A
female
age
51-59,
*tillgivinthanks
writes:My bf and I have issues going on. we are together for 3 yrs now. the problem i have with him is he cannot sleep by me at all. He owns a Vehicle so his excuse is he has to take his brother (age 17) to school. but when school give holidays he don't sleep by me, which inturn makes me think that is not the real reason. i ask him what is the real reason, he told me because of his mom, he doesn't want to leave them alone at nights. that doesn't make any sense to me. so we really had it out, then he tells me even if he sleeps over he cannot bring his vehicle. his mother excuse is suppose something happen in the night. i know he cannot sleep by me evernight, all iask is just one night out of the week. he can't spend weekend either, its very frustrating.in the past before august 2008 he spend 1 weekend by and used to spend 1 night a week. his mother make noise with him, said she don't like him to sleep out. so he makes up all sort of excuses. so the sleeping by me cut out completely.its gets more stresses bcause i figure if he cannot sleep by me i will sleep by him. i dares not! his mother won;t allow him to have me over. lots of times i want to spend out the weekend somewhere without being at home boring all the time every weekend. i can't sleep by him because of his mother. his mother is a christain that is why i can't sleep by him. my mother is a christain to, but she allows him to spend as much time as he wishes and pleases. no holds bar! when it comes to me being over by him i9ts a different sotry. Sometimes i will be by him until like after 7 at night. his mother will be telling him its getting late or asking him if he drop sleep which means its time to go.my bf cannot help me do things. simply put his mother do everthing for his brother and him. she wash for him ( even down to his underwear). she do all the cooking, wash the waste, make tea, cleans up after them, even iron for them. i mean what the HELL is going on. thats how she brought up her two sons. so now when he comes over by me and eat something he just leves the plate the sink or wherever he eats. i feel sorry for my bf even so me because i have no helping hand. his mother was sick a while ago and my bf and his brother were like fish out of water. they cannot cook, so i had to go cook and give him food for them. he was very frustrated at that time because he didn't know what to do. if she works at nights, my bf have to go home to stay with his small (big in a sense of age) brother. and she will call to make sure he is there or she will argue with him. its getting to me seriously, because is letting his mother control his life for him.i want to know what readers think of this situation please. i need different views. i am confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): You are fighting a losing battle. It is clear from his words and actions that he let's his mom call the shots in his life.Who needs the aggravation? You can certainly do better, but that is totally up to you to decide.
A
female
reader, stillgivinthanks +, writes (13 March 2010):
stillgivinthanks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your advice.
That's my feelings all along, everytime i talk with him about it, he always gets defensive about his mother.
my bf always pick me up from work and carry me home everyday. his mother knows that. you kow what his mother told him he must check up how much money he pays for gas every month and said to him he is making too much run.
my bf have the heart to tell me stay out of his mother and his business. What do that mean? but it do affect me. he has come to the conclusion that i have it in my head to say his mother wants to break us up and that i have something against his mother.
i am fighting, but will it be worth it?
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A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 his mum sounds abit controlling maybe overprotective.she probably know that if he is sleeping out or you are staying round yourl get up to sexual stuff and she doesnt like that as she probably feels like your too young to be doing that i mean he is her little boy at the end of the day and she obviously doesnt want to loose that connection with him needing her in a way.yourve been together for a long time but if your boyfriend is still obeying his mum rather than sticking up for you then maybe he isnt as strong willed that youd like him to be and that will probably not change for a very long time there is nothing you can really do to change this as he obviously doesnt want to hurt your feelings or his mums but you should tell him to sit down and ask him why he doesnt stand up to his mum about this or is she just the excuse he is using because he doesnt feel comfortable doing it you need to know the facts before you can review your relationship and decide whether or not you can learn to live with this situation
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 "Three years of relationship ???" Then love is certainly born and must have its voice. No...I cannot advise you to leave him, but encourage you to fight for cause.
It is not orthodoxy of his mother, but bad psychology, ...of ruler's psychology. She has deliberately brought up her son, because she her self has no satisfactory sex life with her husband, so she is unable to see her son's sex life at all. Your mother is also christian, but she has balanced personality, and cause no problem for you.
By fight, I do not mean to quarrel with his mother, which will cause you to loss this lovable relationship, but by fight I mean work for cause, started to talk with his mother, in the capacity of daughter who put her demand forcefully on her mother. But, first accept her as your own mother, your man should also see, that you have accept his mother, as your own, first respect her and then put demand. Say her without shame, that " I cannot live without my man, which is your son...but I want him."
Sure, you will win...and such creative fight will make your life like interesting NOVEL.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 He is like a child and you can only succeed with this type of man if you can mother him ,pamper him and put up with his unreasonable demands until he grows up.
You would also have to deal with his possessive mother. His mother will come first and you second.
Marrying such a man who is still a child to his mother is a tragedy. I hope you will think carefully whether you want to travel down this dark road that is full of potholes and great obstacles.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Sounds like a strict Christian mama, she's trying to get rid of you. She wants to keep her sons at home, she don't want no "dirty woman" doing him in. She'll kick and fight to her grave to stop you from having him. She needs her boys and other women are just competition. Even if you marry him, she'll sleep in your bed to keep you apart if she can. She's a woman who is trying to keep her sons at home, there is no space in their life for any other woman. I suggest you move on, this guy is ruined, it's just not worth the fight to try and rescue him and help him to grow up.
Sorry, but he's definitely a "mama's boy" as rhythmandblues has explained.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): It sounds to me like you are in a relationship with a mama's boy. He won't cut the apron strings and she doesn't want him to either....
I think the sleeping with you problem is the problem his mother has with it. I don't know about your culture in your country, but my guess is that she thinks it is a sin and immoral for unmarried people to be sleeping together and blatantly advertising they are engaging in premarital sex.
It seems that Mom is in charge of your boyfriend in many ways....he isn't going to change more than likely. If you were to marry, expect more of the same controlling behavior from the Mom and more of him putting her first.
Is that what you want in a man? For your life? For a partner in life?
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