A
female
age
41-50,
*ADBAKHT
writes:Hi, I am in a serious problem in my relationships. I am in love with two guys that both love me and want to marry me, I really did not want to go out with these 2 guys at the same time but I really dont know what happened and now i am in real deep problem. Both of these relationship is for few years and they both giving me ultimatum. The x guy is tired of keep telling me he wants to marry me , he wants to settle down and go on with his life and the y guy also compalaining that he wants to marry me. They both want to propose to me and I dont know what to do. I'll be very upset if i lose one of them, everytime i am with x i think about y and vice versa. Please help me Reply to this Question
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (28 December 2010):
This sounds like a hot mess. You're cheating on both of these guys, assuming they don't know about each other. The way I see it is you must choose one or you will eventually lose both... and you may end up losing both anyway if the truth ever comes out. That's life.
However, I suggest you do both guys a favor and tell them what you've been up to. Come clean and see if either of them still wants to marry you then.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Stop being greedy. You can't love two people at once. If you actually loved either one of them, you wouldn't be doing this to either of them because it can only end up hurting them. REALLY consider which one you want and dump the other. Yes, he may be hurt, but it won't be as bad as him finding out that you've been two- timing him for a few YEARS. If you don't, and they find out about each other, they will both be hurt, they will both hate you and they will both hate each other because of you. Do the decent thing. Or, leave them both. It's obvious that you don't really love either of them well enough to marry them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): You are not ready to settle down if you need two men at the same time... Otherwise, you'll find yourself becoming a serial cheater... and that isn't a good life to lead.I am bothered by the fact that you have not be honest with either one of these men which suggests/implies that you don't really see them as living, breathing, human beings with feelings. You are not concerned with whether you are being dishonest or hurting them... you are only concerned with yourself and whether you'll lose one of your two lovers.If you want the marriage proposals to end, may I suggest that you let them know what you have been up to? They would see your character for what it is and probably regret ever knowing you... I am saying this to you because I want you to open your eyes up to the bigger picture here. What you are doing is morally, ethically and spiritually wrong. If these men knew this about you they would probably have nothing to do with you. When we deceive others to get what we want... we are robbing them of their right to choose in the light of day. Would either one of these men have chosen you if they knew the truth? Probably not.Maybe you need to start thinking about why you would act so cruel and hopefully make the choice to come clean and change your ways...There is nothing wrong with dating more than one man at a time... however they should know about it... and not be led to believe something else that isn't true.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Yes, difficult situation. Id try your best to remove emotion and look at each man logically and how your relationship goals, ethics, morals, etc, add up. When you provide actual reasons to marriage and weigh them out, things could be clearer for you. Good luck.
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