A
male
age
30-35,
*geek
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 8 months now, this is a long distance relationship where we get to see each other every few months, for a period of a week of so. We are both moving to the same city here in june, and hopefully see each other more often since she will be in school, and I will be working. We have connected with each other, and have found that we play wonderfully off each other and get along great. And are very empathic about each other and our thoughts feelings.She is 18, I am 21Anyways, now that you have a little bit of info. My problem.We text a fair bit (when I am not working), and talk when we can ( generally daily), as we continue dating I am noticing more and more the maturity gap between us, the major gap I am seeing is consideration, she does not seem to be very considerate or think to greatly before she will say something or perform an action. Me being what would be called a sensitive guy can take some of these things far to personal and be effected by them.This is causing us to argue every once in a while, for the first several months she was the most considerate person I have ever known, but as time progressed consideration started falling by the wayside, and things started happening that would greatly bug me (example- watching tv or such when she calls me or when we r talking on the phn she will not talk but is to concentrate on the tv, we established that this was a no-no since it is quite rude and inconsiderate to do to someone) I then will bring it up and we will continue normally, this (not just the example) has been happening more and more, now almost all the time the things that we set down and not-to-do's are becoming practically habitual. I brought up with her today about an ongoing problem ( saying you will do something then not doing it, even after being reminded many many times) and she proceed to assume that I was mad and started telling me off and ended with saying she is tired of me getting on her about all this little s*it.And then told me she loves me??Im very confused about this because we are both so open with each other, she tells me my faults or mistakes and i tell her hers, and we try the best to correct them and make each other happy. But i cant figure out how to deal with her immaturity and ignorance of the inner working of a relationship. I have tried so hard to tell her (tactfully) and the high-school senior seems to come out anyways, mostly when she is around her cousin (F, 21) any advice or help would be much appreciated.... especially with the maturity gap, and her being snappy with me when she is with her cousin. P.S. (I have omitted quite a bit as to conserve time and space, I have faults, i am not making it out to sound like I do not, I simply did not want to write a novel)Thank youZ
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cousin, long distance, period, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (28 January 2011):
I wouldn't necessarily say that it's entirely a maturity thing. I think it's more of a difference in values/opinions. You are better able to focus on someone else (particularly someone you care about), and want to show respect and caring by listening and focusing on them when talking. She may be operating on the idea that the daily long distance conversations are not that interesting and she can multi-task (as more and more people do), by listening to you AND watching t.v. at the same time. When you're long distance and talking everyday, it's difficult, because eventually you start running out of things to talk about. You haven't done anything new together, so what can you talk about? Each other's day and what you ate, etc. You might want to try to suggest alternative solutions:- having shorter daily conversations that are dedicated to each other (say right before bed while you are in bed)- not talking every day- talking on the computer with webcam, might make it easier to focus on the other person if you can see them- talking to each other on the phone while watching a show together on tv or a movie (I used to do things like this while long-distance as it made it seem like you are having a date, even though it is long distance)
A
male
reader, zgeek +, writes (28 January 2011):
zgeek is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you, I really do plan to work this out with her but she seems to unknowingly blow me off more often when she is around her cousin, and is quite rude and otherwise pissy. I am going to talk it out with her, but I am going to wait and see how long she is going to keep on blowing off every problem that I bring up with her....... I don't want to leave her, instead I want to know how to deal with the problems at hand.....
Z
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A
female
reader, AuntTLC +, writes (28 January 2011):
Hi Z, it sounds like this isn't the girl for you. If she starts treating you like dirt and doesn't respect you - it isn't the fact that she's 18 - it that she's a b****. You sound like a really nice guy, and she just isn't the nicest girl.
My advice is to talk it out with her (I know, UGH, right?), or just tell her that she's being really immature and bitchy and that the relationship isn't working.
You deserve nothing but the most mature, respectful, awesome people in your life and if someone close to you isn't living up to that - ditch them.
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