A
female
age
41-50,
*unzy
writes:help! i have been with my husband for 5yrs and married for 2an a half, but things have been gettin a bit wierd! i knew about him watchin porn its happened bout 6times and everytime he swore it'd b the last, but its still happenin a yr on, but now he's sneakin around when im workin til 2am watching gay porn! this explains the lack of interest when i wanna get intimate, when found out he lied and lied about it and i told him he'd lose me if he lied and he still did it!! feel like i wanna jump off a bridge! :-( i want to leave coz i know things r already done but we have 3young girls! i am stuck heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): Kunzy, I am so sorry to hear this, especially close to the holidays. I am gay and have known this for all of my life. However, I tried to live a lie by dating women and became involved in relationships. Difference being, I didn't get caught looking at porn or ever considered cheating. That being said, these women could tell I wasn't interested in doing "guy things" (I am really fem). The give away was the fact I couldn't perform oral sex at all on any woman. According to some ex-wives and gf's of gays, that is one of the big signs. If this is true, he may not be bi at all. Confront him as quickly as you can. The kids are most important so seek counselling if you are feeling like harming yourself.
A
male
reader, johnnyjohn  +, writes (24 December 2007):
Kunzy, I am so sorry to hear this, especially close to the holidays. I am gay and have known this for all of my life. However, I tried to live a lie by dating women and became involved in relationships. Difference being, I didn't get caught looking at porn or ever considered cheating. That being said, these women could tell I wasn't interested in doing "guy things" (I am really fem). The give away was the fact I couldn't perform oral sex at all on any woman. According to some ex-wives and gf's of gays, that is one of the big signs. If this is true, he may not be bi at all. Confront him as quickly as you can. The kids are most important so seek counseling if you are feeling like harming yourself.
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A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (20 December 2007):
Before I comment on this I would like to know what is going on within your bedroom,your sexual relationship to be quite blunt. Also you may have married a Bisexual who is just beginning to discover his dual sexual Preferences for both gender, It happens to both males/females in or out of marriage. So if that is the case with him,then you can get out of the the relationship or stay, but thatis something that is up to you.
Have a wonderful Christmas.
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A
female
reader, kunzy +, writes (20 December 2007):
kunzy is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank u so much for your replies, its so hard to know what to do! we're in crisis talks now (with no mention of the porno jus generally to try an sdave the marriage so we'll see down the track what happens!! at least thebridge doesnt look so appealing now!! i realize i hav all the time in the world to see how things pan out and make a decision, but thank u again you've helped keep me grounded an not flyin off!! :-) xx kunzy xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): my opinion is that you dont pressure him. because he will just angry and than he will lie and you will fight. you need to somehow get comfortable with him again naturally. than bring up the problem casually and discuss it. if you both really want each other than you will find a solution
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (18 December 2007):
 If this is making you feel like you want to jump off a bridge then its time to get serious. Follow through. Become much firmer, more severe, cold and assertive about this. Become a very strong woman who has had enough. Calmly and coldly talk about getting solicitors in the New Year. He will either stop dabbling in gay porn or reveal what his real sexuality is. You need to know. He needs to know. Better this way, than you end up a nervous wreck or jump off a bridge.
Divorce is not the end of the world. It's just the end of one chapter and the start of another. It's the uncertainty that is the worry for you.
Good luck
Richard
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): No, you're not stuck.
Any man who watches lots of homosexual porn must have homosexual tendencies. Why else would he watch it? If it was just curiosity he would't be hooked on it.
You need to have a frank talk with him about this and find out which way he leans. If it's the other way, and my guess is that it is, it would be best for you and even better for the kids to get him out and let him look for a boyfriend instead of leaving you frustrated.
Phil
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