A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last winter, I hooked with one of my friends. We went to high school together, he is 2 years older though. So we werent great friends, we just ran into each other occasionally. I ended up leaving for school again right after this, but we kept in contact. He flirted a lot in the beginning but Im terrified of people getting close so I never did the same. I loved talking to him though, I've honestly never met anyone more compatible (I always thought this/I've always had a tiny crush on him). We started talking less and less only because its difficult talking online and I kept doubting that he actually liked me.Finally, I came home for spring break and he couldnt have made it more obvious when he asked me to hang out. But my insecurity blinded me and I was nervous and awkward and distant. I left and knew right then I had missed my chance. I tried to remedy it but it was never quite the same. I came home for good for summer and I've seen him a few times and we talked a few times and I made my best effort to right what was wrong. The problem is that nothing really went wrong.. nothing just really went right. It just sort of fizzled out and neither of us did anything to stop it. I think I may have crushed him, I didnt see the signs that he liked me until after the fact. We're on a pretty good note now after I acknowledged we hadnt talked in a while and he apologized as did I. I finally started to get over him but then he dropped this bombshell on me. Okay so I had told him I was driving back to school (cross country) with my friend, something he has always wanted to do. A few days ago, my friend told me it was off because things were too hectic, which was fine. But the day after this, he boldly asked if he could come along. He even apologized saying he knew it was intrusive but he'd been telling me all winter how much he needed to get out of this town. He doesnt have a job now, he only makes a few bucks playing shows. He sounds like a deadbeat but money just doesnt really interest him. I cant imagine what was going through his head. It would mean he would have to live on my couch for a while. He doesnt know anyone out there.. I wanted to talk to him about it and I thought maybe I could drive my car or if he really wanted, to find a cheap one-way flight. I texted him that we couldnt use my sisters car (another option) and he just said "nooo, that sucks." Nothing more. Im doubting if he was even serious. And if so, is he just using me to get out of here? I dont know how to bring this up or what should I say or if I should just let it be or what? Im so utterly confused and I dont want to be clingy or annoying. The problem is that he is one of the best people I've ever met and I dont want him to not be a part of my life, even if its just friends.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): Hi, its the OP. He never actually said he wanted to sleep on my couch, he actually felt terrible even asking to bum off me in the first place. We'd talked about road trips and hitch-hiking before. He also was proactive in pursuing me, I just pushed him away one too many times.
But I get where you are coming from, he probably just is using me. Oh well.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 July 2011):
 He is not interested in money. Right. Who needs money when you can bum a free ride on someone else's car and camp on her couch for the duration ? You don't need to worry about being jobless and pennyless, because the girl has a soft spot for you even if you have not been very proactive in pursuing her, and she'll let you sponge off her for a while just to keep your "friendship" .
Sister, wake up and smell the coffe. It smells burnt.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (24 July 2011):
 To be honest I'm not sure what it is you see in this guy. He sounds like a bit of a deadbeat to me. And given all the opportunities the two of you have had to hook up and it hasn't happened suggests to me that it's not mean't to be. I wouldn't allow him to come with you if I was you he will sponge off you by the sounds of him and you will end up hating him.
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