A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I apologize in advance for this post being long. Please just bear with me, I really need some good answers.To start off, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a fifteen year old girl and am in the tenth grade. In school i'm kind of shy but have friends that I talk to.Now, this is where I begin my "story". My third period class is Physical Science, in which there is a very cute boy (of course it's always a boy!). Now, at the beginning of the year I sat in the very back of the class and this boy (lets call him...John) sat in the row in front of me. Now this girl who sat beside me is "friends" with him (I say friends with quotes because it seems like he doesn't really like her, she always asks annoying questions, but he's too nice to say anything). But anyway, this gave me kind of a chance to maybe talk to him. But I never really did. I would always just laugh at the things he said (I don't think I was being one of "those" girls, I laughed becuase he's genuiely funny).But before I go any further, let me tell you a bit about what I know about "John". This is the part where I know i'm going to get some negative feedback, but let me finish my story first. Ok, so he's sixteen and is in the tenth grade (repeat), he smokes marijuana (and cigarettes I believe too), listens to heavy metal, and, oh yeah, he has a nine month old daughter. I know these things about him because (no, i'm not a stalker, trust me!) I hear him talk about them, I mean c'mon, he sat in the row right in front of me, I'm not deaf!Now, now, I know how bad all those things sound, but please let me elaborate.He's hilarious, smart (he's really trying to do his best in school, I believe), he has common sense and maturity (I know, I know, I just said he smokes pot and has a daughter, but people can't be perfect all the time, right?)Mostly what I mean by maturity is that he doesn't make stupid, demeaning jokes about people. I'm not sure if he has a girlfriend or not, but I'm fine being just friends, it physically hurts me when I can't talk to him and I know he's such a cool guy and that we could probably really get along.I know he does drugs and I know he's very experienced when it comes to sex, and all the things that i'm telling you may seem bad, but I just can't help but to really, truly...like this guy.He's not a violent, angry person (he's said so himself, and if you met him, you could just tell), and I know if we ever do become friends that he would never persuade me to have sex with him or to do drugs. I've heard him talk about serious things and I want to be one of those people that he can really talk to.But again, before I go even yet further, let me tell you about some interactions we've had. Ok, so I already told you that I would laugh at things he did/said. So one day when the girl who sat beside me was absent one day (and another person in my row) we had a fun lab (making silly putty, I know so educational)so he decided to move back to my row and he sat next to the boy who sat to my right (they talk to each other outside of class). Pretty much throughout the whole lab the four of us (me, John, and two other boys) just stood around talking. I talked a bit, but mostly just laughed at the conversation (it was pretty funny), but I didn't really talk to John. Then after lunch, he decided to sit next to ME (heart skips a beat) while we took notes, the thing is I so could have easily talked to him, but I didnt. I think that's really the major interaction we've ever had.Another time, he comes in with a drawing that he did for art, and waiting for class to end, I find he's standing next to me (heart skips a beat again!) holding his drawing. It's a really good drawing and I tell him so. To which he replies "Why thank you" and we continue to go back and forth (it wasn't forced chatter)until class ended. I've also helped him out with answers on class worksheets too.Now you may have noticed earlier in my little story that I used the past tense "sat" when it came to our seating arrangements in class. Of course, just when things were going great and I was about to start talking to him, the teacher changed our seats (I know). Now, this may not seem like a big deal to some girls, but to a shy girl like me, it means everything. This was a few weeks ago, and we haven't had any interactions but I still really want to talk to him. I thought about how the day after the seats were changed I would walk past him and smile a bit, but I didnt. I this past week I was there Monday (he was absent) and then absent the rest of the week. And it's not like on Monday I can just walk past past his desk and smile at him becuase that would be totally weird and random, I already missed my window of opportunity, that's something I should have done the day after the seats were changed becuase it was more relevant to do it then (does that make any sense?). One last thing (I know, FINALLY!) whenever he sat in the row in front of me, I swear I would see him somethimes glancing out the corner of his eye back at me and whenever another student said something funny, he would look back at me while the both of us would be laughing at whatever witty thing our fellow classmate had said. So, my question is, how can I (now that our seats have been changed, thanks Mr. Teacher!)get his attention again? What questions can I ask him without it sounding forced? I don't want to ask him deep questions about his daughter becuase it seems like he gets that a lot and I don't want to be annoying (also, I'm pretty sure he's not with daughters mother, and I forgot to mention that he seems like a good father, he sees her). I want specific questions to ask him, by the way.I know by some of the things that I have said about John may have given you a bad impression of him (which is completely understandable, by the way) but I am a very responsible young woman and I have a good intuition about people, and I just don't get any bad vibes from this guy at all. I know better than to hang around really bad people.Any answer/advice is deeply appreciated and I hope you all have noticed that I have tried to use some humor while telling my (typical teenage) story. ;)P.S Please keep an eye on this question as I may be responding back to some of your answers. Thanxxx
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drugs, has a girlfriend, period, shy, smokes, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 November 2012):
 If you don't get any bad vibes, maybe your radar is temporarily off, or maybe you are way too lenient for your own good.
