A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half but the past few months we have been long distance because I have been away at school. I came home about a week and a half ago after not seeing him for weeks and we had sex the first three nights I was back (which i thought was pretty good) and then not once again after that. We had plenty of opportunities and when I finally worked up the courage to ask him what was going on he replied that he just hasn't been in the mood lately. That was just last night and then today while I was at his house his internet history showed that he had been looking at local female escorts online just a few hours before. I asked him about it and he got all defensive, saying that "it was his brother" and "how could I possibly think he would do that?". I called bullshit on that and then he finally fessed up that it had actually been him but he was just curious as to what was on there. he says he was to embarassed to admit it at first but this really makes me worry because he has a lot of money and a lot of time that goes unchecked by me sense we are long distance. so basically, i dumped him and i need to know if this is rational of me or not.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): As a guy who was younger, dumber, and much HORNIER, I would say you did the right thing. I did some pretty terrible things behind womens back, which is nothing I am proud of. Just know, we men do not simply "look" at these things out of curiosity. He has been with escorts no doubt and it is actually quite troublesome to know he was looking at this while you were visiting. I know it is probably hard to accept at first, but over time you will be fine. All of the girls I hurt turned out ok. :O)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I trust your logic in this case. I vote for this being rational behaviour. He was crossing the line and breaking the trust as well as lying straight to your face about it. If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't have lied.
Why this would make him uninterested in sex with you I don't know, but looking at escort pages online only to blame it on the brother afterwards smells suspicious to me.
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A
female
reader, BlueBag  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I think looking at escort websites definitely crosses the line and you acted very rationally for breaking up with him.
Usually I say to trust your gut feeling because its normally correct no matter how much you don't want to believe it. His excuse was pitiful and even if he was telling the truth, he was in a long term relationship and shouldn't even be considering looking at a website of that description. That is way beyond simply looking at porn.
You did the right thing, well done for having the courage to do it :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Hi there, Well it seems that you have trusted your instincts so far on this one. Firstly saying you had sex the first three nights and you thought it was good and then even though you both had other opportunities you never had sex again. Yes he could well have been just not in the mood but it doesnt seem to add up to the first three nights does it. Then of course he has admitted, eventually to the female escorts and you are feeling again that this didnt add up after he denied it was him and was his brother. You are in a long distance relationship which of course makes it harder to maintain a close relationship but it is possible.
I think that you need to trust how you feel on this one, i think you are being rational and maybe if you want to see one final time whether your instincts are right or not you could arrange to meet up with him and see how you feel by speaking to him again. But if you are feeling that he is pulling the wool over your eyes (a possible english saying) then chances are he is. Good luck!!
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