A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, hey everyone. I just want to say that I've never asked something like this, and this is gonna be a pretty long question, but here goes... Before we start, I'm fifteen and the guy is eighteen.So I was seeing this guy for about two months a little while ago. I didn't want it to be serious because I told him at the start I was doubting my sexuality. He kept trying to pressure me into things and I ended up snapping and telling him the truth - that I was gay and I liked someone else. He was a bit upset about it, but he stayed over for the night (We did NOT do anything - I just wanted to comfort him as a friend - so we just had a takeaway and talked for a while. We also slept in different rooms) and when he asked if I planned to ask the person I liked out soon, I told him no, because I wasn't planning to, but I couldn't promise anything.However, about a week later, which was the first time I saw him after the break up, the girl I liked was talking to me and said that she didn't know what to do because she liked someone. I just told her to tell that person, and she said it was me. We ended up kissing and we've been going out ever since - about two months now. During this time, I understood that he was upset because he rang me up and yelled at me for a while - which kinda made me cry on the phone; something I never do. After that, I understood he was mad and didn't mention my gf, and he was pretty okay with it for a while, but then out of the blue (when we'd been going out for a month or so) he said to her on FB that within another month I'd be saying I was straight and go off with a guy. I got really pissed off with him but acted normally when we were texting - and then he sent me a message asking why I hadn't asked him about it. I just said I didn't want to snap at him because I was trying to be his friend.Anyway, after that I was still texting and I'd get the odd five minute call off him every now and then, but I've been very busy over this past month, and as a result I haven't seen him. He's been sending me all these messages saying I should feel guilty and things and I do - I just wish he could understand that.Anyway, that's not really the problem. The thing is, we have a lot of the same friends - we hang out in a big group of about thirty people, but a while back there was an argument between him and this other guy and a lot of people stopped talking to him after this. There were accusations of him being a pedophile and feeling a girl up who was underage, and then recently - about a couple of weeks ago - he and a few of them were away at an anime convention and apparently it happened again. This has happened a couple of other times too and to be honest, he can scare me a little. He's being insulting and more then a little rude to me as of late, but I still feel so guilty about what happened because it's understandable.Anyway, I haven't been able to talk to him much lately because I want him to move on and find someone else, so he can be happy. I told him this and he sent me a text this morning saying I was full of bullshit and I was lying about wanting him to be happy. He also said it was obvious he disgusted me and I didn't want anything to do with him, which isn't true at all. But he said I have one last chance to talk to him - tonight, at nine o clock GMT, and if I don't I know I will never hear from him again, and that makes me a little upset. More than a little. What the hell do I say to him? How can I get him to stop being an asshole to me and my girlfriend? Is there anything I can do to be friends with him again? Hell, is it even worth it?Sorry for the long question - I just need an answer fast. Please help!
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Before I give you advice, I need to compliment you on your writing. You write and express yourself in writing better than many 15 year olds I have seen! That's great!
Okay, to your question. This one is a very simple one. This guy is motivated by jealousy, plain and simple. There might be a small possibility that he's fascinated by the relationship between you and your girlfriend. He's hoping that by you being 15, you in fact WILL change your mind and decide that you're straight or bi, which will give him a chance.
He might be a nice guy, and you might feel guilty for dumping him, but he is TOXIC right now. You should not have him take any place in your life. If you were to break up with him for another guy, that wouldn't even be in question. An ex is an ex is an ex, and you should cut off all contact with this ex as much as you can.
A current relationship in its beginning stages is handicapped and damaged if one of the people has the baggage of an ex. Tell the guy to quit being an asshole. End of story. Then stop being friends with him. Stop feeling guilty for breaking up with him.
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Hey honey, this is a situation i have been in myself, when i was about your age too, so i really hope i can help you. What I learnt is that you cant spend your whole life feeling guilty for your sexuality meaning you do not want to be with someone in the way they want you to be.
You didnt do anything wrong by not wanting to be with him and although he has the right to be upset he is taking it to far! Also he is 18? doesnt he think your abit young for him?
If you really want to be friends with him, although if i was you this is a guy im not sure i would want in my life untill he sorted out his behaviour, you need to stop letting him be incharge of everything. Dont let him tell you what you should do if you want his friendship, you need to tell him that he needs to change the way HE is acting or you wont talk to him. he will do one of three things:
1. Sort out his behaviour and be ok
2. Be childish and ignore you
3. Ignore you to start with then realise he is wrong and be ok
No matter what he decides to do you should stick to he can only be your friend if he acts in an appropriate way. i really hope this helps you some and just so you know when i was your age the boy i had this situation with picked 3 and things now (5 years later) are still friendly. please tell me how this goes and if you want anymore help please just send me a msg or something as this is a situation that i really understand the stresses of. =] Alexxmo
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A
male
reader, ghunt +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Sounds to me like he's jealous that he lost someone who he liked. But, that's how it is sometimes right?? You we're being nice to him still EVEN after he was nasty to you! All you can do is try, which you have been doing. I think you should try not to feel any pressure to have to call him at X o'clock that's just ridiculous. He's trying to dictate the terms of a friendship. He wants you to want him (probably because he still likes you) and in throwing in a form of blackmail like that, it seems he wants to wear the trousers here too, which isn't going to happen as you've already told him you're not interested anymore. He's the one that's throwing away the friendship not you. All you can do is tell him again that you just want to be friends. Tell him to his face (in a nice way, of course) and really try to show him that a relationship just isn't going to happen. Most of the time, but not always, it's best to put distance between each other to help the other person get over this. It can be hard but sometimes you have to be cruel to be nice. He'll get over you for sure. Him being an arsehole is probably just his jealousy manifesting it'self in a bad way. Which, of course, can happen to us all. I'm sure he doesn't mean for it to come across this way but maybe tell him that his behaviour because of (what looks like) his jealousy is not going to help you maintain a sound friendship with him. Difficult things to talk about I know, but I find it's all about how you approach the conversation. If his problems go deeper than this (in reference to him loosing other friends/ possible sexual problems) then I'm not sure what to suggest! Maybe he has other things on his mind?!?! ie, family problems?!? Maybe ask him about it? All you can do is try to continue to be nice to him. If he messes it up then it's his fault.
Hope it works out.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): (Not part of my answer but just some general information: An 18/19 year old guy that goes for a 14/15 year old girl is a complete dick but not a paedophile... paedophiles get off by praying on prepubescent children!!)
This guy sounds like an arse basically, and you just need to completely remove him from your life. He clearly just wants to make you and your girlfriend miserable and that's not fair.
He'll grow up eventually and realise how much of a prat he's been but for now you really just have to ignore him, and if that means losing him as a friend then unfortunately that has to be. 'Cause what kind of a friend doesn't want you to be happy?
I hope you and your girlfriend continue to be happy and that this guy buggers off eventually :)
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A
female
reader, supersteph +, writes (13 June 2010):
Hey there.
Well, it sounds like this guy got severely rejected and.. it hurt his ego. Rejection is hard and people can go to extremes with it. I applaud you for coming clean about your sexuality for someone you care for. It sounds like you really want to be his friend. If you do, be honest with him. Tell him that you DO want his friendship, however you aren't interested in him in any other way. And that you can't handle being insulted. It's unfair for him to ask so much of you when he's hurting you. And as far as scaring you, if he is.. end the friendship now! Think about it like this, would you want your mom treated like this?
If he wants to REALLY be friends, he will step up to the plate of what he can and can't do. What he is doing is NOT. And lastly, if you feel it is not worth it and you really don't care, don't call him. He will get over it with time.
I hope it goes ok for you.
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