A
male
age
30-35,
*ensativeguy010
writes:well here goes...i have a huge problem. Whenever me and a girl start talking for a bit and we get rly into each other or after a couple months of dating they lose their feelings for me and distance themselves because i try too hard, and i dont mean too i just dont wanna be an asshole. I just want to be Mr Perfect. but apparently thats just too much. ive been told that i need to be more of an asshole in a sense, otherwise girls will lose their interest if im nice and sweet to them 24/7.i rly need some help on this subject, i feel soooo shitty and miserable whenever a girl i like loses interest. i end up losing sleep and stuff :/ Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Honestly I see and txt my bf everyday and its gets boring and cases tension sometimes. Its true u have seperate urself for the person to miss u. Maybe lay back on the I miss you you make me happy stuff. Slow it done. Dnt make her think u dont like her or that it doesnt matter, but let make her think that u like her as much as u do yet. u guys arent bf/gf yet so that needs to be kept out of it. Also random mood changes like u being irrated will throuw a girl off hence the i just want to make u happy comment. She may be distancing herself bcuz that day nothing was wrong and you got upset. She doesnt understand why so shes trying to keep from upsetting you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): As a girl who REALLY needs her space, i advise just be you. Im sure you are not a clingy person. So dont worry about being a sweetheart, im sure you are. By being yourself you'll show her that you have your own individuality.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (20 November 2010):
 It's bad to be in contact every day until you've been dating for a while. Don't take that as a bad thing, though - take it as a chance to savor the relationship as it grows. There's no rush.
As for all the sweet things, remember, compliments are currency. The more you give them, the less they are each worth. Give too few, and she begins to wonder if you even care about her. Now, the latter can sometimes work in your favor, playing on her insecurities, but I'm guessing that, like me, you want to avoid that.
So give compliments, but only when they're earned. Mak each one special and memorable. Focus on compliments she hasn't heard before. "I miss you," or "You make me happy" are both things she has heard from every nice guy she's ever known - not just the ones she's dated. Instead, when she texts to see if you're happy, tell her how thoughtful or considerate it was of her to check. When she gets all dressed up for a date, tell her she looks stunning. Invest in a thesaurus.
As for the end of that last date, you did everything right. You were honest about how you felt, yet still acted like a gentleman. You let her make the first move to make contact again. Now you're going to see her for lunch - I'd say you hit the right balance of nice and assertive, intentionally or not.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): It seems like you have it right. Maybe it was just normally the girls wanted something else...
Don't take it personally that she lay there. Like she said she was tired, but she still came out to see you!
Good luck xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): Ya kinda have to calibrate depending on how she acts as everybody's different. Some people contact 30+ times a day and that is normal to them, whilst others would find that clingy and smothering. If she's distancing herself then try initiating contact less... say every 2nd day, (still reply to contact she initiates though).
...............................
A
male
reader, Sensativeguy010 +, writes (20 November 2010):
Sensativeguy010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of these answers are just wonderful thank you soo much guys, but what are some things i can do to not smother girls so much? i usualy txt them everyday, but if they dont reply i wont txt back until THEY do, or hours later. This girl im interested in now just started acting wierd last tuesday when we usually hang out we will get a little physical like kissing and cuddling, but on tuesday we went to the mall then back to my place for half of a movie and the entire time she just layed on the end of my bed and seemed like she didnt rly wanna be touched or nothin, NOW she did tell me she was extremely tired from lack of sleep from the previous night and she did fall asleep on the car ride back to my place. and when it was time to take her home it was a quiet ride bcuz i was irritated that there was something wrong, and she ended up asking me if i was ok and i told her no. after about a couple hours she txtd me saying that she loved seeing me today, and that she was about to go to sleep but wanted to txt me bfor hand. now that was sweet of her but now since then she has txtd me less and just seemed different, so i gave her a day and a half of space, no txting or anything and so finaly today i asked her if she wanted to go to lunch on sunday and she said yes with a smiley face. and that was all that was said today.
so is it bad to be in contact like everyday? like txting alot and stuff? i am super sweet to her all the time too in txts. this past week ive told her that i miss her, and that she makes me soo happy when we hang out. and she has told me she just wants me too be happy and tries her hardest to do so...yet it seems like shes distancing herself. We had a thing a few months ago but that never went anywhere bcuz of another girl but now that that's over i wanna give it another whirl, so i thought maybe shes acting like this just to test my dedication or something cuz i kinda fell out on her the first time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Simply Jane2011  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 just to let you know,its nice to have a sweet,caring guy,somone who is honest and as you say mr perfect, me personally i hate guys that have an asshole side to them, they just need to know how to say no, there is nothing worng with being sweet, and what ever you do dont be treated like a doormat, some girls would take your personality and use it to their benefits and others will just walk over you, There are girls out there who love a Mr Perfect, and love a guy that is sweet, kind caring etc. Just be positive and be happy that you have all those good points,and there is somone out there who will love you for you, and your personality,
hope this helps :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): You've gotten some really good advice here bro, it took me years of trying to be Mr Perfect to figure this stuff out for myself.
