A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, there's something which keeps bugging my mind and I'm not sure what I should do. I have a male friend, who is really just friend, but I admit that there is a special feeling between us. When we talk it was almost like flirting all the time, like when I asked him if I can take a sip of his beer, he'd said "yeah, then it would be kissing, you and me". And we kissed once (he started it) last Friday when we went out for a drink together. Yet we remain friends, nothing more.Normally he'll text me everyday, but after that Friday my phone has been quiet. To be honest, I'm kinda worried. Firstly because I didn't know if I did something that made him feel uncomfortable. And secondly because I have bad experience about a friend suddenly disappeared. I was in college and meant to be picked up by a friend, who never showed up and didn't contact me ever since. I found out a few days later that he was involved in a car accident and forever gone.I know it's only two days, but I feel really worried. Do you think he feels uncomfortable with what's going on between us and so disappeared? but I never tell him that I want to be in a relationship with him and neither does he. I just said I like being with him because he's cool and funny, and before going home he still asked me to kiss him goodbye. It makes no sense if he suddenly feels uncomfortable about it in just one day after going out and flirting for quite a while. And should I call him to see if he's doing fine? I don't want him to think I'm trying to stalk or be possessive or whatever, I'm just worried and wanna make sure he's alright. Would he think I'm trying to put myself into his life or something like that?Thank you!
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 There's a good chance he's thinking the exact same thing...
I don't see what there is to worry about, I'm sure he's fine. Just msg him telling him something funny that happened to you today or something to that effect. Don't say anything along the lines of; "hey... are you ok? did i do something wrong? why haven't you contacted me? etc. etc. Big no-no.
One of my best friends is a girl and we both know that we aren't into each other in that way, but it doesn't stop us occasionally slipping up. It's never awkward because we don't let it change how we act in the friendship. We know where we stand and by the sounds of it so do you two.
So I would just stop over-thinking, not bring it up in conversation and just be who you normally are around him. Just look at it as a bit of harmless fun, cos if you both act like deer in headlights and leave it too long to contact each other, that's when it could get weird...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): I'd wait one more day at least, until tomorrow. If you're in touch everyday normally, then I think it's okay to text or call him tomorrow. He may have had second thoughts about what happened, or worried about what you're thinking, or there may be another simple explanation. Contact him tomorrow. I hope it works out for you :)
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A
female
reader, Rachael2310 +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Hello!
I think many people have been in you situation. Please don't worry and work yourself up about it. Take time to stop thinking and over analyzing it, that way, when you do talk to him you will come accross as calm and in control.
To put to bed any fears, send him a joke in a text message or start some friendly banter about something completely irrelevant. This way, you are starting to talk again. Don't bring up the kiss yet unless he does but do not fall into the trap of kissing each other when drunk and then ignoring the situation.
If this thing happens again then address it, as it stands to try and be normal unless he brings up that he wants a relationship.
Lastly, STOP worrying :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): It's great being friends with the opposite IF you truly ONLY want them as a friend, as their qualities are such, that it's irrelevant that they're male, then this can work - But once both parties have a chemistry, flirt like dating then that somehow moves the connection away from platonic as you're bordering, hovering on the virtual fence of dating.
Not sure why you guys can't be straight with each other - you either like, and fancy each other and want to try dating, or you have no physical desire for each other, but LIKE one another and want to do things together once in while, whilst you both get on and date others.
You can't sit in the middle though - well you can, but if you do, you will continue with this confusion that you're so obviously feeling right now. Why not try discussing it with him. As for him not being in touch for the last couple of days, don't worry too much, he's likely to be busy, and because of what's happened between you, you are looking at the worse case scenario, quite normal. Just be honest about what you want and how you feel, that is all any of us can do, you may be pleasantly surprised, but if not, then you know where you stand.
With regards to your other friend, how tragic and sad, so sorry! Good luck..
Jilly x
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