A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiya everyone me and my fiance have been together for 3 years.A few month ago he started to add women on facebook the women he added were the type of women he said he would like as a girlfriend.I asked him why he was adding them (he hardly uses facebook) and he said he hadn't done it and he doesn't know how they got on there, even though he looked on facebook and it said they had accepted his request.His FB hadnt been hacked either, he checked. The worst part of it is i had just found out a family member had cancer so i was visiting my relative when they were added.This also happened a few month before but i didnt say anything, so the problem is that now im finding it hard to trust him.I dont want us to split up, but i don't want to be with a cheater either. what do i do
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 Yeah so he is basically lying to your face. Not a good sign. Have you both a date set to get married? Could he be having doubts about this?
I understand that you don't wanna break up with him, but do you want to enter a marriage with someone who you cannot trust because he is lying to you about other women? You need to have a talk with him, ask him to stop lying and give him another chance to tell you the truth.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2016): I agree that if you plan to stay with a cheater don't try to find any information. However, in my case I needed it in my state in order to file for a divorce and come out of the relationship. You can't just say I think courts want proof or you end up spending a lot of time and money to fight it out! Finding out was hard, but I was relieved that I wasn't crazy and it's making my divorce go a lot smoother. He would never confess; therefore, I did the best thing for me...find out, no doubt, move on!!!contact [email address blocked]'s a professional and will surely help you out,tell him from Ninah
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 His facebook has not been hacked, he is lying to you and hoping you are dumb enough to believe his BS.
He knows very well how those women got onto his friends list. What are you going to do about this?
Your fiancé needs to 'fess up, and then indulge in some serious back pedalling or grovelling which will go some way towards allaying your fears about him cheating. If none of this happens you will know you cant trust him and can then make an intelligent decision about your future based on all the information at hand.
Don't let him try and dumb you down .... it seems he has almost succeeded with that.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 The notification that they accepted his request means that the original request came from HIS account, not theirs. I'm not a techie but it would likely take a fair amount of hacking by a talented third party for anything else to be the case here.
By far the simplest explanation is that your fiance added these women, didn't expect you to notice, and is trying to lie his way out of the situation now that he's been caught. It seems he thinks you are stupid enough to fall for it - so don't be. Trust your gut.
I agree with Honeypie - do NOT get married to this guy until the situation has been resolved to your satisfaction. An apology from him in which he owns his actions and a clear discussion about boundaries moving forward from this would be a very good place to start.
I hope this helps you. Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2016):
 You need to sit him down and talk boundaries and standards. WHAT is OK in your relationship later (if you still marry) in your marriage.
I'd tell him STRAIGHT up that people do NOT get "added" to people's FC account without an invitation and without the invitation being accepted. THAT is not how FB works.
I'd tell him you have lost some respect and trust in him over this. Because YOU have. Someone HAS to stand up and be honest here.
And I'd talk about lying. Now he may think this is some "white lie" to "protect" you from knowing he did a dumb thing, but again it's NOT helping the relationship. the timing? You were away and they got added. Isn't that just a LITTLE to coincidental? I'd be pissed off if my husband thought I was so stupid that I can't add 2+2. Which is what your BF is doing, he is playing dumb here, but he is also treating YOU like you are dumb too.
My guess is, he has done other "dumb" things and gotten away with it. THAT you didn't want to rock the boat because OVERALL the relationship has been good... and you got engaged.
So did he delete and block these women or are they still on his FB?
YOU NEED to have this conversation with him. BEFORE you do though YOU need to figure out what your limits are. Let's say he KEEPS doing this. What then? Do you think a marriage ceremony will stop that?
UNLESS you are willing to leave him over this (which I don't think you are - and that is OK) don't THREATHEND to leave. And unless the upcoming nuptials are soon, I wouldn't postpone the wedding either. BUT!!! I would NOT marry him till this is talked about, dealt with and SORTED OUT.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (30 December 2016):
 You need to make a decision.
You cant just go on in a relationship with no trust can you? Always having niggling doubts in the back of your mind wondering what he's up to.
You need to weigh up the pros and cons, only you can decide whether his behaviour is worth the relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2016): If he is saying they are the type he wants as a girlfriend it doesnt sound good. To me girlfriend unless im misunderstanding it is like a relationship unless its meant as a female friend. The fact he is denying adding them and going behind your back sparks trouble to me. I think he needs to be very open and honest with you so that you can make a decision on where to go with the relationship. What he is doing is likely going to affect trust and your confidence in him. I know i wouldnt be happy by it and would call time if i felt it was best to do so if i was in your shoes
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