A
female
age
36-40,
*eelinglost84
writes:I have been dating this guy for almost a year now. It is very clear that he and I have a lot of passion for one another. We have everything in common and spend a lot of time together. To make a long story short ... I started noticing signs here and there that he may be cheating or lying about stuff. I started going through his phone and computer history. I have found inappropriate texts from girls here and there plus he looks at porn alot and recently I discovered he has been trying to meet people online under a different name for sex with no strings attached. I am in utter shock. Everytime I try to talk to him he lies or turns it around on me. He gets so angry and I am starting to feel like he is close to hitting me. he has pushed me twice before when we were arguing. The most recent development to his "secret life" were some pictures I found in his email. He apparently brought a girl home (whom I have never seen before) and had sex with her in OUR BED ... then like an idiot took pictures. When I confronted him about it he said they were photo shopped pictures and it was all a setup to see if I was checking his email. He must really think I am stupid. I dont understand why he feels the need to constantly cheat on me when I am very attractive, he says that im a great lover, that i am a perfect girlfriend ... yet he feels the need to lie, manipulate and cheat on me constantly? Why am I even still with the guy? I am stuck in a lease with him. I truly do love him but I can't keep doing this. What is wrong with him?
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female
reader, feelinglost84 +, writes (28 June 2010):
feelinglost84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am working on saving up money so I can get out of the lease.
I guess the hardest part is not being able to understand why he is the way he is? He made me believe he was this charming, perfect guy who loved me more than anything. On the outside to all his friends and family he seems perfectly normal. The only person that would agree with me is his ex girlfriend. Is he a sex addict, a sociopath, or is he just using me? Who would do something like that to another person?
Still playing dectective. It looks like now he isn't just into girls .... thats all i have to say about that before I absolutely loose my mind. I didn't go to work today ... i just couldn't get out of bed.
A
female
reader, feelinglost84 +, writes (28 June 2010):
feelinglost84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all of your answers. These are all things that I needed to hear. It was hard reading it but at the same time its the first time I have been able to tell the whole truth about whats happened. I am ashamed to tell my friends and family. I am going to get out of this because if I dont he is going to be the end of me. Thanks for all of your help :)
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A
female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 He keeps doing it because you keep putting up with it. He's proven himself to be unfaithful and untrustworthy, and because you have stayed with him despite the cheating you have effectively told him his behaviour is something you will accept.
Caringguy is right, you need to distance yourself from him fast. It looks like physical abuse is going to develope on top of all the emotional abuse he is inflicting on you by cheating.
He will not stop cheating; he's already proven that much. You need to decide if you're willing to stay with a man who will not remain faithful to you; if you decide to stay, you can hardly blame him for his actions, as he's made his position clear enough. I hope you decide to leave and find a man who will fully appreciate and stay faithful to you. Find a way out of the lease, get checked for STDs, and start over.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 June 2010):
He's doing it because he can. You stay, he knows you'll stay, so he does it. What's wrong with him is that he's just a pretty cold, immature uncaring man. I would strongly suggest to you that you get away from him one way or another. You're wasting some of your best years with this man, and there is no way that he will change and settle. No way. He's even starting to physically abuse you as well. You're becoming the safe bet, the woman who is home and will clean and cook. He's using you through and through.You really need to get away from him somehow. And you might want to get checked for STD's as well. Just don't sit there and waste more time, or you'll suddenly realize you've wasted your life.
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