A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a falling out with a guy friend some months back. I discovered he had feelings for me (I had feelings for him too), things became complicated and our friendship ended on a very sour note. He ended up blocking me on all social networks. I figured that was the end of us once and for all and I've gone on with my life.I deleted my Twitter account over a month ago and I recently did a search and found that he and some of our mutual contacts have been talking crap about me. I don't know exactly what he said about me personally because his account is locked/private but our mutual "friends" were responding with some negative remarks about me. I am a bit perturbed and unsure what about what to do about it, if I should do anything at all. Should I confront him? I don't appreciate him talking about me online behind my back without me being able to defend myself and being childish gossiping about me in disparaging fashion. But I guess there really isn't much I can do about it at all anyway. People, he and otherwise are going to talk and I can't stop them.Any suggestions? Why does he have to talk about me? He's 47 damn years old and he should grow up, leave me be and move on. I have, why can't he?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): ***I'm the original poster of this question***
Let me just say that it's very telling, the differences between the responses here from the men vs the women - the men were downright jerks. Something about men being united in getting dumped and being butthurt.
Bottom line is, this guy ought to find something better to do with his time than talk about me and there's nothing wrong with me standing up for myself and my good name in telling him to do that, which is exactly what I did. Thank you for the advice to those of you who suggested it. And I am certain in me telling him to stop, he will shut his mouth. He needs to be a man about it, not some little schoolyard kid online trash talking people he claims not to care about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): I think you should rise above juvenile exchanges of insults on Facebook. That sort of thing is what people half your age would be concerned about.
Unless he is publishing personal attacks or slanderous information for all to see, he has a right to his opinion.
It is apparent there may be others who share his opinion.
Seriously?! So what? Apparently the others are not friends.
What you don't read can't hurt you. As long he as he isn't talking trash to you, go about your life and forget him.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (31 January 2014):
 you definitely can't control how others think or feel about you and I wouldn't waste any time thinking/dwelling on it.
never mind how things ended, you went looking for it and found something you didn't want to see and that is unfortunate but shouldn't be your concern - you are allowed to think and feel how you'd like and he, too is allowed to do the same.
I would suggest staying as far away from him as possible, not seek him online anymore and perhaps even steer clear of the mutual friends if the thins they're saying are that terrible that you couldn't abide it. Unfortunately when we break up a relationship or a friendship many friends will pick a side even though it shouldn't have to be that way, it happens.
I'm sorry you're hurt but don't waste anymore time on it, you will be better leaving well alone in the long run.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 “I've gone on with my life.”If that part of your comment is true…why do you care what they say?? There is a saying “The truth hurts.” So if what they are saying is true, then I could understand why you are “perturbed” as you say. If what they are saying are lies, then let them talk. Your real friends know you, and know lies from truth. If you spend your time fighting foolish people and their thoughts, you will never move one with your life.It is said “It is foolish to speak scornfully of others. If you are smart, you will keep quiet.” So…if you are smart stay quiet, because it is also said “You do yourself a favor when you are kind. If you are cruel, you only hurt yourself.” In other words, don’t become like him trading hateful words. You now know what kind of person he really is, and you are better off staying away from him.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 January 2014):
 I agree with llifton - the thing is you need to remember you CAN NOT control what other people thing or say.
The fact that mutual "friends" are writing negative things about you might give you pause to think whether these friends are really... friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): I think he is doing it to get a reaction out of you. And yes it is so petty and immature so you should be thankful you dodged that bullet and got him out of your life.
Don't give him what he wants, which is a reaction, just ignore him. In fact, that will hurt him even more, that you find him so petty and insignificant that you don't even care what he says about you. And he is only making himself look bad anyway. A 47 year old man who does that is questionable to many. And those who egg it on are just as pathetic as him. So just ignore him, let him continue to dig his own grave all by himself.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 Hi, you could send the text as Llifton suggested, but you do realise that he may just ignore it and continue bad mouthing you.
I would make sure I make friends with his contacts on Facebook and Twitter and then I would write something about how some men cant handle rejection and to inflate their egos they spread rumours. I would further add, its strokes my ego that he cant get over me that he has to keep writing about me. I am pretty sure that one his friends will advice him about your message. Hopefully it will stop.
Sending him a text could just as well back fire as he will know that he is getting under your skin. Just remember, he will get tired eventually and stop.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 January 2014):
I agree with llifton. I'd send an infuriatingly pleasant text or e-mail (whatever you think will actually reach him) telling him you'd appreciate it if he discussed the problems he has with you, with you, instead of spewing them online on twitter. And of course add the thanks and have a great day at the end.
This will make him seem even more immature because you're not lowering yourself to his level. Whatever happens after this, do not get angry or bitter. Someone has to be the adult here. Plus if you stay sensible and levelheaded he'll just look bad in comparison. That's how you stay on top. As for those mutual friends, I'd be a bit careful about whom you call friend.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 January 2014):
 If I had to guess, you were most likely the one who officially ended things? He probably got his ego hurt and this is how has handling it.
I would send him a text, if you still have his number, and let him know you saw it and that you would appreciate it if he wouldn't post those types of things online. Thanks and have a great day. That would be the end of it.
This way, you've let it be known you saw it, you don't appreciate it, and you want it stopped. And this way, you're not being passive by not saying anything, but you're also not being aggressive or in his face.
Good luck. And I'm sorry he's being such a baby.
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