A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a guy I really like, but he keeps asking a question I don't know how to answer. More than once, he has asked me what I like in bed, or what turns me on, and I really don't know. I've only slept with one guy besides the one I'm currently seeing, so I guess I don't really know any crazy tricks or anything like that.He's explained to me that the motivation behind his question isn't to make me feel bad about being inexperienced and that he just wants to do what pleases me, but I just don't know what that is! How can I make him understand that while I really enjoy being with him, I don't know how to make our sex better? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (31 August 2009):
 He didn't ask you to make your sex life better... he asked what pleases you! You have to take his question exactly the way he said it.
He wants to please you and give you an exciting experience so that it can be mutually fulfilling and meaningful. He's asking for feedback on what YOU like...and only you can answer that. My guess is that you DO know at least some of what you like but you are self-concious about sharing.
His question doesn't necessarily require any deep knowledge about sex. Just tune in to your body and during sex let him know... "oh yeah, I love it when you..." or make pleasurable noises when he does something you like. When he does something that isn't pleasing use your hands to redirect him to the right spots or give verbal directions like "I want you to (touch/kiss/rub/??)here..." or "(softer/harder/faster/slower)".
The verbal is hardest when you are self-conscious so start with the non-verbal redirecting and just be more responsive when he does good things.
You want to make him understand that you enjoy being with him...(and you don't want any responsibility for making it enjoyable)is what I am really hearing. I'm being blunt because you sound just like me when I first got married.
The only way he is REALLY going to believe that you enjoy your sexual relationship with him is if you are an active participant. And the only way YOU are going to know what pleases you is if you let go of your inhibitions and get active.
The truth is its really more important for YOU to understand that for a man it is vitally important to him to know that he is pleasing you. When you stay in your comfort zone and fall back on your inexperience as an excuse for not taking responsibility for your own pleasure... you are hurting your relationship.
Now having said all that ... I am really a proponent of exclusive married sex... it is much easier to let go of your inhibitions within the safety of a caring,loving committed marriage. I think you should consider whether you really feel comfortable having sex with someone you are just "dating".
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Be honest with him and tell him you have not tried a lot of things, but you're willing to experiment if something comes to mind. Then, if you think of something you'd want to try, you know that he is open to trying it out with you. You can also ask him if he has any suggestions, perhaps he has some ideas that you will like as well.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Trans Am Man +, writes (30 August 2009):
 just tell him you don't know what you like and you want to try different things until you figure it out.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Ok, I completely disagree with the answer that said that he just wants to practice. It could mean that, but not necessarily. And even if does mean that, then use it as an opportunity to actually think and discover what you like in bed. It is a good thing to know that. It is something you should know about yourself even and especially with the one you choose to spend the rest of your life with. If you don't know what you like, buy a sex positions book and pick out some positions that you may want to try and ask him to try them with you. That way you get to learn what you like and don't like!
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Why don't you wait upon the Lord for a real man.. A man who will Love you and want to be with you and talk to you excessively .. Marry him - and the two of you will make mad Passionate love .. this man just wants to practice ..
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