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female
,
anonymous
writes: dear CupidI am in a long term relationship and lately my boyfriend doesn't return my calls and he has been coming home later than usual. I don't even know why he acting like this and I don't really know what is going on.I contacted him yesterday and asked him what his problem was, I told him is it because of another girl and he said no, he is claiming he needs time. He told me he loved me with all his heart and i asked him if he would call me later and he said yes but he never did, he has been doing that to me for the past five days what should I do?I don't want to be without him and it seems like I am the one to hold this relationship together. I am so sad I get disappointed everytime the phone rings and it is not him. It is so hard, all I do is wait for him to call or wait for him to come to my house and it never happens what should I do? Please I need some advice! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jiser  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 (1) Show your partner you respect their choices more than anyone else. Do not do anything or say anything which forces your partner to do things or see things your way! If they have to make their choice whether they want you or the other person, give them no excuses to leave you for somebody else, show them your respect! No one likes to live under the control of another person. Your partner will more likely choose you if you can show him or her that you are willing to give them the freedom to make their own choices and respect his/her wishes. (2) Do not try to Compete Do not try to compete with your rival, if you have one around. When you are competing, you are struggling, and when you are struggling, you create a lot of negative energy around you, leading to unpleasant experiences with the people who just happen to be with you. Instead, try to CREATE opportunities that lead to positive experiences, especially with your partner around. Let your partner feel that they can feel more at ease when he or she is together with you. Let your partner feel more comfortable being with you than with somebody else. In short, CHOOSE to walk the path of least resistance! (3) Avoid discussing issues relating to your rivals. Whenever you are with your spouse or lover do not keep asking or questioning them on issues relating related to your rival (Examples: "Where did you go yesterday?" "What did you give her…", "Why does he / she do this…", you get what I mean). Asking such questions would only put his defense system on autopilot and his/her replies to you might not be truthful too. Most often than not, such discussions lead to unpleasant experiences with your partner, both of you might even fight or quarrel over an insignificant issue and further ruin your relationship. So give your partner freedom of choice. Let them do whatever they want and like, and you will find that they will appreciate your understanding. If your partner finds that he/she can breathe easier when being with you than with the other person, they will come back to you, with no effort on your part! (4) Stop clinging to your spouse or lover like sticky glue Recall the type of person you once were when you first started seeing and dating your lover or your spouse. That 'person' you once were is the person whom your lover or spouse once loved deeply. Be that 'person'. When you were that 'person', you were someone who did not cling to your partner like a parasite. You were independent, carefree, and full of zest for life! This is the real 'you' whom your partner love and like to be with. So drop all those attachment. Practice detachment instead. If your relationship is failing, other people will tell you 'Your partner has changed.', or 'People change. This is life.' Instead, pause for a moment and ask yourself "Has my partner really change? Or is it I who have changed?" Have you changed to someone who has become too demanding in your relationship? Your partner love you for who you are. So 'be' that independent person you once were! Keep the above tips in mind, and you can be sure that youwill the heart of the one you love without any effort onyour part!
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