A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need some little help here. First of all, me and my boyfriend are together for about 2 years and we love each other very much. We haven't had sex yet, but we're about to (both virgins). One of my greatest fears is "what if the condom breaks?" and I told him that (yeah, I know I think too much). He said that if it happens, I'll get pregnant, BUT I can always get an abortion, so "there's nothing to worry about". I looked into his eyes and asked him if he was serious. He started to laugh and he said "of course I'm joking". And then he changed the subject. I know I should just enjoy the moment and not worry about details like this one, but I'd be really lost if I got pregnant. I know he loves me, but in such moments, that abortion "joke" was inappropriate and I feel like he was actually serious about it and he said he was kidding just because he saw me scared. This makes me have second thoughts about having sex with him. I find it stupid to refuse to have sex because of something that NEVER happened (and hopefully it never will) during our relationship (I don't want to get pregnant before we get married). Sometimes we talk about marriage and kids and it just seems so far away. It's not like I want to get married tomorrow, I just want to make sure he's the one.What do you think?
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female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Hey everyone, lighten up, she's over 18 therefore legally an adult so go for it. It's brilliant :-)Anyway, firstly, the chance of the condom splitting is pretty slim, so don't worry too much about that. Also there is only realistically about one week when your fertile enough to get pregnant. Anyway i'd reccomend you go on the pill, its easy enough to take (I keep mine next to my toothbrush and take it when I brush my teeth. It helps me to remember). And its very effective. If you use it with a condom the chances of you getting pregnant are really slim. Even if you just use the pill your protected (but not against STD/STI's, but as your both virgins you should be fine)As for the abortion comment, I think its just a guys first reaction. People joke about these things. I used too, when I was younger and didn't really understand it. I used to just think, if I get pregnant i'd always get an abortion. It wasn't untill I had a pregnancy scare that I really had to think about it and realised I could never go through with that. Clearly he's never been in the situation and it was just his gut reaction. I wouldn't worry about it unless you have too :-)Have fun and stay safe!
A
female
reader, lucy.whittaker +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Hey Honey,
Everyone here seems to be responding very negatively to your decision to have sex with your boyfriend. In my opinion this is a very unhealthy and unkind way to respond. It is a very beautiful and positive thing for a couple to feel ready to sleep together for the first time. As long as you are sure and don't feel pressured in any way then go for it.
It is very unlikely that the condom will break. It does sometimes happen, but 99.8% of the time it won't. If it is really playing on your mind start taking birth control pills as well.
So far as abortion goes, it sounds as though he responded in a very natural way - to make a joke of it. I know that sounds strange, but when people are scared about something they often make a joke out of it. If it's an issue that you are really very worried about then sit him down and talk about his views. However, if you are both being safe about sleeping together it shouldn't be something you'll need to think about until you are ready.
Hope it works out for you - don't listen to people saying it's wrong. It's a negative attitude, there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. If you are happy and ready then it's perfectly normal and healthy. Good Luck.
Lucy XxX
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A
female
reader, OliviaAna +, writes (19 December 2010):
 You say you're a virgin? Stay that way until you marry.
If this guy is really worth it, he'll oblige you with other pleasures that do not involve condoms and the worry of becoming pregnant. Just remember it's also YOUR responsibility to not become pregnant if not ready for chaos, so use something on your part too!! At all costs, avoid abortion being a part of your life because it's what will haunt you the rest of your days. People think it's no big deal to just scrape out a human life into a trash can?
I'd talk with him more about his comment. Set it straight now so you won't have to deal with heartache later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): I think you need to be very careful here. I believe he spoke his true feelings to you about the abortion before he was able to think it through. You now know what he would want you to do if you do become pregnant. If you don't do this, he would probably leave you to take care of yourself and your baby by yourself. I think you should accept his response as the red flag that it is and not have sex with him. If he really loves you, this won't matter. If he doesn't stay with you, then he wasn't worth it and as hard as it may seem to believe right now, you will find someone better.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (19 December 2010):
Well if you did get pregnant and did NOT have an abortion that would equal having a baby right ? And are you in fact ready willing and able for that ?
You could do with a plan B for if it does happen : he was just being practical and male in his logical thinking it thru.
Regard what he said as a useful pointer and see a doc about going on the Pill. Plus use condoms as well and it would be v unlikely to happen. But have a plan for if it should why not ?
And stop thinking bad of yr bf just because he's male with male characteristics....: that's what you like about him isn't it ?
Oh, and enjoy the sex ......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): I have had six abortions and three failed marriages. So here is my experience. The condom can and will break maybe not now, but someday, There are people out there who have multi layered there protection pills condoms, spermicides. So lets get that mythos out of the way. The virginity,At your age that is a beautiful thing and i waited to have sex with my first boyfriend who was also a virgin. I remember him always even ten years later as being the best man that i have ever been with for his kindness and consideration. My first marriage, i was pregnant and he accused me of cheating on him. I could attest to the fact that it was his because i would have succumbed to a dna tes if i needed to prove it. The abortion, Cost aside lets look at emotional health . It feels like you are killing a living being. I am not pro-choice nor pro-life. I am not religious but i am spiritual. But i can tell you from the tattoo i have on my back i regreted and felt guilt for a loss of something. I look at other families, and wonder why that can't be happily me. Getting an abortion should be your choice and not his suggestion. If it's your choice and he chooses to support you that's a loving man...because he wants what's best for you. A man who just up and suggests it so he doesn't have to take responsibility for it out of fear? A scumbag. Going through something of that magnitude is painful in every sense. I was 18-21 with my experiences. I am currently 28. Do not let him treat you like that.... If he can't cherish a child.... Why would he cherish or respect the gift of your virginity or sacredness of marriage?
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