A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a story to tell and then some questions, I ask for any insight.So, my husband went away for work for 5 weeks, two of which went great. Then, he stopped calling to say goodnight and I noticed him texting a particular number ALL the time. This was the one number that he had pointed out to me was a guy friend's of his, earlier in the week. After he stopped calling me, I decided to look into the number. Come to find out, it was another woman. So, I called him and calmly asked who's number it was, and asked him to check. He did, saying it was still the guy's. I asked him if he was sure, and he said yes. Then, I confronted him with the name of who it really was, he got real quiet and admitted it. I asked him to stop texting her, since if he's lying bout it, it can't be anything good. However, he just stepped it up and continued to text her for the next 3 weeks. He came home, we talked and he told me it was just a friend and he would stop tearing her and that he loves me so much. To make a longer story short, in the next 3 weeks I uncovered 3 different e-mail accounts that he was still contacting her on, the last one with a message he sent her saying, "Sorry, I had to change email addresses b/c my EX hacked into my account...". Now, I've never been his ex and we had been married for only 9 months when he did this. Come to find out, he never told anyone he was married the whole time and was quite the player-I saw some pictures. And also a hotel room that he paid cash for, that he never told me he stayed in. Also, he erased all the text messages. Now, here we are today where his actions still haven't really changed. I have issues with him texting other girls because he clearly wasn't able to draw the line the last time. It's only been a few months and he came home and has been acting like this isn't a big deal at all. I was devastated and there is zero trust anymore.I am wondering if anyone can give me any insight or opinions on this, because I am at a loss. He thinks I'm just jealous and overreacting. I just want a little time and to have him show me that he was wrong and realize how much he hurt me. I do love him, but I got married because I thought we were in love and I don't want to be playing games in my marriage. Any thoughts would be great. If you made it to the end, I appreciate your time.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (17 October 2010):
Lots of men don't consider light flings as cheating as they seperate between love and desire .
I think u should confront him and discuss it with him and have a heart to heart conversation with feelings put aside, as you need to know why did he lie and he needs to know that it troubled your trust and deeply hurt you and disappointed you.
Take it easy and don't act extra emotional around him, be calm and rational and try to get the truth out of him , that's your only way, but please make sure that if it happens again , you should walk away once and for all, cause cheating is cheating and he can't keep considering fun and betrayals as a leisure time and distraction when his wife is suffering and torn . good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): Wow this pisses me off. You are in the right frame of mind here miss. This man seems to be up to no good. Hope he is not playing any game.
I would def question the relationship at this point and see what his deal is. If he's interested in other women, its best to get a divorce. However, if he's apologetic and genuine Id highly suggest counseling. Rebuilding trust in a relationship takes time and a gameplan. Often times couples have a hard time with that because it requires a lot of compromise and also the emotions that deal with it. A qualified third party really can help string things together for you. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 You need to do some serious thinking, and make some hard decisions. You need to say to him what you have said to us you " got married because I thought we were in love and you don't want to be playing games in my marriage ".
If he isnt willing to back up his words by showing you he is serious about your relationship then start planning your exit ..... if he keeps putting the onus for his behaviour back onto you by saying you are jealous and over reacting, if he wont acknowledge your feelings in this, he isnt going to change.
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