A
female
age
36-40,
*confused2cope!
writes:i met the perfect man while working as a barlady about 4 years ago. i already had a son and he accepted him as his own even before meeting him! after a few month i fell pregnant with his daughter and then everything started going wrong... not with him but with me. long story short i had almost 2 years of the worst depression and he only met his daughter on her first birthday because he works out of the country. circumstances braught me and our kids back 2 live with him ad his family wich i do not regret! he has been on leave for a few months and we have so much respect and love for eachother and our kids and have even been thru alot of hard times (not money wise)he gives me whatever i want but i am just not sexualy attracted to him i have even tried things to up my libido but it just isnt there i hate pushing him away and hurting him it breaks me because i love him so much! my qeustion is why do i feel everything for him exept for the sexual attaction?? i want to feel that so badly because i believe he is my future husband but i just cant marry him if we dont have the whole package!! i could never hurt him like that but i also cant leave or live without him.... please i realy need advise despratley???
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Well you obviously desired him sexually at some point - you had his child. I think in focusing on the sex, trying to improve your libido, etc your missing the point, the point is the water under the bridge, the issues that arose during your period of depression and this is a trust and intimacy issue. The other possibility is that he is just two perfect for you and that is the problem. Maybe you like a bit of excitement and danger in your sex and stability and safety in your relationship. Maybe it would help if he didnt give you everything you wanted but was prepared to be a bit more assertive, indeed this could be what has changed in this relationship and why the sexual spark is gone. I think the best advice i can give is that you need to look in different places to your own libido for the root cause, you need to assess what has changed here, how you went from the place where you bore a child to him, so obviously had sexual interest to this place where that seems to have vanished.
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