Apparently the positive about this guy is that he does not make stupid demeaning jokes about people, ok, kudoos to him for not calling the overweight girls " hey fatso ". But, that's not really that much, I'd say it's the bare minimum. Or, if we want to take it as a sign that he is not bad at heart, sure,... who is at 16 that can really be called intrinsecally evil.
That does not change that he is a pothead, and that if he is smart, he wasn't even smart enough to wear a condom while engaging in - underage and illegal ! - sex.
These are per se a " don't even go there " sign for a young mature responsibile woman. Sure, everybody makes mistakes, you don't have to hate them for their mistakes, neither you have to take them under your wing : you make very sure that you stay away from people who makes mistakes too early or too often or too casually, so that their mistakes won't have to impact YOUR life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): "just because he's failed the tenth grade the first time doesn't mean that he's not smart. He's sixteen, he could have easily dropped out if he had wanted to."
Just because he knocked up a previous girlfried with a kid whom he was completely incapable of supporting as a first-time tenth-grader doesn't mean that he won't knock you up with a kid whom you would be completely incapable of raising and he would be completely incapable of supporting as a second-time tenth-grader.
He's sixteen, he can still knock you up with a kid whom you would be completely incapable of raising and he would be completely incapable of supporting just as easily as if he had dropped out after failing tenth grade, and he can still knock you up with a kid whom you would be completely incapable of raising and he would be completely incapable of supporting just as easily as if he had been promoted to eleventh grade after passing tenth grade.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 You are asking for specific questions to ask him, in order to what?
Ask him why he failed year 10 and what he is doing to avoid failing again.
Ask him what his preferred drug is
Ask him if he is still sexually active and if he is now using protection
Ask him where he gets his money from to fund his cigarette smoking and drug taking
Ask him if he still has a girlfriend.
And I know you said questions about his child are off limit but you could try asking him
How he feels about parents who don't financially support their children
How he feels about teenage moms
His opinion on women role in society
There are a few conversation starters there and not a mention of his child, religion or politics!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): OP here. I really do appreciate everyones answers, I don't want to be ungrateful,I know if I ask a question I might not get the answers that I want, but he's not a stupid kid. People do make mistakes, just because he failed the tenth grade the first time doesn't mean that he's not smart. He's sixteen, he could have easily dropped out if he had wanted to.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 November 2012):
Once upon a time I was a teenage girl. I remember the 'pull' of the bad boys, hmm, I was a woman in my 30s once upon a time as well, and guess what, those old pheremones were still out and about in the atmosphere, spreading themselves over all and sundry. Nothing has changed, not for my generation, my mother's or even my grandmothers. Don't di
You don't like our answers, then don't post your questions. You are a teenage girl, what, 15 or 16, you have at least another 70 years of knowledge and experience to gain.
I'm telling you the attraction is simply chemicals, and yes, as the sage old guy said, (get his nic there?) piranahs are "interesting fish".... but whatever, you are determined to go down this road, you know best of course, your maturity and experience wont fail you, so chop chop, off you go and get yourself an 'interesting friend'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Yeah i'm gonna say go for it.
Trust your vibes. If you ignore them when they're good, you're gonna ignore them when their bag.
People can have similar histories, and be completely different.
Teens have kids, teens have sex. Teens are generally very under educated about sex, this sort of stuff happens.
I am different in answering these questions, but I came from sort of an unconventional family. My mother was amazing friends with a woman who people told her to stay away from, and she was nice, and great.
Repeating grades doesn't make him bad either. Or stupid.
Yeah, he's most likely troubled. Yeah, you probably wouldn't want to get in a serious involving relationship with him. But being friends? That is fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): OP here...again. This is a very tricky situation. I feel like if you were in my place you would understand it a bit better. It's hard to put into words. I'm not some stupid little teenage girl, I know better, I really do, but I just can't help but to like this guy.
I would also like more serious answers. I don't appreciate the sarcasm.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 November 2012):
 To the OP: I read you entire submittal, AND your follow-up.
After you wrote, ".... my voice of reason isn't telling me stay away from him at all. I don't want to miss this oppurtunity to miss out on getting to know this interesting person."..... I couldn't help but imagine this:
I think that piranahs are "interesting fish".... but I would not go swimming amongst them, in the Amazon River, when I knew there was a hungry school of them just overboard of my canoe.....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Hi. OP here. First of all, I don't like the title that this question was given, I feel like it starts the question off with a very bad impression of John. If there is anybody else who wants to answer this question I would really like for you to read the whole story (albeit how long it is). I think that it would only be fair. And the thing is AuntyBimBim, my voice of reason isn't telling me stay away from him at all. I don't want to miss this oppurtunity to miss out on getting to know this interesting person.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 November 2012):
The attraction is chemical. Pheremones are at work. You do not have to give in the the attraction, you are a thinking being supposedly capable of analytical processes.
He is a bad boy. He is 16 and already has a child. He does drugs and failed at school so he has to repeat year 10.
Regardless whether you pick up bad vibes or not, this is not a boy to get involved with, unless you too want to be a teenage parent. Don't listen to the chemicals, their aim is to get your procreating, its their job, survival of the species and all that, listen to the voice of reason instead, avoid this boy!
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