A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've recently stared a relationship with a guy who i feel very strongly about. He's the first one in a long while that i've thought i could really stick with.The problem is a few weeks ago we shared a bed and to which i thought we would of had sex. It was going well but just before we actually could begin i felt he wasn't enjoying it, i said that if he wasn't we should stop.He told me he had major in securities about sex; how he'd never been of sober state to remember, he felt too self-concious to participate.I understand that he has issues, he says he'll work on them the best way he knows how.i just don't understand how i can help him, infact i see no light at the end of the tunnel..i want to stick by him and show that i can wait.But what if it never happens?What if it builds up so high, he'll be disopointed when we finally do?How can i help him and solve our problem??
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female
reader, littlesuziepie  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 This may sound very shallow but I have to say it. And don't take my advise you will get much better advice on this site but I must add my 2 cents since I had this same issue. I waited on an inexpiresnced man to get over it and give me what I wanted and I waited 3 years and it never happened. How sad it was. I was emotionally hurt. Thought it was me after a while and had ended up cheating. So in the end waiting around wasn't right for me. But were 2 different women and the men are 2 different men. Plus I'm in my early 30's and my man was 25. Your both much younger. I shouldn't have even said this. Good luck in your decision and yes someone will give you a much better answer.
A
male
reader, Everoth +, writes (17 September 2008):
 Well you said you've recently begun this relationship with him, maybe he just isn't at that stage yet where he is comfortable enough to have sex with you yet. Also, if the insecurity is about not being good enough/his body, you just have to talk to him and give him time and not force him into sex and i'm sure he'll come around soon enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): You don't have to have penetrative sex straight away. Build up his trust and delight in your loving of him with a blow job. Funnily enough, I was in this same situation with my fella and now, 2 years later, he is definitely the best lover I've ever had, on a physical level. Take away the pressure to have sex and just enjoy being with him. Blokes don't resond well to pressure especially if they're shy or inexperienced. Alcohol doesn't help the brewer's droop either though a little can relax you both. Perhaps he's been treated badly. I'd definitely try giving him a blow job though, it's many men's favourite thing
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Ask him if the the size of his penis, unsightly body hair, body type, etc. makes it so he can't have sober sex. Be very direct, don't beat around the bush asking about his feelings (in my experience I have found that guys don't really enjoy that).Explain to him that you would very much like to have sex with him in the future and how you would like him to enjoy himself.Good luck :-)
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