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female
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anonymous
writes:I went out on one date with this guy, and then the next day we were talking through text messages and he asked me if I was a virgin or not. I told him I didnt feel comfortable answering that at this stage yet and he said thats ok I dont have to answer it. However, later that night, he asked again (but hechanged the words around, being more subtle) and I told him I still didnt want to answer, but he kept asking, but in a playful kind of way. But I still felt like he wasnt really respecting my boundaires. I asked him why he wanted to know and he said he was just curious and wanted to know if im as innocent as I say I am. I told him I still didnt feel comfortable answering it and that i had to go to bed, so I said goodnight. He replied with a one word answer 'night'- which is very weird for him, usualy his goodnight messages are alot more nicer. So I feel like he was angry at me for not telling him.Then, the following day he tried geting it out of me again. I still refused and asked him why it was so important. He could really give a reason for it, just that he was curious.So I didnt answer.Do you think this is a bad sign or not? Why does he keep asking? If not like hes Christian who is a virgin who is looking for a virgin or something. So I dont see why it matters to him. Should I tell him or now or wait till I have known him longer and feel more comfortable telling him? We are both 20 years old by the way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): First of all that's really none of his business. Now when you are a little more serious I can see telling him, but to ask something that personal and not listen when the person says they don't feel comfortable shows a lack of respect. I think he for sure is a NEXT!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): he may be a hypocrite though. he might not be against sex before marriage for HIMSELF, but he might still be wanting a chaste girl for a GF all the time just the same.
It's a very common way for men to feel, hypocritical or not.
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reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 Ordinarily he would be able to tell if you are a virgin or not. With how you react when he's near and tries to make out or go further... He will be able to tell if you are used to that kind of thing or not.
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reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (13 May 2009):
 I think it is normal for a man to ask this....if you are a virgin tell him...thats something to be proud of and im sure he will respect...men are just curious about women being virgins....even men ask how many men have you slept with....if you dont want to tell him then dont and just say please respect my wishes not to say! Then if he keeps on...MOVE ON!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice!!!
A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009):- thats true but, as i said in my post, this guy isnt a virgin himself...so its not that hes against sex before marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Not every guy who seeks a virgin is just out to pop a cherry. Some guys just don't go for premarital sex and want a girl the same way.
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reader, deejuliet  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 No, it is not normal and even if it were an acceptable question, once you have made it clear that you are unconfortable discussing it he should have dropped the issue. While I agree with the other Aunts here that he is hoping you will say you are a virgin and then lay on the pressure to be your first, I see this as a matter of respect. He has absolutely no respect for you. To ask a question out of genuine interest is one thing. But once that person has said this issue is not up for discussion he should lay off. He is rude and disrespectful and I feel he is only trying to get into your pants.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies. My gut told me that he shoudlnt be asking me that so early, but then he made out like it was normal and no big deal, so I doubted my gut instinct. The thing is tho, every guy I have ever dated has asked me that so early on, so I guess part of me feels that is is normal, even though it doesnt feel right to me.
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reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 As I see it, he is looking for a virgin.... and I guess that if you tell him you are one, he will put the pressure on you so that he can be your 'first'.
It is a very rude question to ask someone when you have only just met them.
Ignore him or cut off all contact if he persists in asking about your virginity.
Honeygirl
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reader, Harry Castle +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Don't tell him!
I suspect he has a thing for virgins and wants to pop your cherry! Maybe if he discovers that you aren't he would lose interest and pick on someone else?
Regardless of whether my feeling is correct or not, I think it's an impertinent question to ask on a first date, and having quite rightly refused to answer, was boorish of him to continue to pester you for an answer.
You would need to be further down the line with him and surer of his motives before you even considered answering him.
If you wanted to check how interested he is in your (he thinks) virgin status, tell him you lost it at 16 and have had lots of sex partners. If my assumption is correct, watch him disappear into the distance!
Seriously, best to tell him that your status is private and personal to you and you will not answer him, and if he persists, say goodbye.
Harry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): The way I see it, he could have two things on his mind.
1. If he discovers that you're a virgin he might be looking to see if he can cure the condition and add a virgin to his list of conquests.
2. If he thinks you're not, that might be the green light he needs to get all hot and heavy with you.
Either way, it's a very inappropriate thing to ask a lady and good for you for refusing to answer him. You keep this to yourself. It's totally your own business and absolutely no business of his whatsoever.
If he keeps going on about it you could tell him he's really pissing you off and if he doesn't shut up about it he's history.
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