A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 and have never experienced sexual attraction in my life. I don't even get any enjoyment from hugging or kissing. I'm sure I'm asexual but I don't want to be. It feels like I'm missing out on a huge chunk of life. Quite a few people my age have got serious long term relationships now and are enjoying doing things together (including sex) and I just don't get it. I feel middle aged already, what my life is like now, will probably be very similar to when I'm 70.I can't bear the thought of being in a relationship where I'm constantly having to do something which is basically a chore. Once a month I could probably cope with, but not more often than that.I don't even experience attraction to personality. I can't honestly say I've experienced anything deeper than friendship with anyone.Is there any treatment for this or anything I can do? I have no reason to believe it's hormonal and I don't think I have a psychological problem with sex (I don't think it's wrong, I just have no desire to do it).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): I'm the OP, thanks for answering just wanted to add to the two female anons: No I'm not aware of any post-traumatic stress issues at all.
I don't think I'm gay as I did meet/date women briefly and didn't experience any feelings for them either.
@YouWish: I won't lie, my main problem with this is that I'm bored with life. I've traveled, partied, made good friends, got a job, a good education....I don't know what more life holds now. It certainly won't be a rollercoaster of emotions relationship-wise at this rate. I mean yes, I could go to different places, meet more friends but it's just same old same old.
I can't miss what I've never had. I suppose I'm jealous of other people though, they seem to get so much enjoyment from relationships.
Maybe I'll go see a doctor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): this may sound weird, and i definitely don't mean anything offensive by it... but have you ever thought you could be gay? i used to feel the same way you describe when i tried to date men until i got with my first woman, and realized that's what i'd been missing all along. everything with men felt like a chore and i never understood what all the hype about sex was from my friends. anyway, i was just thrwing that out there.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 What you should do fully depends on whether or not you are happy the way you are. It does, in fact, sound like you are asexual, because the very definition is a complete lack of sex drive or attraction to anyone.
If you feel in your heart that something is missing in your life, (and not simply because peer pressure is making you feel like you're missing out), then talking to a counselor or psychiatrist (the kind that can prescribe hormone therapy) would do you a lot of good.
Asexuality is just as much of a sexual exploration as homosexuality or heterosexuality is. Nothing is ever set in stone. Labels are for people who fear other groups of people who are different than they are. Sexuality is fluid, changing, and unique to each person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): I say, get a hormone test done. You can't guess unless this is done. If it comes back "normal" then, try to identify other reasons. Have you gone through any post-traumatic stress of any kind (even something you are not subconsciously aware of?)?
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