A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi i've been in this relationship for 10 months now and everything was going good at the start but he's changed and started to show his true colours...here is the twist he's been in care for 12 years and has been abused by everyone in his life his mum passed away last agust and he's grown so attatched to my family. He's told me himself he loves them to bits and sees them as his family... But he cheated on his last girlfriend with lets call her alice and after he done it he called me to gloat. And lately he has got back in contact with her asking if she wanted him to stay over and have a laugh and he's been calling her sexy and said how much he missed some things about her and there past... This has killed me and im not sure what to do anymore I don't want to hurt him but he killed my love for him... Many thanks xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I know you feel like you don't want to hurt him, but he clearly does not make the same consideration for you. This is someone who doesn't care about hurting you and just cheats over and over again. I also don't mean to be inconsiderate, but it's not altogether uncommon for victims of abuse to go out and abuse/hurt/manipulate others to make up for their past.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Send him packing and don't look back. If he was really that vulnerable he would not have risked losing the one source of comfort and security he had, namely you and your family.
He seems to think that having a painful past excuses him from the social obligations the rest of us are bound by. Time to teach him otherwise.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 His tragic past doesn't excuse him of any behaviour. He's cheated in the past, and this girl he cheated with should, without question, be out of his life if he wants to keep you. Take your stand and demand some respect, because he isn't respecting you. He's flirting with this other girl, quite obviously, asking to stay over (thats unacceptable when he's in a relationship). He needs to cut her out or you should walk.
I know, you hoped for better, but it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, and you gave him a fair chance. You can't help it if he abuses your trust, and you can't ever guarantee that the person you care for wont screw you over. It's how life is, and it happens. At least it is better to know NOW than later.
So, talk to him, and tell him it wont work when he contacts her and that you do not think he should talk to her, and that he must stop flirting with her (and anyone else) and show that he values the relationship with you over her.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Thanks Chickie. Even though you Brits talk funny, your princes are smoking hot.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (26 July 2011):
 It's time to talk to him. Tell him to get rid of her or you're getting rid of him. If he doesn't, then it's time to end it. Everyone feels pain in their life, and if you do break it off, he'll get over it sooner or later. So don't feel bad if that's what you have to do. Don't allow yourself to be disrespected.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Eyes - its the British term for when the child is taken away from its birth parents because they are not fit to look after the child, and put 'into care' so to speak (cared for by foster parents, the council etc).
To the poster of the question - you cant stay with him just because you feel bad because of his past, I know you dont want to hurt him but he is taking advantage of you and hurting you, so you have to put yourself first here and dont let him walk all over you.
He clearly doesnt care if he cheats on a girlfriend and he doesnt respect you otherwise he would not be back in touch with this girl again asking to stay over at her house.
If you dont love him and dont want to be with him anymore then you have to end it, simple as that.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFoster care
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 July 2011):
What do you mean by "in care"?
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