A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I got married in June this year to my gorgeous man who I have been seeing for 5 years. My problem is this ... he has photos of an old girlfriend in a special box including photos of them kissing and he is reluctant to throw them out ... I dont think this is acceptable. Am I being reasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): I am divorce and have childrens. I still have pictures of ex wife. these picture is for my children. I ll give em when they grow up. yes, this box should hide somewhere.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): Can I relate to this, totally. Same thing happened to me and it bothered me a great deal, but not because he had a hundred pictures of a girl he'd been dating for 7 months, but because he only had two of me and we'd been together for many, many years! The pics of her were trophies. (She was a stunning young woman. But I'm no slouch, either.) Somehow, pictures of me just didn't mean anything to him. They still don't. Last Christmas he surprised me with pictures of him and the kids. He'd taken them to a photographer as a surprise because I'd wanted family portraits. Family would include all of us, but...he doesn't want pictures of me. We're divorcing. If your pictures are important to him, don't worry about it. If he only wants pictures of her, leave him now!
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female
reader, risk_ann  +, writes (10 November 2007):
When I first started dating my husband, he had pictures of his ex all over his room.
I asked him if he was going to get rid of them, but he said that she was a part of his life he didn't just want to forget.
I could respect that, but at the same time, I thought that it was disrespectful to me.
I gave him a little while, and the pictures slowly dissapeared, but we did have a conversation about why he broke up with her, and that the part of his life she was in was basically lies...
I would ask him why he wants to hang onto the past. He should just get over it, espically if he wants you to get over him holding onto the photos.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): I went through something similar. I happened across my ex-fiance's box full of pictures and cards from all of his exes. I didn't like it, but didn't say anything. He was a very emotional/sentimental guy, but I'm glad I broke up with him, because I don't want to have to worry if he is over his exes or not. Right after we got engaged I asked to see one of his videos of a trip he went on with his ex-girlfriend. He started to get teary-eyed and I was pissed! He says he will always have a love for her, but that he loved me more and would never go back to her. I don't know if he was telling the truth, or if it was just because her parents hated him. Either way, we broke up over many reasons (not this one) but reading your question it reminding me of what I went through. If it bothers you, it bothers you and you should tell him and if he respects you he will get rid of them. If not, he is a loser!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): If this was a male complaining about his wife's old stuff, then the advice would be, "A woman's got to have a few secrets" or something like that.
It would be deemed totally acceptable and her business, and the man posting would be criticized to some extent for even daring to have an issue with it.
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male
reader, PhilManco +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I would STRONGLY urge you against the advice of "just destroy[ing] them" yourself! No matter how you're feeling about the situation now, I'm confident that this action would only make matters WORSE.Plenty of people, myself included, hang on to keepsakes from significant relationships. I, too, have a cigar box of pictures from previous relationships. I'm sure there's probably even a picture of an ex kissing me somewhere in there. I haven't looked in the box in at least four years, but I'm not going to throw it out. I'm in a strong, commited relationship now, but I'm not going to pretend like the past DIDN'T happen.Unless your husband is looking through these pictures on a regular basis, I think you need to just forget about them. He had a life before he met you... there's no point trying to deny that. Those memories are his and they helped to shape the person that he is today. I wouldn't ask my girlfriend to throw out any of her keepsakes and I would be insulted if she made the request of me.
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male
reader, JohnK +, writes (8 November 2007):
Hi, This is completely unacceptable behavior on his part. When you commit (Marriage), you should lose all reminders that may hurt your new partner. Mind you, 'harmless' pictures of her or them together somewhere they went are a part of his past. I personnally wouldn't keep or allow my wife to keep any old pictures of boyfriends or girlfriends, but if they are harmless, I guess I would relent. Pictures of them kissing is NOT OK for him to keep. Tell him (or you just destroy them) to get rid of the ones that bother you the most, and let him keep a few 'harmless' ones. In a few years, they will be such old news, they can just disapear at that time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): do not demand that they are disposed of. but do demand that they are put somewhere else. either attic, grandma's house, etc. yea one day you will go back and look at pics with your grandchildren and granddaddy's 1st girlfriend. everyone has something like that. it doesnt mean he doesnt love you.
put them away
good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): Sorry but i have a totally different view of this from the previous aunts. I would hate that but i just HATE exs with a passion!!! They have been the bain of my life in the past. I dont see why he has to keep photos of them two together, sorry, but i wouldnt be too pleased about that. Have a word with him and let him know just how you feel about it, if he must keep them and you are ok with it in the end, then ask him to keep them in his box in the attic.
