A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what my question really is... but im with a guy who is sweet and caring and affectionate, but he can't say he loves me. And every month it gets harder for me to accept the indifference, i try to stay positive and just think 'be happy with what you have, dont live in the future, dont live in the past' but at the same time i dont want to get fucked over by living in lala land either. i feel that after 8 months he should know if he loves me or not. i talked to him about it here and there, and all i've been able to come up with it at the end is 'you dont have to say it if you dont mean it' followed by silence and then him saying okay. but i feel like he should fucking know it by know. i dont want to invest deep feelings in someone that wont know 2 years from now if he loves me. i dont understand how he doesnt know if he loves me. how the fuck am i to find a man good enough to live a decent life with and raise a family with. its impossible! this world is all messed up. i swear people just tear each other apart. it's getting harder and harder to keep a positive outlook on anything anymore, just cant trust the world i live in. i guess my love for him is getting suppressed when he is so indifferent. . . it's starting to turn me off. being so careful not to be pushy god forbid or express love with the person you share everything including your heart and mind with, what the fuck has this world come to when being in love is such a dirty fault that has to be hidden. i dont live in a world that my heart is in. will always be envious of a simple idea of two people loving each other. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (19 November 2010):
 If you come across here as angry and agressive, I wonder how your attitude strikes HIM? Because, believe me, even if you try not to be so pushy, he can sense it. Our attitudes show whether we want them to or not.......
Not only that, you've been dating eight months. Not long at all. You're still getting to know one another and discovering if you really are compatible. Wait and see how things stand when you've been together at least a year.
One more thing: talk is cheap. Anyone can say "I love you" but what's REALLY important is their (and your) ACTIONS. If he is kind, considerate, affectionate and respectful of you; if he listens to you when you express an opinion or difficulty, and does not verbally put you down, THAT is more indicative of real love and a possible future together than mere words.
You say he's sweet, caring and affectionate. Therefore, I add my recommendation to quiet-echo's, to not mention it again and let him breathe easy........
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Whats best a guy thats there and isnt good with words? Or a guy who tells you he loves you and cheats,lies,looks for someone else a day after an argument etc? I myself have learned just how meaningless those 3 words can be.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Who says he is hiding it? He may be genuinely unsure about whether or not he loves you and that is not so odd. He wants to be sure about what he is feeling and in this day and age when everyone keeps expressing how fundamentally confusing the actual emotion is to them, it is understandable that he would feel so strangely towards this relationship. How can he know for sure? Why does he even have to know at all? Can you two not just act on whatever it is you feel now? He expresses love in what he does and what he says and how he makes you feel.
I usually heartily support the use of just words to express things but at times, words can be as hollow and cold as the air that carries it. He is not sure of how he feels and the fact of the matter is, at this rate, he may not be confident enough to say it for a very long time. Is it not better that way? When someone says "I love you" it is supposed to have meaning. When someone tells the love of their life "I love you" it cannot express the thrill of the moment but the thrill that rushes through them when they are with their loved one so you have to give it a little more time, then, when he says it, you will know in your heart, mind and soul that he means it and he will not take it for granted.
Take for example, many married couples who had only known each other for a couple of months before saying "I love you" and that may very well have been what they felt at the time but it was still too soon. That marriage is bound and tied to an inevitable termination due to the carelessness of a spouse or the heartlessness of the other.
As long as you are with him, I think there is love. As long as he is affectionate, his very soul is trying to tell you that he loves you, you have to feel it before hearing it.
I hope that helps.
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