A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband (we got married last year)keeps everything he has ever touched: old typewriters, computers, manuals and boxes for things that he doesn't even own.He has 3 storage places that he has had for over 20 years. He is definitely a packrat. He moved into my home and we still have his boxes in the living room. He has more clothes than I've ever seen a clotheshorse have! He has had numerous relationships as well as a first marriage. He keeps old calendars and records in new ones what he does every day. We don't have a big home and I've been amused by all this, but I truly don't enjoy seeing old calendars with notes about taking other women out, how they were dressed, and notes about pretty waitresses who served him. I put up with it because I understand that this is how he operates. He also has old letters that he wrote to women, in which he says he was mad at them and is keeping them to remind him of how mad he was. He also has Christmas cards from his ex as well as pictures. I didn't tell him to get rid of those since he has an (adult)child with her. However, he had pictures of himself with other women, pictures of women his friends sent him to try to set him up, and pictures of his old girlfriend's kids. After much fighting, he moved the letters to his truck, and threw out the pictures of the girls he had never met. He kept pictures of himself with some girlfriends because he said it was his past and he wants to remember it although he cannot stand the people. He also won't get rid of the pictures of the ex girlfriend's kids. That I don't understand. He said it is part of his past, but where does this all end? I feel hurt that he isn't able to see my side of things. I don't like these boxes in the house. I feel insecure about all this and I don't know what else is in there, so I always want to look. I don't feel secure even though I know he loves me. Not breaking from the past is causing a lot of problems, because we are not talking about it. He shuts down and won't even discuss it. He feels I'm bullying him into making a decision. He can't relate to my hurt feelings. Am I wrong for wanting him to let go and move on in this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): The deeper issue here is that you don't feel secure enough in his love and you are making about some old pictures from the past? Is there something else that is bothering you about his commitment to you other than all this stuff he is hanging on to? Because I can't see getting offended by old pictures and calendars after all he is with you now and married to you!
The bigger problem here is that your husband obviously has OCD and people with this disorder get very stressed out and even angry when confronted with getting rid of their stuff! It is terrible that he can't get rid of old boxes and clothing etc that he no longer uses or needs, but his anger over this has nothing to do with his feelings for you, that is where you are making a disconnect.
He is simply stressed out over you making him get rid of it and he will fight to the death to hang onto it because that is part of his disorder!
You really need to get him to a doctor first off who can talk to him about taking medication to alleviate the OCD symptoms as they are causing you an undue amount of stress having to deal with all this junk and paying to store it on top of it. Obviously it does not interefere with other areas of his life like working so that is good, but his hoarding is making your life miserable, and he needs to own that and get some help for it.
Take care.
A
female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 It sounds to be like he has OCD. I'd advice him to get help with this, maybe a psychiatrist would help. Its not healthy to keep all that from the past hanging around, ask him to get help.
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