Chalk it up to having close female friends who would cry on my shoulder about their boy troubles and how they were bastards. I'd be like, "Those bastards, I'm gonna never do that, I'm gonna make my future girlfriend feel like a princess". But that just put all girls on a pedestal for me when in reality it should be an even playing field.
A quote from the movie "the 40 year old virgin" says it all...
"I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!"
Yeah, women want a guy who's polite, respectful, listens, cares and what-not... BUT!! they don't want a spineless, unquestioning worshiper. There's gotta be a balance.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): maybe you need to make sure all your gestures of friendly niceness are more romantic and caring in a manly assertive way. i'm not sure if that will make sense, i'm basically saying try not to fall into the friend category or get walked all over.
...............................
A
female
reader, rose101  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 I have a boyfriend who almost like you. He is always sweet, caring, and he wants everything to be perfect for me. One time, I get bored not because I don't love him anymore but because he always wanted everything to be perfect in a sense that I feel I'm the one who is always wrong and always commit a mistake. And the other thing is that, he knows that he is perfect and he even told that me that I can never find another man like him. But I did not dump him, instead I told him that there's something wrong with him. And until now, we still together and his now trying change and add new things for me. Hope this would last.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lukey09  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 I have a friend who had the exact same problem, he didnt like the idea of treat em mean keep em keen, but decided to have a break from her and see what happend, well as soon as he went out another girl showed interest, the ex went crazy with jealousy and they are now happly married.
Hope this kinda helps
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): girls like a chase sometimes!
...............................
A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (19 November 2010):
Aw!! That really sucks :( Honestly what others have said is true. With my bf, its nice that he wants to do everything I want, do whatever I want etc, but at times I want him to take charge, make a decision. I dont always want him giving me what i wamt. Most girls dont want everything to always go their way. and if they do...then they arent contributing very much to the relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): I posted earlier....
I agree with Pink Topaz on that, as I am very sweet...to the point where I can suffocate a person...SO what I've found in the past three months that I can remain me and not suffocate anyone simply by sprinling my sweet
BUT I WILL WARN YOU
It can backfire when it simultaneously results in several individuals to get puppy eyes and ears for you when that honestly wasn't your intent.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (19 November 2010):
Wanting to be Mr. Perfect is fine, but you have to ask, who is Mr. Perfect, really?
You don't have to be an asshole, you just need to identify the positive traits they possess and take them on yourself. Chicks dig confidence, assertiveness, and risk-taking behavior (not risk-taking like sky-diving, risk-taking like being honest even when it might make someone mad). They dig guys who can say "No" when they're being unreasonable; in fact, a lot of girls seem to deliberately ask for things just because they want you to say "No." They may ask more than once, too, just to test your resolve.
Respect yourself and your boundaries, and demand that girls respect them too. If they do something out of line, don't be afraid to get mad and tell them so. If that happens, take some time to forgive them, rather than just accepting their first apology. Don't be afraid to express interest in sex, to get physical and touch their arms, to go for the kiss when you see a chance. They're chicks, not delicate flowers, they know the score.
At the same time, don't lose your good qualities - honesty and integrity are too things the assholes lack. Keep your word with girls, just don't give it lightly. Show them affection, and show them you care about them as people, but require the same of them. You both have needs, and everyone is happier when they're being met, rather than just meeting hers.
You've already got the hang of meeting girls and getting dates, which is the hardest part for most guys. Be proud of that.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 November 2010):
There's a difference between being sweet and being a doormat. No, girls don't want to date an asshole...we of course want to be respected and have someone that does thoughtful gestures. Think of it this way: if you take your gf to a nice dinner every night eventually she's going to get tired of it and want a hamburger from McDonald's.
So what you need to do is find the right balance. Of course be sweet and a nice guy but don't bend over backwards to do stuff for them, don't smother them too much. Give them and yourself some space, do some sweet/thoughtful gestures occasionally to keep her excited but otherwise, keep it simple and be yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): ~You have to kiss a lot of Frogettes, before you meet your Princess~
Babe, those are your frogettes.
Be patient, Your Princess will eventually show her face and you'll be so happy the frogettes left along with their warts...
Babe, Sweet ROCKS!
...............................
|
