A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so the guy i was dating for 7 months just out of the blue stopped talking to me... it all started when one weekend he went to get his stuff from his ex that he was with for almost four years (they havent seen eachother in 9 months or have even spoken she was the one who left him so he was the one who was heartbroken .. even though i know for a fact that they did not get back together when he went because we talked after when he got back in town he seemed like he was really pissed off saying i got my shit back but i flew home early because i hated being there..even though he didnt say anything about being upset about the fact that he saw her and it brought back deep feelings i think that was the case because we were perfectly fine before he went.. we would talk every day and see eachother every weekend we had a really good relationship going on (so i thought) then about a week ago he just stopped calling me.. i called him one night and he answered.. we had a normal conversation and everything seemed fine then he said he would call back and he never did.. 4 days later i sent him a text saying if this is your way of telling me its over between us please have the respect to tell me rather then ignore me for days.. i got nothing back its been a week now and still nothing i am so heartbroken i dont know what went wrong i cant eat or sleep i feel sick to my stomich just not knowing where this came from.. i need advice on why you think he would do this just out of no where?? is it because hes hearbroken over his ex still and doesnt have the guts to tell me how he feels? please help me :(
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female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Hey, I'm so sorry he didn;t text you back. but at least you tried. Delete his number now. I have a feeling the minuite you start 'letting him go' he will try to come back. Weather or not you take him back is another thing xx Please try to look after yourself, and heal yourself. Take some time out of your job if needs be, and rest. You WILL heal from this - but it will take time, as he has disrespected you by not showing you any decency and ending it properly with you - ( that;s if he DOES want to end it. I'm not convinced .. it;s only been a week) The minute he stops hearing from you - he wil start thinkng about what he has done. I hope you have some lovely freinds that can support you through this. Please keep us all informed. Nat Marie.xx
A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (20 July 2010):
I think it is selfish and nasty for someone to just dissapear like that. Sorry.xx no excuses.xx
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (20 July 2010):
 I think you are on the right track. Loving yourself and doing good things for yourself are what you need right now. Utilize your network of friends. I like that you have move towards acceptance.
The first time the guy cut me off he did send me a text saying he had issues and not to be mad. He did contact me 6 months later and told me the reason he cut out was because he just didn't want to be with anyone and when he got too close to me the hurt from a past relationship got to him-he got scared that he would be hurt again. But then he did it again a few months after he came back. That time he was only silent for 3 months. Then he did it to me again about 8 months into the "relationship" and was silent 4 months. The last time after being closer than before for 6 months he went silent again. There wasn't a fight or reason either time. I truly think he just got scared about his feelings. It's been almost 5 weeks without a word and this time I wanted closure. The one woman who wrote that you should leave it alone because he might come back has a point. My letter wasn't mean spirited I simply wanted to tell him that he hurt me but I am sure he knows. I also wanted to tell him I didn't hate him. In my case, I work with him-same company different locations-and I might run into him again. I wanted to be sure he knew I would be "cool" at work. I was afraid that if I didn't write the letter that he would come back in a few months and begin another cycle and I just don't think I would have been strong enough for another round so writing the letter gives me peace of mind that he will not call again AND the ability to move on with the knowledge that he is not an option for a relationship. If you're not there yet and if you do not know what to say...leave it alone.
Anyway, my situation is very different than yours, I think. I honestly think your guy is scared and all the hurt the ex caused has resurfaced and he can't deal with it and with a relationship with you right now. Guys don't think about it but we do...why couldn't he just call and say "hey I'm going through something, give me some space."
I am very sorry you are going through this. The only thing that helps are treating yourself well, friends and time. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the advice guys it really helps a lot to know im not the only one who is going through this because it hurts like hell. i feel like its all i think about all day im trying so hard to move on and i know it will take time i just wish i had some kind of closure rather than him just completely cutting me off and never talking to me again. i guess he just doesn't have the balls to tell me its over and nat marie i did text him that about 3 days ago and i got nothing back so ill just let it be, his actions are obviously speaking louder than words. maybe one day he will realize how bad he messed up and will own up to what he's done but only time will tell.. im letting him go and loving myself thats all i can do is just continue to live life no matter how hard this is for me! and for dearkelja did that guy ever contact you again or have any kind of reason for doing that to you as well?
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female
reader, natmarie +, writes (19 July 2010):
I am so sorry you are going gthrough this. I really think you need to text him and say ' If this relationship is over, I at least thought you would have been polite enough and man to have let me know' .. then see what he says . You may have to shame him into it. let me know what happens. xx
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (19 July 2010):
 It could well be that getting his stuff back from his ex upset him to the extent that he now feels quite unsettled.
Admittedly he shouldn't have told you he would call you back after your phone conversation with him, but he may have still been "decompressing" after what sounded like a very distressing trip.
I'm not saying he was pining for her because if he hated being there so much, I doubt he wanted her back. Could have been that he got thrown for a loop with all those memories getting stirred up. He could well have been feeling really depressed and didn't want to contact you in that kind of mood. Not that that is any excuse; it would have been better, perhaps, if he had simply said he was upset and didn't want to burden you with it at the moment.
If this sounds like I'm making excuses for him, well, I'm not. I'm trying to give you some idea as to what MAY possibly have been going on in his mind.
I know you were upset yourself at not hearing from him. But it might have been just a little hasty to send the text asking if it was his way of telling you he was breaking it off with you.......it had only been four days since your phone conversation, after all.
I would give it another week or so, and send a message to ask if he's okay and let him know you're thinking about him.
However, that's ALL you should do. If you get no response then don't write or call him again. Just let it go. On the other hand, he may get in touch in a day or so....I hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (19 July 2010):
I am going through this right now and I know exactally how you are feeling. The guy who is doing this to me has done this to me before and the reason is still not clear to me but I am pretty sure I know what happened.
Sometimes people going in a relationship and seldom think about the future. Then when something happens, like a visit to an ex who he was heartbroken over, they start to think and wonder if the current relationship is going to end with heartbreak and hate and all the feelings they don't want to go through again. I suspect the reason he is not talking to you is because he simply doesn't have the answers. To how he feels, to what he wants and he certainly doesn't want to hurt you. So, he's avoiding telling you anything until he knows and then it gets to be a few days and now he's avoiding conflict with you.
What you have to remember is that it is NOT you, it is him. The relationship was good but he changed. Unfortunately the event with the ex gave him a bad taste for relationships.
Could he come back, don't know. Is it over, don't know. But for your sake I would move on. I think he knows he hurt you so there's not too much more you can say to him. The old write a letter and burn it sometimes works. Sometimes you just feel better if you write the letter. Me, I wrote the letter and sent it because for me I need closure and in my case, he wasn't going to give that to me so I gave it to myself. I wasn't angry in the letter but I did let him know I was hurt and disappointed.
Not knowing is the worst and I don't know how long it will take you to feel better. It's now 4 weeks for me and it still hurts, but today I sent my letter and I feel like I can move on.
Take care....
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