A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a long one, but please help me, it's getting me so upset and hurt, i thought i'd found love...A couple of months ago i found someone i REALLY liked, i cant explain it. He's 18, i'm 17 in a week, which was good because in the past i have always gone out with older men (not on purpose but i look old for my age and its just happened). We used to talk on the phone for hours and we got rally close. We met in an arcade (i know) and he saw me and asked for my number. We met up on New Year's Eve and even then he was trying to have sex.I didn't, because it was too soon! obviously, and i was on my period. however we were walking around after we had "fumbled around". He met up with his friend and we spent New Year together. He touched me so much because when we walked around he constantly had his arm round me, and he would kiss my head and squeeze me - HONESTLY HE DIDN'T LET GO! which i loved. i love all that affection etc. i felt like there was something really special there. The next time i met up with him we had sex. i know its too soon an i regret it but i felt like i should. After this we spent about 4 hours sitting in Starbucks and talking and laughing and we really bonded. He said that he had enjoyed starbucks more than having sex, which touched me. I felt like this was something more. The third time i saw him i refused to have sex with him. i explained that in the past people have used me a lot for it and when we had sex it was too soon. i wanted to make sure that this relationship wasn't just about that. He got upset, went all quiet. Then after he said that he was upset because he had tried really hard to get a free room (we were at his friends house, with them all outside making noises and an unlocked door! that was another reason why i didn't want to).He said that the relationship wont just be sex but that its a part of a relationship. He also said he was upset coz he had exams the next day and was missing his revision class to see me. Still i didn't have sex with him, even though once i had opened up to him and told him why he kept trying. once we left his friends house he said he was sorry if he pressurised me he was just feeling really horny and he never has a free house so.... Anyway after that he aasked me out- officially, we asked each other if we're talking to other girls/boys and we both said we had cut off anything like that and now we're gf and bf. He said he'd call me and he didn't. So i rang him a couple of days later and he asked to see me that sunday- but i had homework to do so i said no. after then he didn't call me for two weeks, i texted him sayin *let me know if your not on this anymore* and a week later he called saying he just got my text and that he had lost his sim card or something. I WAS SO HAPPY! anyway i meant to text my friend and tell her he rang me, but i texted it to him. I made a dumb excuse, but he didn't call me since then.I called him about a week later, to ask for final wats going on and he's saidd he'd lost his phone (he had two), we were talking for about an hour and a half. It was really good, normal, then i said i was going to go to sleep. He said he wanted to come to my house, for the first time and i said ok, he said he'd call me and he hasn't. im not going to call him anymore because i hate calling people when i feel unwanted. I've called him a couple of times recently on private number to see if his phones working but its gone straight to voicemail so i dont know, but i know he has two numbers, and now one phone. Why is he not calling? when we talk he says stuff like 'i can't talk with other girls like a can with you' he makes me feel special and says he wants to see me but doesn't ring. if he was going to try and ignore me why ring me that other time and get my hopes up? We used to talk all the time before that day i didn't have sex with him. I dont like thinking that its because of that but its the only thing i can think of. What should i do? Does he like me? I wear makeup and feel uncomfortable without it, hes one of the few people i've gone out me that has seen me without it- yet he still rang and said i was beautiful. I liked him so much, now i dont understand, we really did have something, and he's a really nice boy but im confused.PLEASE HELP! and i am really sorry this was so long but i have a lot on my mind........
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): ok so i have a problem alot like yours.well there is this guy. and i really really care about him. and i think that he cares about me too. He even told my friend that he cares about me.. its just that ive been waiting on him for a long time. weve been talking and hangin out and to say the least.. we havent been exactly christian =]. but im just waiting on him to ask me out.In the beginning he told me that he wasnt going to rush into anything cause he wanted to really care about the girl. and i completely understand its just that i really miss having a boyfriend. and i want him to myself. i want to be able to call him mine and noone else can. He said that in the beginning and its been a month. so i dont know if he is just using me and its not going anywhere. cause i really care about him... so i want it to go somewhere.Im scared too in the fact that i dont know if i can control him. He is the kind of guy that is very popular, super confident, and is gorgeous, and not to mention that im a sophmore and he is a senior. But then again he isnt a player or someone that i would think would use me.i just really wish he would hurry up.and until then im just waiting.and going back to your question.. my guy did that too... he made it seem like he wanted to be with me so bad and yet nothing.i cant answer to why he hasnt called you, guys are just so confusing and gay sometimes. i hate to be the barrer or bad news but maybe he was just using you.no girl wants to hear that when they really care about someone but.... hes acting like it.good luck with everything.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): hey Im going through the same thing but the guyy was MYY first an only I feel like I was used but then agian when anyones talkin rude about me he sticks up for me and he ALWAYSS lookes at me but he has a girl friend!!!
