A
female
age
,
*omanticfool
writes:Although I continue telling my boyfriend he is being disrespectful inviting his ex-wife to family functions, he continues to do it anyway. His daughter is an adult and I do not feel the need to include his ex-wife if he know it makes me uncomfortable. I feel he is living in the past. How should I handle this situation?
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female
reader, Dreamer1988 +, writes (28 December 2010):
 In my opinion, that's just a bunch of crap- just because she is a *nice* person doesn't mean that she should infringe on your guy's relationship.
A
female
reader, Sahara z  +, writes (28 December 2010):
I see your point. It seems to me in that case that he views her more as a friend or purely as the mother of his daughter and maybe she really is a nice person and because of that he feels guilty in some way that things between them didn't work out. It is a difficult situation however, I can see that you would like him to put your feelings first, which is understandable but if you make your point and he agrees and he suddenly drops inviting her from family functions she will naturally wonder why and one way or another it will get back to her that it was something to do with you. Which is fine if you don't mind that being the case but bare in mind that it might also cause friction with his daughter and possibly other family members especially if she is viewed as this nice person. These are only suggestions but you could try to get him to see it from your angle by suggesting how he would feel if you invited a long term x of yours (who was a nice person who you have no hard feelings with) to your next (or every) family dinner? Or of course you could also make a stand and decide not to attend the next one if his xwife is going to be there and explain that this is how strongly you feel. This would at least make him face up to the situation and choose where his priorities lie. The other alternative is to just put up with it and hope as time passes it will get easier. I think he has moved on though, if he has been divorced for ten years and you are in a full relationship with him and its not like he drops you to attend functions with his x. I'm sure his xwife would not accept these invitations and would feel uncomfortable in your presence if that was not the case that she fully accepted the situation.
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A
female
reader, romanticfool +, writes (28 December 2010):
romanticfool is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. To elaborate a little, my boyfriend has been divorced about 10 years and I feel he should move on. He says the reason his ex wife continues to be invited is that she is a nice person and there are no hard feelings towards her. However, I feel that he is putting her needs before mine and not considering my feelings.
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A
female
reader, Sahara z +, writes (28 December 2010):
You say his xwife but are they actually divorced? He is only your boyfriend not yet your husband and it is not uncommon for a split couple to both attend family functions and that situation can continue for years. They will still have a bond and a loyalty to their daughter (no matter how old she is) along with other extended family members who they have both known for years despite their differences that lead to the split. If you are not happy about it then you need to tell him and explain why. Maybe you are feeling almost in competition with her when there is probably no need but if you feel unable to tolerate her presence in the long term then maybe it is time to question your relationship with this man and look elsewhere to one with no strings attached.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (28 December 2010):
 I agree with you. It's time to put your foot down, and let him knw how you feel. It's either you or the highway.Good Luck!Jeff
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A
female
reader, Dreamer1988 +, writes (28 December 2010):
This is wrong, at least considering it is his EX wife he should leave her in the past. Yes, it's the mother of his kid, but he is not in a relationship with her anymore, he is in a relationship with you. Ask him about it, see what his reason is, and then go from there.
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