A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I had been dating this girl for a year and a half and she started acting more distant. I pressed her on it and she said she no longer has romantic feelings for me. She said she has never felt so comfortable with a boyfriend before and she automatically puts me in the "friend" category because of this. She split up with me over 10 days ago and has not contacted me at all. I'm still spinning from this heartbreak and I want more than anything for her to come back. I really thought I was going to marry this girl! She is not very good with talking about her feelings and I feel like she just may be scared and stressed because she is graduating from college. That said, I have been getting a lot of interest from other women now that they found out I'm single. I want my gf back but it's been over a week and it doesn't seem like she cares for me. So my question is: am i horrible if I "hang out" with some of these other women? They are very beautiful and starting to get pretty persistent. Should I just go for these other women? Thanks for the feedback.
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 Hey mate yep, go for the other women. if all of a sudden you get her attention because of that? Well, if it was me I would'nt go back - no way. Because that means she didnt give you the time of day and did'nt really "think" about what she had with you at all or "your feelings". Its likley 1) Another guy was hitting her up; or 2) maybe she felt you comming across to strong and felt like you were going to marry her tomorrow. I'm not saying you were going too but that's possibly how she felt (a bit enclosed).
If she does come crawling back id say: too bad! You had your chance and totally blew it! she'll never do that ever again. Believe me. ive seen devil girls morph into angels.
Otherwise go for her, but if she does it again. she'll think she can do it anytime she likes and your just gonna be her punching bag while she can break up when ever she wants for whatever stupid reason.
Good luck mate, but I hope she is the one and dosent stuff you around for your case.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): If she finds out about the interest from other girls, then that might get her attention.
And yeah, I would talk to these other girls to avoid negative feelings from your breakup, because when you talk to your ex you don't want to come off as all desperate depressed.
I suppose she doesn't know why she feels the way she feels. So finding out your problem areas (in her opinion) could be difficult. But ask her anyway for the reasons she doesn't want to be with you (without trying to convince her to take you back). Then go away and start developing the qualities she is now attracted to.
When you've done that, contact her in a happy mood (like you've moved on with your life), and say that you suddenly realised the reasons she didn't want to be with you, and that you decided to change. Then say THANK YOU to her.
You have to really understand the reasons why she doesn't want to be with you right now.
Basically, the intent is to get her to see how she helped you identify your problem and now you've become a better boyfriend for some OTHER girl (you have moved on from her). And you must not give off that you are doing this to get her back.
All this creates the feeling that you are a catch now and there is a small window of opportunity for her to snatch you back up before some other girl grabs you.
Then you wait for her to get back to you and let it be her all her idea to get back together. You also need to keep developing yourself so that she observes the changes in you. Keep improving according to what she told you were the problems.
If she suggests getting back together, don't automatically say, 'Yes yes YES!'. Just keep calm and say you'll think about it and get back to her in a few days. However if it is a certainty that she WANTS you back, then calmly accept!
Good luck!
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