| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm in a really tough situation right now and could use some fresh eyes. I know its really long but please be patient, I'm desperate.A little background: I dated my first love for two years and a year and a half ago he broke my heart. I still to this day don't know why. He didn't cheat and still has yet to date anyone else, in fact since the break up he has become extremely religious to the point where he will not even shake hands with a girl not blood related to him which is completely out of character for him. My ex and I are both Muslims from moderately religious families, and I I stress the moderate part. We were each other's first everything, kiss, love, and sex. Losing our virginity to each other is a huge deal in our religion and is the reason I spent the last year and half in the worst depression of my life. After he broke up with me out of the blue, I just fell to pieces. I almost dropped out of school, stopped eating, stopped speaking to my family and friends, lost so much weight and almost did the unthinkable. A big part of how devastated I felt was due to the fact that he promised me we would get married, and broke his promise. I would have never let things go so far sexually if I thought he would ever leave me. He at one point asked me to marry him and met my family. One day I got an "I love you and miss you" voicemail in the morning and four hours later an "I think we should be friends" phone call. No fight. No argument. Nothing. My ex is immature, and scared, and we were going through a lot of life changes and he didn't know how to deal with them. He is not a bad guy, but his immaturity in the way he handled our breakup has left me scarred for life. I was in therapy for a while to deal with it all. I think part of me will always love him but I think that Im finally allowing myself to move on. Now here is where it gets blurry. My current boyfriend is a childhood friend. We have known each other our whole lives, lost touch through the years, but would reconnect sporadically. Six months ago he confessed he has always had feelings for me and we started dating. He says he loves me, and I think I love him too, but Im still unsure. He lives 4000 miles away from me and so far our communication has been through skype. Im going to see him in ten days and we are going to decide if our feelings are real. He knows everything about my ex and he still loves me despite my past, a rare occurrence among Arab men. He is the sweetest guy I have ever known and I know that with him I can find stability and love, but Im worried that the intense love I had with my ex wont be present in my current relationship. On top of all this stress we had an upsetting incident two days ago and he hasn't spoken to me since. Im going out of my mind. We were talking, and the conversation got sexual and he wanted to talk dirty. At first I played along, but halfway through I don't know what happened to me. I just froze up and got really upset and asked him to stop. He assumed I was thinking of my ex and got upset. He didn't yell or argue, he just went quiet and told me it was okay and to go to sleep. But the way he said it, it was obvious he was really mad. He hasn't spoken to me in two days since it happened. Im really upset. Im already stressed out because Im trying to pack and get ready for my trip, Im worried about how things between us will be in person and how I will feel, Im mortified because both our families know we are together and Im dreading their reactions and all the jokes at my expense, and now he isn't speaking to me over something that is completely out of my control. Am I wrong? I just don't feel comfortable being sexual with him in any way when I have yet to kiss him or touch him face to face. And the fact that he knows about my past, and how much my ex's broken promise hurt me and how much guilt I feel for not waiting until marriage when that was what I wanted all along, shouldn't all of that make him more understanding? He said we should hold off on anything sexual from now on, but the way he said it sounded more upset than understanding. What should I do? Thank you to anyone who got through this post, I know it was really long.
View related questions:
broke up, immature, move on, muslim, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (12 June 2010):
 His feelings don't have anything to do with your ex. He is probably more embarrassed than anything. He put you on the spot and you balked. That being said - no more "dirty talk."
Leave your ex out of your life's equation. Agonizing over him like you are doing is counterproductive. And it's not going to change or reverse anything that has transpired so far. Keep moving forward.
|
