A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After breaking up with my ex 2 years ago, we kept in touch because I wasn't ready to break from him completely. We talked online and by phone, supporting each other, whilst my hope increasing that we may reunite after I finish school( he even tried to move into my building)When I finished he seemed to have lost interest in me and was dating another girl who "had not given him sex yet"...we had a fight over it but soon started talking again. his mom came down with cancer, my feelings for him started to grow again and really wanted to be there for him. the more I let myself be open and vulnerable the more he kept pushing me away by reminding me that I am just a friend, forwarded me emails with a ton of other girls on there as well, he would talk to me when he wanted me and often when i contacted him he would not be available, and either not return the call at all or send me offline messages days later. one day i just snapped and said that if he felt nothing for me and didn't want to try again we should part because i was having a hard time having him in my life without having him IN my life and that the constant reminders of what my heart could not have was just getting too much for me. Now, 4 months later, I found myself thinking about him and feeling bad that I severed all contact with him so i sent him a lengthy online apology to which he replied that he is very hurt that I slammed him during such a bad time and I started to cry and said I'm sorry like 100 times and told him that I still want to be there for him and that he can call me when he needs/wants a friend. He did not seem to accept my apology and just gave me a few maybes. I honestly did not intend to abandon him especially during that time with his mom but he had tortured me and put me through so much while I was in school, I just lost it and couldn't take being called a "friend" one more time. What do I have to do to make him understand that I am not a bad person and had no intention to hurt and bail on him?Thanx so much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): You are not a bad person. And I think he knows this. You sound like a very caring and sensitive person, and he will be more than aware of that. You did the right thing by cutting contact. This guy was treating you terribly. You put up with it for a long time. It seems that he simply wanted to hurt you as much as possible by his actions, and it is understandable that you would snap and decide you had had enough.
I think he is trying to make you feel bad by saying he was upset by how you cut off contact, and that he was going through a difficult time. Even if he was, there is still no need to be so hurtful to you. This guy seems only interested in messing you around, and now he is using your sensitivity and humane personality to try and make you feel bad.
You do not need to prove anything to him. And I don't think you hurt him at all. I think this is all a game to him, but now he knows how to make you feel guilty, and so he will throw that at you as much as he can. This guy will be fine. Believe me. His whole hurt act is just that - an act.
My advice is to cut off contact once again, and believe that you are doing the right thing. I see no hope of a relationship being formed with him. I see only more pain for you if you allow him to treat you this way. You have put up with enough from him. Walk away.
The only person you need to convince that you are not a bad person is yourself. You feel like a bad person because you cut contact with him. But you are not a bad person. If anyone is in the wrong here, it is him. Not you. I can tell you this several times, but I know it won't make much difference. It has to come from within. You need to build up your self-esteem and realise that you deserve so much better than this. You need to believe that you are doing the right thing by walking away. Remind yourself constantly of why you walked away the first time. What did he do and say that hurt you? Keep it in mind, to strengthen your resolve that you did the right thing.
The guilt you feel is natural, even if you are justified in your actions. But it will pass. I honestly think you should walk away for good, because this guy is bad news. He is just trying to hurt you. It is up to you to not let him. Take care.
A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 The best thing you can do is to give him space. I guess he cant be angry forever, if he stil wants to be friends, hel come around.for now do yourself a favour by 'getting over him'...hope it helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): It is very evident that you still have feelings for him. And you probably cant and won't get your mind off him, unless you meet someone new or, engage yourself with something---keeping yourself busy.
Often in these times, one tends to be needy. I don't mean to sound rude, I'm sorry if you think so, but it has happened with me too. One finds ways/excuses of connecting back to the person.
Anyway, to answer your question, I think you should tell him the truth. You're NOT a bad person and you must justify with the truth.
If he understands then great, But if he still continues to be skeptical, then I suggest you let it go. A bit hard to do, but I think its the right thing to do.
Please don't take my suggestion in negative light. Its just what I feel. :)
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