Out of the way entirely.
take care
xx
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male
reader, Asexy +, writes (8 November 2007):
 He chooses to be with you, that's the important thing. Let these pictures go.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Well be thankful those pictures aren't on his computer ready for viewing at the flip of a mouse. At least he took the time to move them to a box and put the box away somewhere. When I became involved with my b/f, I got so sick of seeing all the pictures of his ex, still on his computer so little by little I began deleting them. Ooops, how did that happen? Must've been a computer gliche. It just ate up that photo. Now I don't recommend this behavior, it's a bit malicious. But I did give him ample time to relicate them to CD Rom and file them away neatly in a box and he didn't. I have sense figured out that he never looked at them anyhow, otherwise he would've known by now that they've mysteriously disappeared....
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female
reader, XOXHoplessRomanticXOX  +, writes (8 November 2007):
ok so my sister went through something like that recently excep she wrote letters that she never sent to the guy and an occasionl picture of the two of them was attached well one dat her hubby was lookin for somethin and he bumped into them -- and he got angr and upset she compframised with him by explaining that those pictures and letters are a moment of the past and that those memmories mean alot to her and just because she loved him does not mean that se loves him anyore...so what i think you could think about is if yo were i his shoes would you want all of your happy past moments to dissapear - soe people like to colect those things and another thing you and him could do is start a box of you and him together and write down all your happy moments and put them in it ans on a day that you get upset at him or vis versa pull out the box and look at the happy stuff and remember your in it together he loves you and hes with you...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): It's natural to want to keep these sorts of happy memories. This woman will likely always have a special place in his heart just as all peoples exes do. If they were in love you can't really expect him to just pretend like it never happened. She is a part of him so you have to accept her presence in that little box... as long as he's not got them framed in his office or anything silly they are harmless. They do not interfere with his feelings for you. He loves you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): Hiya, I dont see the harm in your partner having pictures of previous girlfriends so long as they are not explicit.
Some people like to have items that remind them of past, happy times and there is no more to it than that. I myself only recently went through all of my old things throwing out old pictures and valentines cards. It was really nice to read through some of them and remember what fun I had but I have been in my relationship for 4 years now and I simply dont need junk like that taking up space in my new house.
My partner has a little box where he has a number of little trinkets including a picture of a particular ex girlfriend. Thats fine with me, I know that he doesnt look at it every day and long for her back so as long as the past stays in its box let it be. x
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female
reader, rockelle +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I do not think that you are being unreasonable, if I were in your situation I wouldn't be happy about the box either. But I guess if you expressed to him that you would like him to get rid of the box and he has not then what else can you say. It is up to him, you are newly married so maybe he needs a little time. I have learned to pick my battles wisely. A picture isn't worth upsetting an other wise happy home. Maybe you should ask him to put the box somewhere where you will not bump into it because it bothers you. That seems to be a reasonable compromise you do not have to see it, and he doesn't have to throw it away.
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Hmmmm i can see both sides on this one...we all come from somewhere and I dont see any harm in him keeping these things as a keepsake, from what you say these pictures are not exactly up on a bedroom wall, they are sealed away in a box away from general view as one's childhood toys or momentos might be.
I can see why they might not be acceptable to you but I think to be honest you are being a little harsh. This is a long-term relationship you have been in with this guy and there are no reasons from what you say here to doubt him or his commitment to you. I would tend to view him keeping them in a box as very indicative of how he views the memories; good times he had in the past which he just wants to keep; i guess if they really bother you that much he should get rid but it doesnt seem entirely reasonable to ask him to do so to be honest.
I know we all like to imagine that our partner has been ours always and only but that's not how things are, past partners will have shared happy times with our current other halves and there is nothing wrong with that or treasuring those moments of happiness as long as they dont act as a barrier to future and present happiness.
I think to be honest this is one of those times where you have to cut your husband some slack and not let it ruin what you have.
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