A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is really quiet and shy. She's explained to me why (childhood experiences relating to abuse and fitting in pressures). And I'm totally understanding of that. I just want to know what would be the best approach of getting her to trust me, to finally let her guards down. I would never do anything to hurt her. In fact, I love her. I want to tell her that but I don't want to make her feel uneasy. Can someone offer any advice? She means the world to me and I just want her to be relaxed when she's around me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd just like to say I'm actually a guy, when I was opening this account I accidentally clicked female. Sorry :)
A
female
reader, brokenhearted1265  +, writes (17 October 2010):
I can relate to this because I am somewhat like your girlfriend. I went through alot of fitting in issues growing up as well and from the description of her shyness, I can relate. After reading these answers ONE thing stands out.....Do not give her any reason to not trust you. This is huge. And please make her feel loved. That sounds like all she needs to feel better. Patience. Patience. Patience.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): Be consistent with who you are as a person. She needs to see that you are genuine in your ways and once she feels secure with you are, hopefully she'll feel more at ease and perhaps even open up more to you. Her situation is normal tho I do feel bad. You seem like a nice fella. Just keep on being who ya are. She'll come around :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): It depends on the type of abuse and fitting in issues that she endured. Would you mind sharing, as it's possible I can suggest a successful strategy providing she seems to have the same background as myself.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Be patient, hon. These issues don't go away overnight. I suggest that you don't try to bring her into like clubs or huge parties or massive gatherings. Spend as much time as possible with her. When it comes to sex, don't goad, plead etc. Let her take the reigns. If she feels uncomfortable or you feel that she is,stop right away. Be affectionate, hug her often, hold her hand. Watch her reactions carefully. Find little ways to remind her you care like: cute little notes in her purse, her fav candy on her pillow etc. Be there for her as much as possible. Give her no reason to mistrust. For example, if her ex cheated, make sure you never give her reason to even suspect you. If she was verbally abused, compliment her often and mean it. Just be patient and loving. You love her, you can heal her. Wait for the moment shes most happy/at ease, when you feel love surging through your whole body and then, tell her how you feel. It'll be like that Chris Rice song "When Did You Fall" something she'll remember always :)
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (17 October 2010):
Time and consistency is what is needed for trust. Just keep showing her that you're there for her, that you care about her, and that you would never do what people in her past have done. With words and with actions. You sound like you have the right intentions, so just go with what you're feeling.
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