A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have the most lovely boyfriend and we have been dating for a while now. We can get a bit frisky when we are alone and I know that we work together. The thing is that I would like to move it to the next level and would like to do "the deed". The thing is that he won't do it. He is of the opinion that if he did he would be spoiling me and he cares too much about me to take my virginity. In the relationship he is the more emotionally involved one (just by a little bit) and he would never do anything to hurt me. How do I make it clear that I WANT him to take my virginity? By the way if it helps in any way he too is a virgin and its not that he isn't physically attracted to me its just he has this mental block and it is driving me crazy! Help me please! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (27 July 2011):
Ask him what he means by what he says. What does the idea of taking your virginity mean to him, when you say that he says he would be spoiling you, or that he cares too much, what does that mean?
Understand there is a difference between you wanting him to take your virginity, and you wanting to give your virginity to him. The one is his decision, and the other is your choice, even though it is the same thing that is happening. The difference in perspective makes a difference. How does he feel about you giving your virginity to him? How does he feel about the idea of you taking his virginity?
In reality, just tell him you think he is really lovely, and you want to have sex with him. You might find the problem is that from the sounds of it, he isn't ready yet. If he isn't let him know that is ok, and that he should let you know when he is.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Whoa, what is the rush sweetie?
If this boy truly cares for you, let him come to that moment on his own terms. We get a lot of girls on Cupid who are pressured by their boyfriends to have sex when they are not ready. What do we tell them?
We tell them to speak directly and honestly to their bf that they are NOT ready. If the bf is not willing to wait, then let him walk away.
The advice is the same for you. You are pushing him and if you push too hard, you will push him away. I hope you do not call it "the deed", because it has a connotation of being something to check off a "to do" list.
What does losing his virginity mean to HIM? Have to talked about protection and who will be responsible for it? (Just you, just him, both?)
Respect him and his timing.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 "I want to have sex with you. Do me."
Then undress and get it on.
Although, I think he might be wanting to save himself for a later time, and maybe is unsure of how to tell you he wants to wait.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): I don't think its that he 'doesnt want to spoil you' its just an excuse that he uses so that he doesnt have to have sex with you.
The reason is most probably because he is nervous, and does not know what to do.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Take the lead, do as you normally do for a bit of foreplay and maybe try a bit of dirty talk or something to really get him turned on and in the mood.
When you're ready for it, maybe climb on top and then fully take the lead so he knows that you really want to have sex with him.
Make sure he's relaxed as he will be very nervous for his first time, take it nice and slow as it will probably hurt for yourself the first time and maybe the next few times after that, so make sure you're wet enough or lubed up enough.
Hope this helps, good luck x
...............................
|
