| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I feel a bit stupid writing in here, but I don't know what else to do. Basically I have been getting quite friendly with a married man at work (different dept. to me), very similar age and work background. I am also married. He has 2 kids, I have none. I have been flirting with him and he has flirted back. At Xmas we had a kiss (on the lips, but not French!) and hug but then he said he had better stop. Last week he stopped me from giving him a peck (it was my birthday), but he held my hands for quite a long time and we just locked eyes. He has said that he is scared, but I'm not sure if it is of me or of his feelings for me. He sometimes wants to talk to me for ages, so I think he likes my personality. He has also complimented me on the way I look recently. He asked me last week how I felt about children, and he has been telling me lots about his kids and his past. I have also divulged stuff from my past too.I sent him an anonymous Valentine's card today, very light hearted, but he hasn't contacted me about it.So, am I wasting my time with him? How can I tell if he is interested in me? I don't want to throw myself at him and scare him away, but I will also kick myself if he wants to take our relationship further and I miss out. What should I do next? Please help.
View related questions:
at work, flirt, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): Hey what one does not know wont hurt them. Life is to short
to deny one some fun by flirting. I say though if both are interested in each other fine but why stay in a marriage if one wants some one other than who they are married to. I am married and flirt all the time but as soon as I have an erge to cheat I am getting a divorce:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Run. He's not scared of you, he's not scared of his feelings. He's scared of the consequenses of what you two are getting into. You've already started an emotional affair, he knows he's wired for more. He's probably bored in a long-term marriage, saddled with kids he loves and adores, but longing for the thrill of the chase, the heart-skip of a new love, and the fun of the getting to know each other stage. But when that's over...You've got two marriages gone, and two children who didn't ask for their world to be turned upside down, just because this wonderful friendship, turned into a fun relationship. Being married has highs and lows. Being a parent has lots of both.You're playing a game of temptation. Let's just flirt. Ok, maybe one kiss. Ok, maybe just one great kiss. Ok, I just want a closer relationship with him. The thrill of the new and the fun of the relationship can be found elsewhere. You're both married. You've obviously decided that you can't find that thrill in your own marriage, and who knows, maybe there's a good reason for it. But his obvious hesitation, dodging a kiss, stating he's scared, show that he's playing with higher stakes than you. Be truly kind. Let him off the hook before he gets too deep, and ruins the lives of a couple of kids. You're best hope is that you have a great thrill, he breaks up a home, you become a "step-mom" to a few kids who didn't ask for this in the first place, his ex-wife sees you as the "other woman", and wonders why you couldn't just have found that wonderful relationship with someone - ANYone - else...and you have to convince yourself that your "special relationship" which makes the two of you happy is more important than the misery it creates around you.One last thought (in a long email!!), he may just be miserable in his marriage and looking for a way out. Once you've given him the courage to move out and move on...he may do just that...move on from both of you. Then you can add yourself to the list of those hurt. Speaking from experience... it's not generally worth it, and it rarely turns out to be the simple, happy relationship you're hoping for. It quickly becomes drama filled.My two cents...be kind, be smart, be compassionate....find the thrill of a new love elsewhere.
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (15 February 2006):
 Hear hear Eddie.
This guy is exerting some self-control over this situation, unlike you. He is not responding to your advances and he does not want to hurt his wife and family.
Leave this guy alone and find someone who is free.
...............................
A
female
reader, missmeliss0627 +, writes (15 February 2006):
Shame on you! If you dont value your marriage, fine, but dont try to intrude on someonelses. how would you feel if some woman was flirting shamelessly with your husband. if you started a relationship with this man you would be breaking the hearts of two children. I feel so sorry for your husband. People like you are the reason divorce is so high in this country and there are broken families everywhere you look. Try to find someone that doesnt have to destroy his family by being with you. Oh and do your husband a favor and leave him so he can find someone who will care for him the way he should be cared for!!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2006): There is no such thing as an affair where no one gets hurt. I know because I am that married man with children who was first attracted then slept with a work colleague (who is engaged to be married). Sure my marriage was rocky, but the affair brief as it was, made myself and my colleague feel awful - and certainly affected our respective relationships with our partners. Stay just friends and if you can't do that go your separate ways. I was lucky, my wife didn't find out, and best friends with my colleague - but are you going to be lucky?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2006): Oh my dear, affairs can and do hurt like hell. Regardless of how 'attracted and drawn' to this man you are, make the right decision that requires something more special and human about you than just simple emotional reactions. End this charade. So many people stand to get hurt. Quit thinking of just your feelings here and please rethink what you are doing. Will your husband's heart survive your cheating? Will this other man's wife and kids go unscathed? You are going to be drawn into an illicit affair with this guy if you don't act fast and try hard to back up and kick it into reverse. You need to think long and hard about valuing the intimacy and meaning of your own marriage.
Tough times and temptations will test a person’s character. I'm hoping you'll pass the grade because cheating while in a marriage is probably the most hurtful thing you can do to anyone. It ends up not only hurting their hearts but it causes them to feel very insecure and self-doubts about themselves. Marriage requires respect for your beloved and for yourself. If you respect yourself, then you will have the ability to respect your husband. If you lack self-respect, you likely lack self-esteem. Low self esteem is one of the primary causes of selfishness. Quit think about just 'you'-in a marriage you need to start thinking about 'we' because respect and consideration for your husband should be a priority. Give this all some thought, before you act. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 February 2006):
 The first thing you should do is look in the mirror and meet the new cheater. Then look at a picture of your husband, one from a happy time, and imagine him with a broken heart. If none of that bothers you, leave your husband because you don't love him. That doesn't even begin to touch on the harm you're going to do to the other cheaters kids and wife. As usual, people in these situations only think about themselves. Do your husband a favour. Leave him for the other guy. Then when the other guy decides he can't leave his wife and kids you'll be the one out in the cold.
...............................
|
