you two.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Thank you for the advice.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 I would not go the letter route. Not everybody is into long distance relationships. When you chat with her, ask her whether she had been in LDRs before, whether she believes in general, it would work. This is an indirect way of asking her out without the awkwardness. She may have feelings for you, but when you get her to look at reality that you can only be close to each other during holidays she might think twice about it. The future is unpredictable, no one can make a guarantee that feelings can be long lasting. She already knows you are a gentleman and not a player.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Might I add a suggestion, omit the second paragraph. Don't put in there you're uncertain if she harbors the same feelings, that's the point of the letter. Plus, you don't want to make this letter awkward. Instead add it to the third paragraph, " Although I cherish out friendship, I find myself having feelings for you for quite some time now." Something along those lines.
On the second to last paragraph omit the "I will try to stop any awkwardness from setting in" technically you can't control the awkward factor, and this statement isn't needed. You have yourself a love letter, leave the awkwardness out, make it flow with feelings from your heart. Put your heart and effort into it.
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