A
female
age
41-50,
*uggylover
writes:I started dating a guy at the beginning of November 2012. We hit it off right off the bat, and we both agreed that it felt like we have known each other forever. Holidays were coming up and so was his mothers lung cancer progression. He started to become a little distant saying he wasnt ready to commit to me emotionally, to not take it to heart, that he was dealing with his mothers illness the best way he could. She was hospitalized right before Christmas and then came home. Last night He got the call that she had 1 to 2 weeks to live. i like this man alot. I am 38, he is 36. Having known him for such a short time, should i go to his mother's wake? I haven't seen him in 3 weeks because of everything he is going through. Nor am i for certain that there isn't anyone else in his life. He said there isn't, but he would take off on the weekends a few times. We agreed to be friends...and he said he isn't dating anyone else. I think it may all because of his mom's soon to be passing. What is the right thing to do?
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Hi
No don't go to the wake, you barely know this man and he will not only be distraught but will have his family and close friends of his mothers there for suppport.
Sending the card was good. Just send a small bunch of flowers to the funeral with a sympathy message-if you feel you need to do something.
You really do have to sit this out until he contacts you,thats the way to help him by giving him space.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): I have been in this man's situation when my father passed away. I can tell you from experience that although you want to help him, there is nothing you can do to help him unfortunately. Under the circumstances I would say that it's probably best if you don't attend the wake, considering you haven't met his family before and your not in a relationship with him at all. When the time comes that he loses his mum, a nice bouquet of flowers with a lovely card will be appreciated and let him know that you care. Some people turned up at my Dad's wake and I can honestly say I don't remember them even being there, but I do remember all the flowers and cards that were sent to me. It will mean more to him and his family, and shows respect and compassion for him and his family. Good Luck sweetie.
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A
female
reader, puggylover +, writes (2 January 2013):
puggylover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSageoldguy1465 - i have been letting him call the shots, do you think it is appropriate for me to attend the wake even if i have not met any of his family?
Oldbag - i have sent him a card, even knitted him a hat that he asked me to make him. I just wish i could help him.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 January 2013):
Hi
I would simply send him a small 'Thinking of You' card to show you care.Its not as intrusive as calling him yet conveys a simple message.
Then leave him be.
Losing his mum,watching her die from cancer is so awful for him he just needs space, his family and time.
He knows where you are if he should need you
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 The "right" thing to do is to let HIM have total control of what is going on between the two of you...
HE has the ultimate stress on his plate.... so you can be his best friend simply by letting him know. TELL HIM, in a brief phone call, that you're concerned about him, his Mother and the turmoil that accompanies such circumstances... Then wait....
If she dies, be prepared to attend his Mother's wake.... but realize that this has NOTHING to do with YOU...
Good luck....
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