A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few times when we have been out I have turned to talk to my boyfriend and caught him staring intently at an attractive woman. I find this really irritating and its now causing rows. He gets this hypnotic look on his face and then snaps out of it when I ask him what he's looking at. He completely denies it and then says I'm paranoid and crazy but I really am not. We have been dating for a year and he's only just started doing this. I haven't seen this coming and don't understand it at all as are are very happy in every other way. My ex boyfriends didn't do this why does he?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): I have to say that in my experience most men do this and for me, it is just something I have had to get over, if I want to be with someone. I do not think it means he does not respect you. I'm no expert but at 38 and with a string of relationships behind me, I can tell you that ALL of my exes and my current bf look at other women and yeah, sometimes they gawp. That tells me that it is somthing that men do. He's only looking, it doesnt mean he is going to cheat. You can get into this pseduo-feminist horses**t of 'It's not okay!' and 'he doesnt respect you!' Listen sweetie, all men look, and gawp, and fantasise, since when did we become the thought police? I have realised that it isnt a big deal and I deal with it by not giving it too much attention. I really think that if you let this kind of stuff affect you and keep reacting you will probably end up single. I lost loads of good men because I was so high maintenance. ALSO, I do think that the kind of men who dont look are a bit wet and not of much interest to me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): I have been through the same thing and make me tell u something. Your boyfriend does not value you, you may thing it's nothing that serious but this action says a lot. It says he doesn't want u and that he doesn't respect u. No matter what anyone tells you to make u feel better listen to your gut. You better keep a close eye on him or move on.
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A
male
reader, freeme  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 He has a wandering eye. It's one thing to appreciate beautiful women. Most men do. And yes, not checking them out is difficult for us. We are genetically programmed to respond to a woman who is attractive to us. However, our evolved brains do allow us the decision to respect our present company and avoid exactly what you are describing. I think you need to tell him how seriously this bothers you and ask him to make an effort to stop. Tell him its insulting that he does this while you are together. Enough so, that you don't want to be around him if it continues. If that doesn't get his attention, I don't know what else will. I do know that while we might have a much harder time avoiding a double take, staring like a dog might at a steak, is something he has in his power to stop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): To be satisfied about why he does it you will really need to get a feel for his individual mindset and personality.
It is possible that he is now a year into the relationship and subconsciously/privately wants to be more commited and his male mind is checking out the last of the species to see if he has got the best catch!
I am sure that he feels that he has got the best catch.
If he os otherwise not a cheat, try and glow when he looks at other women and do not say anything and see if he looks back at you, try and catch a glimpse of him thinking mmm I have the best woman!
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