A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts/Uncles,This is not a problem, I just please please need your views/advise on the matter because im not sure how to react to this myself.Im a Healthcare Student studying at Uni at the moment. I have a few years yet before i graduate, but been looking for a job for the summer time to fund myself. I phoned a guy up after seeing an advert advertised for a carer needed to aid a wheelchair bound man studying at the same university as im in, but different course. Whilst speaking to him about the job, he seemed very nice and wants me to have an interview in a few months time when he's ready for a carer.He asked if we could become friends first so he could get to know me, making it easier for me to become his carer apparently. We became friends on a social networking site, but since i seen photos of him on a im slightly worried by his appearance. It frightens me. Not the fact that he is in a wheelchair but he's a very large man. Im 22, and he is 25 i think. And since we originally spoke on the phone, he has been texting me several times a day, attempting to chat me up and flirt with me on a chat site, and know he wants to meet tomorow for a social drink?To me he seems to be coming on very strongly considering im jus applying for a job to care for him..All i want to know is: - To anyone else does this seem that he is coming on strong or suspicious?Should i take a friend with me while meeting him?How do i get over my prejudices of seeing him in a wheelchair?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Um it sounds like he's getting too friendly and using his disability to find some one to go out with, which is kind of upsetting to think. He doesn't have one at the moment and he's still studying at the same university
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Come to think of it, you could apply for a job with Active Assistance. You'll get 5 days of training and then they'll let you loose on the public. I don't know what the pay is like, but your board and lodgings won't cost you much, if anything at all, and you could get some valuable experience for your CV.
I have a very good friend who uses AA, and I know they're very good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): You don't say what his particular medical condition is, but if it's spinal cord injury you might like to suggest he get in touch with Active Assistance. They supply fully trained Personal Assistants who specialise in live-in support for people with SCI. www.activeassistance.com
The fact that he's asking about your partner and how faithful you are causes me to think he's got more on his mind than simply being pushed around in a wheelchair.
As for the chats and texts, all you have to do is simply let him know this is just a job to you and nothing else, you tell him you'd be acting in a professional capacity or not at all, and if he's thinking there's any more to it than that, he can get those thoughts right out of his head. You may have to let him down, gently if possible, but let him down you must. Better to be up front right at the start than to lead him to think this could be the start of some romance.
He may pull out the disability card and suggest you don't fancy him because he's in a chair, in which case you can only say that his chair has nothing to do with it, but the person it it does.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your help..
To Uncle Phil : As with your daughters case, while i was talking to this man whom i may care for..he's already asked me to live with him, as he said he can have his carers living with him if i so wish to..when i turned him down he then started talking to me about my partner and if im faithful or not..this has made me really uneasy..so my gut does tell me not to meet or work for/with him..
But if i ignore him on chat site and social networking sites and dont reply to his calls/texts he is going to know something is wrong..then if i see him in public im gonna feel awful..not sure how i will handle that situation then x x
But thanks all for your help, it really is much appreciated!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I can understand him wanting to get to know any future carer, but a lot depends on the level of care he needs. make sure you're up to the challenge. He might need help being lifted out of his chair once in a while so you'd need to be sure you're able to do that. You need to establish exactly what he expects of you.
I'd be concerned about the flirting, that takes it beyond him simply looking for a carer. It could be that he's lonely and looking for a bit of extra companionship and I think it would be a good idea to have someone with you when you meet him, if only to get a second opinion. If he seems to be disappointed that you've brought someone else along it would be my guess that he's looking for rather more than being cared for.
Some years ago my daughter applied for a job as a live-in home help. Something didn't seem right about him to me. After about a week of working for this man, who was much older than her, he started to make inappropriate suggestions towards her, things like it was about time she shared his bed. She immediately left his 'employment'.
I don't know what prejudices you have about seeing him in a wheelchair, but he's a human being just like the rest of us except that his legs don't work.
All I can say is take it one step at a time and trust your instincts - a woman is seldom wrong when it comes to this sort of thing.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Sweetie, turn down the job because it sounds like he is using the excuse of being disabled to make you feel sorry for him and perhaps in feeling sorry for him you will have sex with him.
Surely as a Healthcare giver you learn not to become emotionally involved with your patients?
Honeygirl
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