I think these boyys are just confused so I dont know I always come across thinking mabye It wazs TOO soon and he really didnt want a SLUT has a girl friend but the thing is im NOT a slut and either are you It just looks to me youve gaven guyys your hearts and they always seem to hurt you?!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): If he were really interested in having a GF or had any respect for you, he would not have been trying to get in your pants on "date" #1. After you refused to sleep with him, he stopped contacting you. Do the math.
And no healthy relationship ever started with sex. Almost no guy is going to want to date a girl that slept with him after one or two dates. It might not be fair, but that's just the way it is.
Either way, it's pretty obvious that this guy is not looking for a GF and that you were just casual sex to him. He still talks to you occasionally in the hopes that maybe he can get into your pants again. Your are basically a backup in case, some night, he can't get laid.
Please don't take this personally. It's got nothig to do with you. The guy is just a pig.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Oh girl,I'm so not sure 'bout that:( Don't lose ALL of your hope but also don't raise them too high.That deep minded compliments,hugs and other stuff are cool (I know I'd fell for it) but it seems like he doesn't know what he wants...Maybe after 1st time you had sex and next time you sad 'no' he felt like he wasn't go0od enough or something-mail ego is fucked up thingy...And I heard that "it's not all about sex...but theres no relationship without it" plenty of times-maybe it makes sense.He's only 18 so I think he has no intention in making commitment-you were with older guys so far and maybe got used to more mature way of their thinking.Tip for the next time:don't ever talk to the bf to be about past experiences,especially NOT about sex in your past relationships.Hang on...you'r sooo young and I think your time is yet to come.Good luck!x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): On your first date (as opposed to talking on the phone) he was pressuring you for sex. Ditto on the second date, then the third time you gave in to him.
He also was manipulative and tried to make you feel obligated by telling you he missed his revision class to see you and had exams the next day. Well, GUESS WHAT? He didn't HAVE to skip class to see you! He could have waited until after the exam. This was HIS CHOICE.
Then he doesn't call and when you sent a text he told you he'd lost his sim card. Okay, that happens - but he could have phoned you anyway. Before that, he asked to see you and went into a "sulk" because you told him no, you had homework to do (I say "sulk" because he didn't call for two weeks). Next thing is he tells you he's lost his phone. Uh huh. Yeah, right. Too many coincidences of losing things!
Oh, I missed a step - he wanted you to have sex with him at a friend's house in an unlocked room, and said he was feeling horny. What do other men do when they feel horny? They masturbate, that's what!
To sum up: this boy wants what he wants, and the heck with what YOU tell him, and what you want! That's his attitude.
Good for you for sticking to your principles! You are right to not contact him, he's not worth it and doesn't respect you. You deserve to meet someone MUCH better than him, and in due time, you will!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Hi, first off i would just like to say i know exactly how you feel. A lot of my relationships turned out to just be someone using me. When i started reading your problem i thought he's just using you because it seemed like all he wanted was sex. But the fact that he stayed around afer you refused sex means that he does care about you even if its only a little bit. I know it sounds stupid to us but sometimes guys just want to be guys and not have a close girlfriend. I think this may be his problem. Give him a bit of space for a while & if you do contact him just make it clear that if he wants out, then its ok with you but you would rather he told you. If hes a decent guy he will tell you that he is not interested or if he is then he will say. Let him make the moves so it doesnt seem that you are too needy, but make sure you only have sex when YOU want to.
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A
male
reader, Jiser +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Sorry to be so blunt, this guy sounds like he has issues and used you for sex. Don't be a victim, let him do the running, if he really wanted to be with you, he would have contacted you.
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